Life — September 3, 1896 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Very Up-to-Date.—' Many years ago,” said the RENAN in his Fewilles Détachtes tells a story of a second wife mother—with the question: ‘ Papa, wills jubilee orator, ‘tit was said of us that we were the in- church service in Brittany where the priest delivered let me go to see you married ? I have never been ata} habitants of a one-horse town. To-day we stand with such a touching appeal that his hearers, with one ex- of your weddings.’ "—7it-Bits, the stigma removed. As we look forth on our streets ception, shed tears, But this one robust individual, and see the merry bicycle and the dignified gasoline who was leaning against a pillar, remained unmoved Mr, DoLan’s Ditesaa,—" Oi'm all av a puzzles, carriages speeding to and fro, we say with conscious throughout the entire sermon, cernin’ the next election,” remarked Mr. Dolan phis pride that we are a one-horse town no longer. The last ‘The French are an emotional people, and the restof __ tively.‘ Are you confused on the financial questios horse has been banished, and we are a modern up-to- _ the congregation could not imagine how this heart of ‘‘It’s worse nor that. Oi ginerally take soides date, no-horse town of the first class.” stone had remained untouched. preliminary debatin’, but Oi'm on the fince this px —Cincinnaté Enguirer. “And you,” said one-of. them to the man, “you are | Wid wan’ the min named ‘McKinley’ an’ the oe not weeping!" named ‘Bryan,’ bedad, it's difficult to have hard felis AN appeal to the methods of chance in any disagree- “Why no,” said he, “I don't belong to this towards ayther av thim."--Washington Star, ment or perplexity isa very foolish thing. Ifonets sure aright ™ of a point he should stick to it no doubt; or if he is wil- “Some of the reports say that the women west ling—as one should always be when no principle is in- PHILANTHROPIST: You say you have nota thing in over Bryan at different places along his route," — volved—to give it up to another, it is far more graceful the house to eat, and no means of getting anything; marked the Horse Editor. and satisfactory to give it up outright. but I notice you have three fine looking bicycles. “That's natural,” replied the Snake Editor, “g A story told by an orator who recently spoke onthe — Money enough ought to be raised upon them to keep _ is the bargain-counter candidate.” currency question—it does not matter on which side— you in food for a long time. “ How so?” satirizes the arbitrament of chance, as invoked in that Appticant: How do you expect we can bear up “He wants to mark the dollar down to fifty. or any other dispute, under our privations unless we have our wheels to cents."—Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph. Two young men, it appears, were suitors for the occupy our minds ?—Soston Transcript, | hand of a young lady. One of them said to the other: MoTHER (fo her boy sliding down the banisterd “Both of us wish to offer ourselves to this lady 2” Tite Rev. Doctor—, a prominent clergyman, re- Fritz, what are you doing there ? “That is eviden' lates, with much gusto, the following story about him- Fritz: Making trousers for orphan boys. “But we do not wish to fight a duel over her.” self, His present wife, by the way, is not the wife of his —Fliegende Blatter, “T think not.” youth, nor yet of his early manhood, but the lady of his “Then I will tell you what we can do.” third choice, and, as a consequence, the doctor's set of AT a recent wedding in an English town the offca “What?” olive branches spring from divers maternal ancestry. ting minister asked how the name of one of the wita “Let us toss up for her!" “Such a condition of affairs,” said the doctor, was spelt, to which he received the reply, ‘* McHugh’ The other looked a moment at his rival,and then “might at times become embarrassing except for the The minister then inquired how it was that the vi said: thorough amiability of all concerned. I confess, how- ness spelt his name in that way when his sister sp “Very well; I will toss up a brick, and if it staysup ever, to a slightly disconcerted feeling when, shortly hers McCue,” to which the witness responded: in the air the young lady is yours. If it comes down __ before my third marriage, I was approached by one of _‘* Please sir, my sister and me didn’t go to the sm she is mine !"— Youth's Companion. my daughters—a girl of nine,and one who called my —_school."—New Yors Tribune. For sate by all Newsdeaiers in Great Britain, | The Inter Evnoreax Agxyts—Messra. Brentano, 37 Avenue de !'Opera, tional Ni Paris; Saarbach’s News Exchange, 1 Clarastrasse, Mayence, Bream’s Building. Chancery Lane, oneTs. eam Germany, Agents for Germany, Austria and Switeeriand. Ponda, BC, Bagland; a IvoRY SOAP “HUNTER | “Though lost to sight, to memory dear” is the motto for The American Gentleman's ordinary soaps. WHISKEY Ivory Soap is always in sight and is not wasting at the bot- For Club, Family and steai| SOLID SILVERWARE tom of the tub. i cinal use. Tus Peocrta & Gauact Ca. Cin-T YEARS The Best mC WE All you have guessed about lite Table Wares—Tea, heres oe WHISKEY |. pessert services Fors VALE Geprtcnans PAY Jeod for "How and Why,” wo E 7 [an Sse! rvices, Fo S POST-: sued by the Payn Murvat Lirg in America Spoons, Knives and all need MIXTURE ‘gat-3-5 Chestnut Street, Phila Endorsed by leading physi- , ACE. ‘ra delphia. | cians when stimulantis” |ful small. pieces. Prescribed. " PURE, OLD, MELLOW DON’T BOIL tes asa: DRINK HUNTER RYE—IT'S PURE Made in a jify, with boiling water or milk, | Sold at all Firat -Ciasm Cafes and vy| THEODORE B, STARR Sold everywhere. You enjoy It, that’s one reason It does you WM. LANAHAN & SON, Battimore 206 Fitth Avenue, good —Angostura Bitters —the original—Ab- | 7, oa ie Raye a Madison Square, i THe following is a good plan, says a betters Dresutste;,. | Frenchman, to avoid tipping the waiter ata New York. \restaurant: ‘‘ When the bill comes, pay it In the biography of Dr. Hawtrey,afamous |exactly. A certain involuntary expression English schoolmaster, there is adescri of astonishment will be visible on the wait- of his unkempt appearance,withacomment |er’s face, well-trained though it may be. You which has been greatly quoted. It is said |should then rise, saying to him: ‘I have that he was scolding, for being late at morn- | made an excellent dinner; you manage the 2 | ing lesson, some boy, who replied that he |establishment much better than the preced- had no time to dress. ‘But I'can dress in |ing proprietor did.’ During bis rapture at "said the doctor. ‘ Yes,” replied the |being mistaken for the owner of the restau- “but Z wash,"—Argonaut. rant, you escape."—7it-Bits. BEST LINE TO CHICAGO AND THE WEST—THE NEW YORK CENTRAL comicbooks.com