Life — January 28, 1897 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The late Lord Chief Justice of England used to tell his friends this anec- dote at his own expense: Driving in his coupé towards the court one morning, an accident happened to it at Grosvenor Square. Fearing he would be belated, he called a cab from the street rank, and bade the Jehu drive him as rapidly as possible to the Courts of Justice.‘ And where are they?" “What, a London cabby, and don't know where the Law Courts are at Temple Bar?" ‘Oh, the Law Courts, is it? But you said Courts of Justice."— 7#-Bits. Ix response to an invitation from Robert Louis Stevenson to visit him in Samoa, Conan Doyle asked the great romancer how one got there. “Oh,” said Stevenson, “you go to America, cross the continent to San “ Doesn't your daughter dance 2" inquired the hostess. The lady addre looked around at the tall, anamic girl leaning against the wall. she is asked,” st sed “Not untess somewhat frigidly replied.— Cleveland Plain Deater. “T'st AFRAID,” remarked Colonel Stillwell’s friend, “that I have a touch of malaria.” “That's very bad,” replied the Colonel, sympathetically. “It's a most disagreeable malady.” “Yes. The only thing that | can possidly think of in favuh of malaria is the fact that whiskey is considered a good medicine foh it." -- Washington Svar Francisco, and then it's the second turning to the left "Argonaut. In hearing of an Irish case of assault and battery, counsel, in examining one of th nesses, asked him what they had the first place they stopped at ** Four glasses of ale,” was the reply. “ Next?" * Two glasses of whiskey.” ext?” “One glass of brandy.” “Next? “A figh My child,” said the old herring to the you “* the whole ocean is befoi z herring, by way of parting you, but don’t go too near those canneries the coast of Maine unless you want to be taken for a sardine. — Chicago Tribune. “What the Senate Committ Mr. Cleveland in re Sen on Foreign Relations has practically said to rd to the Cuban situation,” said a prominent Western ‘of lately, “reminds me of what Lincoln wrote to General McClellan, when the latter was in command of the army. General McClellan, cll known, conducted a waiting campaign, being so careful not to make any mistakes that he made very little headway. President Lincoln sent tt brief but exceedingly pertinent letter “*My Dear McClellan: If you don't want to use the army, I st to borrow itfora while. Yours respectfully, A, LINCOLN —Washington Post, President — Tit-Bits, asisw ‘Timmins: I have a notion to write one of these itch dialect stories. Sitoxs; But you don’t know anything about Scotch dialect ** L know as much about it as the people who buy the stori Id like —Indianapotis Journal. How hard it is to tell if Fortune's face Will smile on worth or greet it with a frown ! The idle boy slides lightly o'er the place Where grown-up cautiousness slips and falls down. —Washington Star. AN old Scotch lawyer, writing of an estate he had just bought, added: ‘There isa chapel upon it in which my wife and] wish to be buried if our lives are spared."— 7it-Bits. A delicious drink In. stantly made from WHITMAN'S. INSTANTANEOUS CHOCOLATE. Perfect in flavor and quality. Pat up pound and balf-pound tins, Stephen F. Whitman Son, PE NNSYL VAN IA IT’S YOURS a | Personally - Conducted Tours. MATCHLE, EVERY FEATURE. IN CALIFORNIA @ tours to CALIFORNIA and the PACIFIC T will leave New York and_ Philadelphia) bruary 24, and March 27, 18%. Five weeks in! Californfa on the first tour, and four weeks on the second. Passengers on the third tour will return on [regular trains within nine months. Stop will be made at New Orleans for Mardi-Gras festivities on the second tour. FLORIDA Jacksonville tours, allowing two weeks in Florida, will leave New York and Philadelphia February 9) and 23, and March 9, 1897. Rate, covering expenses| en route in both directions, $0.0) from New York, and $48.00 from Philadelphia, WASHINCTON \ Tours, each covering a period of three days, will jleave New York and Philadelphia February 11. |March 11, April 1 and 24, and May 13, levy. Kates, FOR $22.00 ef including transportation and two accommoda- ‘This FIREPLACE MANTEL de of ORNA. tion at the best Washington Hotels, $14.00 from New. MENTAL RED BRICK. masee York, and $11.50 from Philadelphia, Our Mantels are the best kind to have because they | Old Point Comfort Tours meet all requirements for artistic interior decora-| RETURNING DIRECT, OR VIA tion, and that is what no other kind does. | RICHMOND and WASHINGTON Send for our SKETCH BOOK, containing 52 desizns willleave New York and Philadelphia, January 23, | of various sizes. | February 2, March 18, and April 15, 1897. Se —s REMEDY HS,COLDS AND EOP an li ALL BRONCHIAL AND Se PULMONARY AFFECTIONS. SS PHILA. & BOSTON FACE BRICK CO., ; 17 LIBERTY SQUARE, BOSTON,MASS. Uy | For detailed itineraries and other information, apply at ticket agencies or address Geo, W. Boyd, Asst. Gen'l | Pass. Agent, Broad Street Station, Philadelphia. HARTFORD, NEW YoRK. iH