Life — November 26, 1896 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHOOSING A WOILD-CHARNAL REPRESENTATIVE. Scene: A newspaper office on the umpth floor of a Park Row skyscraper, under a tinfoil dome. (Enter First Candidate.) First Candidate—I should like to be sent as represen- tative of the Woild-Charnal to Cuba, sir. Editor—M’m! What are your qualifications ? First Candidate—I was born there, speak Spanish perfectly, and am thoroughly acquainted with the coun- try. Editor—Dear, dear! That's too bad. ence in writing ? First Candidate—I have been a contributor to most of the great magazines and reviews for years. Editor (impatiently)—Yes, yes; but that's no use. I mean fiction—a hysteric novel like the “ Red Bunch of Corsage,” or something erotic. First Candidate—I have never written fiction, sir, Editor—Don't believe you'll do. Ah—how would you report an interview witha Spanish general ? First Candidate—How ? Why, tell what he said, certainly. Editor (in disgust)—Well, the Woild-Charnal doesn’t want any such school-boy rubbish as that! What do you suppose we pay our correspondents for, anyway ? You haven't the first conception of journalism! Why don't you write almanacs? James, show this young man the way to the elevator ! Had any experi- (Enter Second Candidate.) Editor—Want to see about that Cuban correspond- ence ? Second Candidate—That’s right! Editor—Do you know anything about Cuba ? econd Candidate—Not on your lite! SEIKORS AT WLLaK Editor (rubbing his hands)—You talk as though you'd do. Do you speak Spanish ? Second Candidate—Nit ! Editor—Fine! Fine! nalism ? Second Candidate—Me! Well, say! I've been writ- ing Hell's Kitchen dialect sketches for three years. Editor (eagerly)—You don't tell me! Young man, you'vea great future before you. How would you re- port an interview with a Spanish general ? Second Candidate (winking)—Interview ? Say! I can write interviews at the rate of amilean hour. I'll do them on the steamer going down. Editor (with a howl of delight)—You'll do, young man! You're just the one I've been looking for. Name any salary you want, Here's a check. Take the first steamer to-morrow! Spare no expense, and send no dispatch in which the Woild-Charnal is not mentioned at least eighty times! You know about that, I suppose. Second Candidate—Am I on? Well, say! (Goes out, leaving the Editor hugging himself.) —New York Press. A party of Kentuckians were in Washington some years ago and called on the congressman from their district. During the conversation the visitors asked about Colonel , a former neighbor who had been living in Washington for some time, “I am very sorry to tell you, gentlemen,” replied the member of Con- gress, “that Colonel is in hard luck. He fs very poor, indeed, I assure you, He does not complain, and it was only by accident that I learned of his straitened circumstances. He has a room across the hall from my room at the hotel. A few nights ago I went across to borrow his corkscrew. Would you believe it, gentle- men, Colonel is'actually so poor his corkscrew is rusty 2" —Argonaut, Had any experience in jour- Translated by Artnur Hornblow, York and Londo HARPER AND BROTHERS, N’W YORK, ([* the First Person, By Maria Louise Pool Alone in China, and Oth St " Ralph. er Stories. By Jal Gascoigne’s “Ghost.” By G. B. Burgin. The Dwarf's Tailor, and Other Fairy Tales. lected by Zoé Dana Underhill 2 Clarissa Furiosa, By W. Norris, Love in the Backwoods. By Langdon Elwyn Mites STONE AND KIMBALL, NEW YORK Ring O' Rushes. By Shan F, Bullock. The Scarlet Coat, By Clinton Ross. The Puppet. By Clinton Ross. A Romany of the Snows, By Gilbert Parker, James; or, Virtue Rewarded. THE CENTURY COMPANY, NEW York, Stories of a Sanctified Town. By Lucy S. Forma, The Cat and the Cherub, and Other S\ Chester B. Fernald. er Stortess 3 Sonny. By Ruth McEnery Stuart. eustations for Occasions, Compiled by Katheriseh ‘ood. THE MACMILLAN COMPANY, NEW YORK AND LoNDox The Poetical Works of Robert Browning. n+ v0a| A Puritan Bohemia, By Margaret Sherwood. HERBERT $, STONE AND COMPANY, CHICAGO, The Land of the Castanet, By H. C. Chat6elt| Taylor. The Carissima. By Lucas Malet. The Triumph of Death. By Gabriele D'Annunzn New York: Geez! H. Richmond and Company. Tobacco in Song and Story. Compiled by Joia Bain, Jr. New York: Arthur Gray and Company. Bill Nye's History of England, Philadelphia: J.8) Lippincott Company. An Uncrowned King, By Sidney C. Grier. Nev 3. P. Putnam’s Sons. For salo by all Newsdealers in Great Britain. The Inter- pational News Company, Bream's Building. Chancery Lane, London, &. C., England, AonNts, Evnoreax Ag fj ExTS—Mesare. Brentano, $7 Avenue de "Opera, ‘Saarbach’s News Exchange, 1 Ciarastrasse, Mayence, P Germany, Agents for Germany, Austria and Switzerland. There is a “comfortable feeling” that comes after a bath with Ivory Soap. Tne Procter & Gawore Co., Cin'ti, | Mr. Mead will be at th B gagements, ete. Ma SEO Goo OK AL Gisticres SMOKE. MIXTURE SION 0, Patent tions wanted. As good as an ocean voyaze — Abbot! ngostars Bitters In W. Abbott & Co., on Ii WANTED—AN IDEA, ‘he can think thing to patent! Protect your ideas: the: bring yoo wealth, Write JOHN WEDDERBCRN & torneys, . Washington, D.C., for their $1,800 prize offer and list of 90 inven- A SELECT PARTY for the | Mediterranean Countries Leaves New York JANUARY 5, 1897, + + + + + Limited Namber. Strictly First Class ‘Twelfth Season ticulars address Mra. M. A. CROSLEY, 2 BEDFORD AVE, BROOKLYN, N.Y. Original tne driakiog waters C. All druggists, some almple Dept. C.1 HAMILTON HOTEL. HAMILTON, BERMUDA. OPEN DECEMBER\UNTIL MAY. ret MEAD & BROOKS, Managers. 000D, rau, 3 Park place, New York, N , Nov. W to Dee. 12, < from 11'to 1 o’ciock daily, to show plans, make en: Tach © taken in Gecorat volume, adore bo vil be te M}HN 5” N Avenue | VICORY. Wii) For par- poor man? You look ill. “Your Honor,” said a lawyer in al \ Miss Goopty: What's the matter, my Nare standard. Tramp: Madam, something I haven't N |Patronize American indutries es'<= = ssareca wih me —London Truth, \ N HARTFORD, CO! '—wear KNOX HATS. DALY'S ™=*"* GEISHA Every night, 8.15, Matinees Wed. and Sat. at 2 Most Fascinating Performance in Town, my learned friend is lighter than vanity. It \ is air; it is smoke. From top to bottom it |is absolutely nothing. And, therefore, your honor, it falls to the ground by its own weight."—Exchange. \N x recent trial in England, “the argument of New York. Phitadelphia. Chee} Minneapolis. Toronto. é ei comicbooks.com