Life — August 27, 1896 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A POPULIST SONG. Oh, we are rollicking, frolicking Pops! We can talk, if we wish, till the universe stops. We're a vigorous sort at a story or song, Our finances are short and our whiskers are long ; And that’s why We're here to apply For various changes, both startling and new. We want a whole lot, Though we don't know just what; "Most any old thing (so it’s different) will do. Serenely we're looking ahead to the day When di'monds wont cost near as much as baled hay, And a blue gingham shirt, when we've counted our vote, Will be stylisher far than a swallow-tail coat. And that’s why We're here to apply Fora share of the spoils which we reckon our due; And we don't have to wait For a cause for debate— *Most any olé cause (so it’s different) will do. —Washington Star. WueEy we got to the Post Office at the mining town of Strawberry Hill the mail bag had to be carried to and from Bluff City over the hills by a man on foot. The distance was nine miles, and wastraversed twice a week. One Wednesday the carrier came in without the bag, and the four hundred men assembled around the shanty used as a Post Office at once demanded an explanation. “Tl tell you how it was," began the man, who was bleeding from a dozen hurts, “Up thar, at the bend, I was tackled by a bar.” “And you killed him, of course,” crowd. No, I left my gun bebii Then you dodged him “No, Tried to dodge him, but he was right thar.” “Then you ran away?"” ““No chance to run. The critter was after me or that mail bag, and I heaved him the bag and got away. He clawed me a few times, but it's nuthin’ to hurt.” “Stephen Jackson,” said Judge Watkins in solemn tones, as a murmur of indignation passed through tne crowd, ‘do you mean to tell us that you give up that mail bag to that b'ar?"" “Thad to.” ‘Didn't that b'ar seem to prefer you to the bag?” “*Reckon he did.” “And you felt that he did?” “Yes, felt pretty strong that way.” “And yit, after sw'arin’ to uphold the sacred Con- stitution of tne United States and defend that mail bag with your life, you calmly fed it toa b’ar?” “Had to do it to git away.” “But who said anythin’ about your gettin’ away? It was your solemn dooty to perish right thar! It was your dooty, sir, as a patriot and a mail carrier and a Government offishul to hang that mail bag to a limb and let that b'ar go ahead on your carcass! You hev escaped the b’ar, but you hev to deal with the outraged feelin’s of this yerecamp! Stephen Jackson, howdo you prefer to die?” “By hangin’, “Wall, we'll send two men up to the bend, If they git the bag you are saved; if the b'ar has devoured it, we'll hang you by the neck till you ar’ dead. The men found the bag and the carrier's life was replied one of the 4.” saved, although he lost his job. Singularly enoeg, the bag contained but one letter, and that was a mis: for Judge Watkins from his wife in Ohio, saying gf needn't come home, as she had applied for adi and expected to marry a better man. — Detroit Free Pre ARBITRARY ENGLISH LANGUAGE, We'll begin with box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes. The one fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of mouse should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a whole nest of mice, But the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? The cow in the plural may be cows or kine, But a bow if repeated is never called bine. And the plural of vow is vows, never vine, If I speak of a foot and you show me your fect, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth? If the singular’s this and the plural is these, Should the plural ot kiss ever be nicknamed keese? Then one may be that and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose: And the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother, and also of bretaren, But though we may say mother, we never say ‘Then the masculine pronouns are he, his, him, But imagine the feminine she, shis, and shim? So the English, I think, you all will agree, Is the greatest language you ever did see. —Commonwealth all Newsdealers in Great Britain. The Inter» Company, Bream's Bullding, Chancery Lane, AGEnts, ROMY, (S89 A wise young woman understands Rielle, ee | IVORY’: Evaort Paris Saarbach's News. Excl EAN AGENTS—Messrs, Brentano, $7 Avenue de 'Opers, Mayenee, ‘Clarastrasse, , Agents for Germany, Austria and Switzerland. ‘SOAP Don't leave all the work to your stomach. | A spoonfal of Abbott's Original Angostara Bit-| ters before meals alds digestion. (0 ina ae Oraggista. CHOCOLATE. NO BOIUIN hiaGX LGRIT That Ivory Soap is best to use For outing flannels, sunburned hands, se a) Light summer gowns and tennis shoes. ABROAD IN Duzpy: a bicycle for you, has he ?”” Doony : Yes. “Did he give you any directions re- | garding its use?” “Yes; he told me not to take more than six drops after each meal.” ALL,IMPORTED TOBACCQ., HIGHEST IN PRICE, | said, Wuew Lord Colchester was Speaker Paris of the House of Commons, Sir Joseph Yorke called Whitbread ‘‘a brewer of | bad porter.” Whitbread affected to treat this as be ordinary libel. ¢ Berlin “I rise as a tradesman to com- | | London. 2. So your doctor has prescribed dealers. Glasgow... —Roxbury Gazette, 37 Av With admirable tact “*Mr, Speaker,” LIFE IS REGULARLY ON SALE PUBLISHING . 30 Newcastle Street, Strand, Silver tea sets, from t and atallthe principal news- OFFICES, Messrs. WM. PORTEOUS & 5 Exchange Place. BRENTANO'S, . de l'Opera. A, FREYBOURG, » 36 Zimmer Strasse ; SOLID SILVER TEA SERVICES. Buyers will find here or of the largest assort ments in the country 4 jlowest in cost to most expensive, all ches en with special referens to the requirementsan Standards of persons§ good judgment and in such matters. THEODORE B. STARK FINEST IN QUALITY. 2sc. a Bundle, ro in Bundle. Trial Package in Pouch by mail for 25. H, ELLIS & CO., Baltimore, Md. Tue Amnnican Tosacco Co., Successor, plain of the gallant officer's abuse of | the commodity I sell."—Argonaut, | Squire (to gardener, who has been to London by excursion): And what did you think of the metropolis, Adams ?”” Apams: Beg pardon, zur? “ How did you like the metropolis ?” Twarn't open, eur."—Pick-Me- Up. | GEORGE STILKE, 3 Dorotheen Strasse. And at the leading newsdealers through- out Germany, Switzerland and France. 206 Fifth Ave., Madison Square,