Life — February 11, 1897 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

*> LIFE: A BASE ALLOY. \ HEN Cupid's bow she aimed with, The lender sighed to sce That she was filled, not with pure love But with Cupidity. MISLEADING. >~NOOPER: This gloomy show which does not draw was ad- vertised under two misapprehensions, Swayeack: What were they? “It was booked as an ‘at- traction’ and then advertised as a ‘comic opera.’” IN THE THIRD PERSON. THE newsboys of Washington, against whom the ministers of that town have entered a crusade to prevent the selling of papers on Sunday, have drawn up the following petition: We, the newsboys of the District of Columbia, being told that our cry is no longer to be heard in the land on the Sabbath, and desiring to aid afl in our power the work of promoting the Chris- tian religion and its commands, respectfully ask that to the new law about ourselves and our business, the Commissioners, the President, Congress, and all concerned in our government, cause the following laws t be passed and enforced: _ First—That no minister be allowed to kiss his wife on Sunday. SECOND —That no minister be allowed to kiss any other woman on Sunday, or any other day. THtrp— That no minister be allowed to have a hot break- fast on Sunday, or a hot dinner. His servants have to work for money when they cook on Sunday. It is against the sanctity of the day. Fount — We ask that all the seats in the churches be made free by law. FirtH—That no minister be allowed to draw more than two thousand dollars salary a year. We believe that this sum is enough to support a large American family, with proper economy SixtTit— That each rich minister be obliged to sell all he has and give the money to the poor, according tothe order of his Divine Master. SEVENTH —That ministers who can find in Holy Writ one word, text or utterance in any way abridging the rights or hap- piness of children, be required to publish it, Ercan = That each minister be required to earn his living at some trade or business, and to pay therefrom his legitimate expenses. NixtH— That the Gospel be preached without money and without price, as the Saviour preached it. The Saviour was a carpenter, and drew no salary for his ministry. The ministers have yet to be heard from in reply to this, but up to date it is Lire’s candid opinion that the boys have the best of the argument. OSTON TEACHER: Name the products of Kansa Heavyplay: THEY'VE ATTACHED OUR TRUNKS AT LAST. PupiL (who reads the papers): Cyclones, cactus, She: GOODNESS! WHAT AM 1 TO DO? C. 1 GET MY CLOTHES ? Nixon WE MUST WALK EAST AS WE ARE: bootleggers, hell, whiskers, and hair.