Life — October 15, 1896 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Delightfully Fragrant and Refreshing- A Favorite ‘with Connolsseurs oLETTES wio On: ¥iolets) ov CZAR OONCENTRATED PERFUMES L. LEGRAND (triz Perfor) 11, placede 1a Madeleine, PARIS SSA Theo! eal awarded at the Paris ion 1889. “WELOUTINE TOILET POWOER— CEX. FAL, In aprer 9, Roe eta Pals. Paris.—Caation. Nove Genuine bat those bearing the word " FRANCE” and the sigast Ci eon~~—~—~_—~_—~_»>_» rrr. GOUT? UT? SCHERING'S Fer Sale by Dracelste P| PE ERAZ l Add Troubles. } LEHN & FINK, Agents, New York. ot WATER WILL _CURE IT. | aan aan ~ — RECOMMENDED FOR Gravel, Calculus, Lazy Liver, and all Uric aviland China It is important to buyers that they should be informed that the only ware that has always been known as Haviland China is marked under each piece: On White China, On Decorated China. EVOLUTION OF SILVER STATESMEN, When I think upon the chasm, Said the quivering Protoplasm, That yawns 'twixt me and Protozoa; Wheo I view the bonds that link us To the gay Ornithorynchus Or the Steganopodes upon the shore; When I see how things develop, From the ugly oyster-shell up To the fascinating young Cephalopod, How the Deccapoda followed To be subsequently swallowed By the lobster-pot or hungry Thomas-cod ; How the first fruit of creation, Spurning other recreation, Confined itself to evolutin’ up, Till it stood in the regalia Of the higher-class mammalia, And was fondled as a barking brindled pup When I think, too, how much bigger, Is the present human figure, And how much more symmetrical in shape Than the first developed mammal, Or the burden-bearing camel, Or even than the anthropoidal ape, Lam filled with admiration At the wonders of creation, And I look upon my progeny with pride; | But for my contribution To the scheme of evolution The experiment might never have been tried, And yet, said Protoplasm, With a meditative spasm, As he gave himself an instant’s thoughtful pavse, 1am sometimes led to wonder If we haven't made a blunder In developing such loosely swinging jaws. ‘They are well enough for eating, But in every place of meeting, And whenever there's an audience ia reach, There's a pair of them in motion, Pouring out a perfect ocean Of muddled and befuddled parts of speech | ‘There is Stewart, of Nevada, Who can churn the language harder Than Niagara churns the water at its base, And that soporific zephyr, The interminable Pefler, When be opens up the wind-cave in his face. ‘Then, there's Allen, of Nebraska, Who was never known to ask a Moment's rest because his mouth was getting tired, And there's Alabama Morgan, With a powerful vocal organ, Much too active to be constantly admired There is Wolcott, Jones, and Teller, Who can stand all day and beller That fifty cents in silver's worth a dollar, And there's Voorhees, and there's Vest, Call, and Cockrell, and the rest, And the cuckoos wearing Grover Cleveland's collar. In tact, I think the Senate, In those dreadful minutes when it Sees an orator like Peffer take the flo or, Offers proof and demonstration | That the whole scheme of creation | Has ended in an everlasting bore. | The higher class mammalia | Seem to me an utter failure, | From the time they left the protoplasmic cell, In the Senate, House, and cloister, They've done nothing that an oyster Couldn't do in decent silence just as well. For the humor of the oyster Is jucier and moister, And it's wiser than the Senate any day. For it doesn't howl and cut up, And it knows enough to shut up, + When it really hasn’t anything to say, —Isaac N. Bromley in The Argonaut. F Y ¢ P s c F P 4 s Ccomicbooks.com