Life — April 1, 1897 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘Dip youjhear about Jenkins and his office boy?" asked De Smith of a friend as they were going to lunch the other day. “No, I didn't hear,” replied the friend. ** What about ‘em ?" “Oh, Jenkins just kicked him all over the office and has been in mortal fear ever’since that the boy would carry out a threat to have him arrested,” explained De Smith. “Why, what was he kicking his office boy for?" asked the friend. “Well. the boy was one of the stupid kind, you see, and he had no sense of humor," went on De Smith, ‘On the day Jenkins did the kicking he had been particularly busy and had been a good deal bothered by people who came in to ask questions of him and wanted to stop and talk. Jenkins was trying to get his-correspondence cleared up, and it made him kind of hot to be interrupted so many times, He stood it a long while and then gathered up his paper and sneaked away with a stenographer into a back roon “I'm going to get out of here, Johnnie,’ he said to the office boy when the place was finally clear of callers. ‘If any more people come I don't want to.see them,’ ** What shall I tell “em?* asked Johnnie. “*Oh, tell them anything,’ said Jenkins, impatiently. dead,’ hetshouted, as he slammed the door. Il, Johnnie took him at his word,” continued De Smith. * He wasn’t a brilliant office boy at all. He was new in the office, and he thought Jenkins meant just what he said. Jenkins hadn't been out of the room three minutes when in walked a lady whom Johnnie had never seen before and asked if Mr. Jenkins was in * Nope, he ain't here ‘Isn't here any more is he?" He's dead,’ answered Johnnie, carelessly. ‘Dead! ed the lady, piteously. **¥es, ma'am; dead,’ repeated Johnnie, coolly. ‘Tell them I'm y more ‘ answered Johnoie. repeated the lady with surprise. ‘Why, where shrie ‘Died this morning.” “Oh, mercy,’ sobbed the woman, as she grabbed the back of a chair, and Jenkins, who was coming back to the room to get a communication he had forgotten when he went out first, got in just in time to see his wife sink to the floor in a dead faint. “They called in a doctor and restored her to consciousness, and thea Jenkins started in on the kicking game which he fears will land him in court. He has paid the boy’s mother fifty dollars, but the kid says Jenkins will have to pay him nifty dollars, too, or go to jail. He ‘ain't goin’ to be kicked for doin’ what he was told,’ he says."—Chicago Times-Herald. Mr, EsPLaxabe: I miss one topic from the programme of the Moth Congress which I fully expected to see discussed. Mr. MonTEREY: What is that? “How to Manage a Husband,’ by Miss Soanso.”* —Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegra; Tur whale spouted in triumph. ‘Never you mind!" shouted Jonah, vindictively; ‘you've given me a good deal of trouble, I'll admit, by just wait till the latter-day theologians tackle you!" With a hoarse c! he struck out over the sanddunes toward Nineveh.— New York Press. Maurice BaRRyYMORE was once in London with a he was anxious to have produced. He had read it to a manager and it had been decided that he was to play the leading rdle. About a week after it was supposed to have been definitely settled, ‘ Barry” received a note from the manager asking him to call. Barrymore called and the ager said: '' I like the piece, old fellow, but I don’t see how I can use you in the cast. Your beastly American dialect won't do at all, you know. They won't have it.” ‘* Well, that's strange,"’ said Barrymore; ‘they told me on the other side that they wouldo’t have me on account of my beastly English dialect, What am I to do—give recitations on the transatlantic steamers?” new piece which —Argonaut. TE WOLF jt) Su CZAR CONCENTRATED PERFUMES L. LEGRAND (Orin Perfomer) 41, place de 1a Madeleine, PARIS Haviland China It is important to buyers that they should be informed that the only ware that has always been known as Haviland China is marked under each piece: The Princess of Wales ORDERS JOHANN HOFF’S MALT EXTRACT. ‘Marlborough House, 8. W. Please send for the, wae of H. fey Hy the Princess of Wales, six dozen of JOHANS HOFF'S MALT EXTRACT as ‘soon as possible. Kindly give two bottles to hear- Prtorto-day's luncheon. Yours faithfully. OHN GWILLL Secunrme or He BEWARE OF IMITATIONS ‘The genuine JOHANN Hoffs Malt Extract makes Flesh and Bi Ine dozen bottles of the re uine JOHANN Hoffs Malt Extract will cise more strength and contains more nutritive elements than one cask of ale or porter, without being intox> cating. EISNER & MENDELSON CO., Sole Agts., N. Y- Sino On Decorated China, On White China 19000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000