Life — August 13, 1896 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A sTory is told of the summary way in which President Hopkins of Williamstown once disposed of the case of a student at the college. ‘The young man had been married ) a short time previous to entering the college, and was led to fear that CF) wii might debar him from > Z enjoying some of the privileges of )U the institution. Accordingly, ina | XP great state of perturbation he = gL called on President Hopkins, who a received him with much cordiality. Fh iver soit convertation, during whlch’ the young man suffered agonies of suspense, knowing what he must say, he at last managed to stammer, with a crimson face, apropos of some- thing entirely irrelevant : “1-1 am a married man!” “Ab, said President Hopkins, smiling at him with great benignity, ‘so am 1!"—Youth's Companion. “You say you would vote for a hog if it were nominated by your party 2” “Yes, I would.” “Well, of course a man ought to stay where he belongs."—Chicago Record. CHARLES O'Conor and James W. Gerard were once opposed to each other in an important trial. When Mr. O’Conor produced his first witness, Mr. Gerard rose and said: ‘‘ Mr. O'Conor, what do you propose to show by this witness?” Mr. O’Conor told what he wished to prove. ‘It is useless to waste the time of the court and jury in proving that,” said the other; ‘I admit it.” Mr. O'Conor then called his next witness, and the same question and answer were repeated. “I admit it,” said Mr. Gerard; ‘don’t let us waste time.” An. other witness began, and Mr. Gerard interrupted: “I admit all you say you are going to prove. Let us hurry along.” With a rapidity which almost took O'Conor's breath away, all the facts which he had accumulated were accepted wholesale. There he rested his case, and Gerard, forthe defense, called no wit nesses, but at once began his address to the jury. ‘Gentlemen of the jur said he,“‘some of you know me personally. Ihave no doubt those of you who are not personally acquainted with me know me by reputation. Now, gentlemen, you know that if my client had been guilty of any fraud, I should be the last man on earth to admit it. 1 should hide it from you, I should cover it up, I should fight, fight—and I know how to fight—against the proof of its getting in evidence. If my client had been guilty of fraud, do you think I would admit it? No! no! Never! sever! never!" Here he looked at his watch. ‘Ges. tlemen, excuse my brevity. I have an engagement to dine to-day, and my time is almost up; I will detain you no longer.” He won his case.—Argonaut. A GENTLEMAN traveling in England some years ago, while walking near encountered a number of insane people in charge of akeeper. Nod ding to one of the lunatics, he said: ‘* Where does this railway go to?" With a scornful look the lunatic replied: “It doesn’t go anywhere; we keep it here to run trains on."—Philadelphia American, Doctor: New, Bobby, take your powders like a man. Bonsy: Pooh! If I did I'd act a great deal worse than I do now. ought to see papa when he has to take mediciae.—Harper's Bazar. Correct So Far: “Henry?” “Yes. “1 think Mr. Bryan is right in one thing.” ‘What is that, sire?” ‘He says he will not accept a term."—Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph. Y THROUGH WONDERLAND. Personally-Conducted Tours to Yellowstone Park via Pennsylvania Railroad. The Yell wstone Park is one of the most wonder- fully attractive regions of the world. Its beauties of scenery, the wild grandeur of its mountains and canons, compel the admiration of every visitor, while its phe- nomenal geysersand curious mineralogical formations make it a rich field for the investigation of the scientist. Universal interest attaches to it, and in order that the natural desire to visit it may be accom- pli-hed in the most satisfactory manner, the Pennsyl- vania Railroad Company bas arranged for a tour covering a period of sixteen days, leaving New York and Philadelphia, Thursday, August 27. As the tour will be run under the personally-con- ducted tourist system inaugurated by the above-named company, itis badly necessary to give the assurance that it will be arranged in the most complete manner. It might be well to state, however, that no other means of seeing the park thoroughly is comparable to that afforded by a well ordered personally-conducted tour. A special train, consisting of a dining, Pullman vestibule drawing-room, sleeping compartment, and observation cars, which will be the best that can be secared, will be provided, in which passengers will live en route; and whenever the journey is broken the choicest rooms in the leading hotels will be reserved for the use of the tourists, for which regular rates are paid, so that the goests, although members of ®@ party, enjoy all the privileges of individuals who may have made their own selections. ‘The party will be conducted throughout by a tourist agent especially selected for his ability and experi- ence, with chaperon to look after the comfort of lady passengers. The rate, covering every necessary expense, will be #210 from Boston, and $00 from New York, Phila- delphia, Baltimore, Washington, and Harrisburg ; pro- portionate rates from other points. Detailed itinerary will be sent on application to Tourist Agent, 205 Washington Street, Boston; 1196 Broadway, New York; x0 Fulton Street, Brooklyn, or Room 411, Broad Street Station, Philadelphia. @ oD “Please, Mister Burglar, don’t take that, ‘cause papa Says us children couldn’t — get along without it.” There is more actual aourishment in ANHEUSER-BUscy, Salt —the food drink—than can be gained in any other way. It's a_ prime producer of blood and the ideal vitalizer. Invalu- able for nursing mothers and sufferers from wasting diseases. Sold by all druggists. Prepared by ANHEUSER-BUSCH BREWING ASSOCIATION, St. Louis, U.S. A. Send for handsomely illustrated colored booklets and other reading matter. NEW YORK DEPOT, 24 AND 27 WEST STREET. ‘ s -~Yuilitne TRADE MARK. aC a CP ee CP a Oe eC eae aa CN Fe CF a ON ON eh)