Life — December 5, 1896 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

: LIFE: cakes. I knows ‘twar dat same benighted Han’ ob Proverdence dat lead me pas’ Jim Simonses’ wagin whar de bag ob cohnmeal lay, jes’ as Jim stepped inter de grocery. (Ef Coroniferous Sal sneaks anothah hunk ob stuffin’, she'll hab ‘er hed took clean off!) Bress dis fam'ly, O Lord, and bress dis dinnah, which Thou habst set befoah us in Thy own mysteriously miracelous ways. Punish ouah enemies, an’ make ‘em scorch fohevah in de flamin’ pit! Fohgive us all ouah shortcomin’s, deah Lord, an’ long- comin’s too, Mek’ us percepterble to good, an’ send us anothah dinnah nex’ yeah! Amen! “T° HE man who has all he wants also has a mighty poor memory. SAY, MAME, I HEARS YER GIVE YER STEADY THE ICY SHUFFLE.” “WELL, WHAT ELSE CAN YER DO WID A FELLER AS HAS A SKATE ON ALL TIME?” ob Proverdence, O Lord, lef’ Fa’mah Wilkinses cellah doah on de latch, soas all de vegertables an’ succerlents foh dis feas’ could be pervided from his bounterful stoah. (Tek’ yoh fingers out’n dat gravy, Cephalenius Joe, or I'll skin yoh alive, shore!) Deah Lord, we wants ‘tickurlurly to thank Thee foh de fat goose which we owes to Thy lovin’ kindnesses. Meh hea’t were soah and downerd-cast as 1 come ‘long pas’ Widdah Bel- den’s las’ night, foh I were ‘a cogitatin’ what would ouah Chris’mus dinnah be ‘uthout a goose. Whenall to wunst, I saw de Widdah’s “Ole Whity” waddlin’ ‘way from hom: as fas’ as she laigs could tote ‘er, an’ I heard a still, small voice sayin’, ‘‘Theah, good an’ faithful servant, is yoh Chris’mus dinnah!" So I moked ‘long behin’ ‘er, an’ she runned straight inter ouah cabin, jes’ like she knowed whare de Lord wanted she to go. An’ when de Wid- dah come ‘long dis heyah mornin’ and asted ef I'd seed her ole white goose anywheres ‘bout, an’ instergated dat I were ole, brack thief an’ son ob Ole Nick hisself,-I kep’ my quakernimity puffectly an’ tole ‘er to sand she'd see ‘er ole fat my will, and nevah will I cross His decreedations ! (Eucalyptusia, ef yoh poke Sinan- deth Montgomery agin, I'll fotch yoh a slap that'll learn yoh suthin’!) Deah Lord, we thank Thee for all Thy pervidations, foh de cranberries from Jedge Jenkinses’ ma’sh, which do taste so pow'ful good with roas’ Fetus THE ORGANIST WHO GETS TO HIS APARTMENT HOUSE AT 2 A.M. AND PLAYS THE goose, and ‘specially foh de sweet hoe DOXOLOGY ON ALL THE BELLS. comicbooks.com