Life — November 5, 1896 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

*LIFE- A CONJUGAL LAMENT. PON the stairs his loud tip-toes Arouse me from a troubled doze, As staggering bed-ward late at night, He thrusts himself upon my sight, With eyes a-squint and ruddy nose. Would'st thou not feel impelled to blows, When, breaking on thy night's repose, His maudlin gaze, in full gas-light, Upon thee stares? Quite long enough I've borne these woes, The doors and windows I will close, And bolt them hard and fast and tight. - And leave him there in sorry plight To sober up, next time he goes Upon these tears! Samuel N. Pond. AN URGENT CASE. PAUENT: If you don’t get me well, doctor, you are likely to be stuck. Docror: How's that ? *T haven't enough money to pay both you and the undertaker.” UCCESS always travels in the direction you are going; it cannot be met, but must always be over- taken. UNSELFISH. ~HE: Why is it, dear, that when you get seats at the theatre you always get them so far back ? ‘‘On account of your hat. I like other people to see the play.” “MELLO, THERE! DID YOU HAVE A SILVER SPOON IN YOUR mouTH 2?” “NAW. I'MA GOLD MAN I” WHEN SHE GETS TO JAPAN,