Life — April 15, 1897 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TO A STREET SPRINKLER. Sprinkle, sprinkle, great big cart, Up and down the sloppy mart, Sprinkle, be it cold or hot, Wet or dry, it matters not. What though wheelmen wail and weep, Keep the mud two inches deep, Let ‘er flicker in a flood ; Streets were made for mixing mud, Ere the golden sun has set, Make the streets so limpid wet, Those who, in the gloaming dim Try to ride, will have to swim, Let 'er sizzle day by day ; What are streets for, anyway ? Your job is to keep ‘em wet, And you get there, too, you bet ! Soak ‘em to your heart’s cootent, Pill some genius shall invent Some new wheel to sail the street With fins and flippers and web feet. —L. AL W. Bulletin Just as the physicians who had been in consultation seemed about to reach an agreement, the patient died. * Fine subject,” said one of the physicians, as they gathered about the bed. ‘' Splendid,” echoed another. waste it by burial.” ** Why should we ?"” asked the third. “All we have to dois to get up a violent dispute as to the real cause of death in order to get.a chance to dissect it.” And so they worked the old scheme again. —Chicago Post. “Seems too bad to Roper INGERSOLL, who is coming to Chicago with anew lecture, is fond of good books. During one of his visits to Chicago, he and a friend went to one of the big bookstores on Wabash avenue to examine the treas- ures on the shelves and counters. They had roamed around the establishment, discussing history, romance and theology, and finally the friend said, picking up a volume : “Ab, Colonel, this is the book you like “What is it?” he asked. om Paine’s ‘ Age of Reason.'” “Yes, it is a good book, but mighty expensive.” “Why, didn't think so.” “Lhave a copy, and what do yuu think it cost me? “don’t know, I'm sure.” “The governorship of Illinois." —Chicago Record. “Tuts is the most cruel yet,” wailed the rising young poet. “What is?" asked the common-sense person who had dropped in to smoke a few of the poet’s cigarettes. “ The Gabbock says | do not exhibit a single stigma of degeneration."—/ndianapolis Journal. Tue president of the Neurosis Society of Scadd’s Siding was visibly agitated. So was the secretary. “Mrs, Nimbletung, who was to deliver the address at to-day’s meeting, cannot be present,” said the former. “Why not ?” asked the latter. “Her husband has been seriously sick for three or four days.” “But a woman of her strength of principle won't neglect her work in the great cause to attend to the pal- try needs of an individual—and a male individual at that ?"* “Certainly not, but he writes her speeches.” —Chicago Journal. THE POSTER CRAZE. Through the ochre-tinted haze Of some blue midwinter days, In the pink of prime condition, See the poster people gaze! Sce their opalescent hair Sparkle in the misty air, With the rarest, rich suspicion Of a greenness frail and fair! And their gold and purple eyes— What a rainbow beauty lies In those eyes with ebon margins And their looks of lush surprise! How their yellow-carmined lips Meet in mutual eclipse, While the pale pink moon afar grins On the high horizon s hips; And the swirl-topped orange trees Stiffen in a slate-hued breeze That, entranced, hangs palpitating Over endless brazen seas! Oh! we madly love them all, With their curves impossible, And their colors, agitating Asa massic maddened ball ! But a maid with livid skin And a purple dimpled chin, And costume wove of clotted blood, Lures us like a painted sin! Ina mad, prismatic maze We pursue with lurid praise, Though feeling far too green and For this darling poster craze! —Pittsburg Builetin For salo oy all Newsdealers in Great Britain. The Inter. national News Company, Bream's Building, Chancery Lane, London, E C., England,’Aorsra, EUROPEAN AGENT®—Mosara. Brent Paris; Saarbach’s News Germany, Agents for Germany, VORY SOAP There is only one soap by all grocers, that is Ivory Soap. ‘Tne Procren & Gaware Co., Cin’ that is kept CALIFORNIA : ATTRACTIONS Ml APRIL, During the week commencing ‘aster Monday, April 19, the peo- | HUNTER BALTIMORE PURE & MELLOW, ‘The American Gentleman's Drink. For Club, Family and Medicinal Use. THE BEST WHISKEY IN AMERICA Endorsed by leading Physicians when stimulant Is prescribed. SOLD AT ALL FIRST-CLASS CAFES AND BY JOBBERS. ple of San Francisco will hold their first Carnival of the Golden Gate. For six days and nights a | series of most interesting enter- tainments will be in progress, vie- | ing with the Mardi Gras at New Orleans and the Fiesta at Los Angeles. From April 20 to April | 24 the Fiesta de Los Angeles will | attract and delight visitors from all over the country. For fur- ther information, free illustra- ted pamphlets, maps and time tables, apply to Edwin Hawley, A. GET: M, or L. H. Nutting, E. P. A., 349 Broadway, or No. 1 Battery Place (Washington Build- ing), New York. WM. LANAHAN & SON, “Drink HUNTER RYE. BALTIMORE, MD. It Is pure.”* Syracuse Bicycles wecommseeenven ot CRIMSON RIM QUALITY The highest stage of perfection in Bicycle construction. There is but one Syracuse. Tt is the Crimson Rim. MAKERS: SYRACUSE CYCLE CO., New York Agent, H. H. KIFFE, Syracuse, N. Y. 523 Broadway.