Life — September 10, 1896 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OLD Mrs. M—, who was seriously ill, found herself to be in a trying position which she defined to a friend in these words : “You see my daughter Harriet is married to one o' these homeypath doctors an’ my daughter Kate to an allypath. If I call in the homeypath my allypath son-in-law an’ his wife git mad, an’ if I call in my allypath son-in-law my homeypath son-in-law an’ his wife git mad, an’ if 1 go ahead an' git well without either o' em then they'll both be mad, so I don’t see but I'd better die outright."—Detroit Free Press THe recent scandal in Berlin recalls the story of Schweninger’s appoint- ment as body physician to Prince Bismarck. At their first interview the prince lost his temper and growled: ‘Don't ask so many questions;" to which Schweninger replied: ‘* What you need is a horse doctor; he asks no ques- tions.” Whereupon Bismarck scowled, and presently tugged at the bell. The doctor was in doubt as to whether he was not to be shown out into the street. But the command was: “ Fetch the doctor's things from the station.” Argonaut, “Ie you don't give me a quarter,” said little Willie, “I'm going to tell about you kissing sister.” “But I hadn't even thought of kissing your sister,” protested the young man, “You ain't 2" said Willie, puzzled. ‘Then I wonder what she told me to say that to you for ?"—/ndianapolis Journal. a a A Lapby, leading a Skye-terrier by a chain, entered the lady's cabin of a Gloucester ferry-boat the other day. The dog crawled under the seat and went to sleep. Presently a stout man, carrying a market basket, took the vacant place beside her, and stowed his basket under the seat. Soon after the boat started, the woman began to wriggle. She shook out her skirts, and, in aa audible whisper said, ‘* Don't be rude, Fido.” Presently she turned pale, and, jerking the chain, cried : “Lie down, Fido. Behave yourself, sir." A momeot later she jumped up with a shriek and began to execute a war dance, striking at her skirts the while, The stout citizen stared at her in amazement, and then an idea struck him. Reaching under the seat for his basket he looked inside it, and then a great light of intelligence came over him. ‘ Madam," said be, without moving an eyelash, when you are through with my lobster, will you kindly return it to me 2" The jaws of the lobster were wrenched apart before the lady had recovered from her faint.—Phtladelphia Inguirer. A New England woman, who lives in an inland town attended the recent Christian Endeavor Convention in Washington. She spent one night of the journey on board a steamboat. It was the first time she had ever traveled by water. She reached Washington extremely fatigued. To a friend who re- marked it, she replied: ‘Yes, I'm tired to death. I don’t know as I careto travel by water again. Iread the card in my state room about how to put the life preserver on, and I thought I understood it, but I guess I didn’t, thougt. Some way, I couldn't seem to go to sleep with the thing on."—Argonaut. Food For Both Every nursing moth- er needs the kind of nourishment there the is in ANHEUSER BUscy. Aili Nubrine The baby needs it in order togvow healthy and plump: the mother needs it in order to keep healthy and plump. For sale by all druggists’. Prepared by ANHEUSER-BUSCH BREWING ASSOCIATION, St. Louis, U. S. A. Send for handsomely illustrated colored booklets and other reading matter. New York Depot, 24 and 27 WEST STREET. Pears’ Oh! the luxury of it. Nothing else makes skin sc soft and beautiful. To wash or bathe with Pears’ Soap is the acme of comfort and cleanliness. But—be sure you get Pears’. Economical — wears to the thinness of a wafer. Avoid substitutes. Pears’ «necriciont) Shaving Stick is unrivalled. Sold everywhere— Used everywhere. 200000 0000000000000 00000009 A Miniature? Vesuvius ~“ §} inside your head You know bow that fools Indigestion, Insomnia, Overwork—possible causes; Wrights Paragon Headache Remedy the cure, certain as tbe sunrise. No scientific gents Wantes in every emunty Im the U.S comicbooks.com