Life — February 11, 1897 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FIVE O'CLOCK TEA, Saucers and insincerit Clatter of tongues and spoons; Gossip and spiced asperity, Atmosphere—good for swoons. Move, if the swift dexterity Known to the clown be thine. That's what you see At a five o'clock tea Served in a social shrine. This is the game S (Spelt with a bil Plays to dispel satiet Weariness dispossess. ‘Tannical insobriety Varies the dreary round, ‘Therefore you roam To a crammed At Home, Carefully groomed and gowned “Awfully glad to see you Awfully good to come: The rest, as the damsels tea you, Is lost in the 'wildering hum Nobody comes to free you Of saucer, and spoon and cup; So you stand and smile In a vacant style And long to be out and up Give me an A BC shop, Lead me to Lockard's bowers; ‘Take me to any tea-shop Scorned by the social powers Rather, I swear by AEsop, I'd munch at a penny bun, Then the cakes and gush Of a five o'clock crush, Where a hard day’s work is done, —Shetch. MarHews the elder was always well-dressed and carried a handsome umbrella. Munden, on the con- trary, who was miserly, used an old cotton one. After he had left the stage, Mathews met him one day in Covent Garden, and addressed him effusively: “I wish, old fellow, you'd let me have something of you as a remembrance.” ‘Certainly, my dear friend,” returned Munden, with great presence of mind, ‘* we'll exchange umbrellas,” and he did so with much dex- terity.— Argonaut. He. was about as black as the traditional ace of spades, and two dusky damsels, each of whom claimed the right to call him husband, sat bolt upright in the court-room and glared at the defendant. “Yo'r Honor,” said the prisoner, “1 want to apply for a change of venus in this case.”” “On what ground?” inquired the Court. “LT want a change of venus,” repeated the defend- . “because one of dese women is prejudiced ag'in "Troy Times. Tne train was about to leave the station, and a man leaned over the seat, shook hands with the aged gentleman, and said: “Good-bye, professor.” A man with wide stripes in his shirt-bosom looked at narrowly, and after the train started, said: “Kin ye do any tricks with cards?” “No; I never touched a card.” Mebbe ye play the pianny?” “1 know nothing of music, excepting as a m; matical science.” “Well, ye ain't Mebbe ye play pool? ba t shuffleboard?" ““T never heard of the game before.” “Well, say, I've guessed ye this time, It's f didn't think of it before. You're a mesmeric. “I'm nothing of the kind.” “Well, P'H give up. What is yer line? I kee ye're in the biz, ‘cause | heerd that young feller ca * perfesse: “I'm an instructor in Greek, rhetoric, and ances history.” “Ant yer can't do no tricks, ner play m hypnotize?” “Of course not.” The man turned and gazed out of the wi the opposite side of the car. “An he calls hisself perfesser,” he said to —Philadelphia } 0 boxer, 1 kin see by yer belt Yanstey : There comes Mud, Let's run Wickwike; What is the matter with Muc we should flee? * Haven't you heard? He has got so that every he has eight or ten drinks he wants to give recitationsit Scotch dialect."—/ndianapolis Journal. For sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain. The Inter- national News Com , Bream’s Building. C., England, Acuxrs, . Chancery Lane, Evnoran Acunrs—Messre, Brentano, $7 Avenue de l'Opera, Paris; Saarbach's News Exchange, 1 Clarnatrasse, “Mayense Germany, Agents for Germany, Austria and Switzerland, Abbott's—the Original Angostura Bitters—Is Ao cood for children In cases of colle, nausea, ete. Sold by the nearest drugelst, grocer or wine merchant, The price of good things oft is high, YETY OU RES CLeW Oak All you have guessed about life insurance may WE ; be g. Ify h PAY chow the wrth, send for POST =o) nc Peas i LIFE, * chestnut ACE. LIFE, 2-3-5 C Street, Philadelphia. But wise housekeepers tell That Ivory Soap is cheap to buy And best to use, as well. Copyrigha 1208 ty The Procter 8 Gable Ca.C8R send on of 10c. a sample any address. P 1!6. $1.30, 1 Wanted—An Idea ts: ci : some sim- ple thing to patent? Protect your ideas; they may bring you wealth. Write JOHN, WEDDERBURN & Co., Patent Attor- neys, Washington, D.C., for their $1,800 prize offer and new list of one thousand Inventions wanted. s KEATRIC Matinecs, Mon., Wed., § _ Shakespeare's Much. Tues. Thurs . Fri, Ev'g. Next Week LITTLE CIGARS ALL,IMPORTED:. TOBACCOs | Ax tninois member of Congress had dined with “Billy” Mason in Chicago. They had talked of the desire of Mr. Mason to come| HIGHEST IN PRIGE,|to the Senate. haa admired the beautiful house in which he lived, and then, smoking Jan after-dinner cigar, the two friends walked FINEST IN QUALITY, [dovn“"Cown togetncr. © When they were some distance from the house, the Con- gressman turned and looked Back at the large and brilliantly lighted dwelling. ‘*You have a beautiful home,” said the Congressman. “Yes,” replied Mason, with that wa’ between a laugh an I can hear th: squares away : Chicago and West—North Shore Limited—THE NEW YORK CEN OMiIcHoo! Pricessoe. Sal PARK & TILFORD, Agents. 25c. a Bundle, 10 in Bundle. Trial Package in Pouch by mail for 25c. H, ELLIS & CO., Baltimore, Md. Tue Ammnican Tosacco Co., Successor. a sound {a sigh, ‘* but