Life — December 5, 1896 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“LIFE « THE SPIRIT AND THE E night, once upon a.time, the Christ- mas Spirit appeared to A New York Theatrical Manager. It was the real Spirit this time, not the counterfeit one who had come to him so often before and told him how he could attract the weak-minded public by giving a Grand Silver Bunco Souvenir Christ- mas Matinee, with Christmas Gifts for the Children. The Christmas Spirit took the The- atrical Manager by the nape of the neck, yanked him out of bed, and took him to a show. The Manager sneered in his sleeve as they entered the portals of the wonderful Christmas Theatre, because these was not a single speculator on the sidewalk offering seats at advanced prices. The Christmas Spirit went to the box-office, and the Manager sneered again as he heard the man at the win- dow civilly inform the Spirit that the best he could do for him was two seats in the fourth row of the orchestra, instead of haughtily snarling, ** Last row back.” As they took their seats, the Manager sighed with grief as he saw the tremendou mount of space wasted in making the audience comfortable. The seats were actu- ally wide enough to allow a man of average build to sit in them without a feeling of constriction, and it was quite possible for a spectator to change his position with- out jabbing an elbow into his next-door neighbor. than this, the rows were so widely separated that one might sit through a performance without temporary paralysis of the lower limbs. A look of boredom crept over the Manager's face as the small but competent orchestra started in on a selec- tion from ‘‘ Faust." He couldn't understand it. His only idea of a theatrical orchestra was a dozen or two members of the Musical Labor Union executing ‘‘ You Never Miss Your Mother Till the Undertaker’s Come,” or the overture from ** Die Frankfarter ” (by Dinkelspiel) with a xylophone solo. As he looked through the programme—a small one, More MANAGER. decently - printed, and without objectionable advertisements—he sniffed with disgust, because nota single line of acknowledg- ment was made to a Bowery furniture house for the beau-~ tiful plush parlor sets, without which no play under his own management could be completely produced. He actually —__—_ gasped with horror he saw an usher come down the aisle and, courteously but firmly, request a woman to remove a large hat, which was obstructing the view of those behind her. The Manager and The Spirit sat through one act, and then the kindly heart of The Spirit relented. The Manager's sufferings were too awful for even a super- natural being to witness without pity. THE BIRD'S MISTAKE. E LUCK, 1 MUST— The play was clean and interesting, and the speeches were written in good English, The actors actually enunciated well, and pronounced their words correctly. They made some effort to be like real people, instead of living up to stage traditions as The Manager understood them, The orchestra did not obtrude itself with creepy music at harrowing moments, and the electric light man was not permitted to amuse himself with moonlight and sunset effects whenever it pleased his fancy. The Christmas Spirit had watched The Manager's hair gradually turn from a genuine sugar-of-lead black to a grizzly white, and then led him out through the spacious but not gaudy lobby into the fresh air. And then The Manager woke up, heard the Christmas bells ringing, and wondered whether it would be more money in his pocket to hire a forty-dollar soubrette in place of the fifty-dollar one, or whether he would better narrow the chairs in the orchestra.circle one inch each, and concluded to do both. Metcalfe.