Life — July 30, 1896 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“LIFE: A visttor from Manchester had been invited to address the Sunday- school. “1 am reminded, children,” he said, “of the career of a boy who was once no larger than some of the little fellows I see before me. He played truant when he was sent to school, went fishing every Sunday, ran away from home when he was ten years old, learned to drink, smoke tobacco and play cards. He went into bad company, frequented stables and low tap-rooms, finally became a pickpocket, then a forger, and one day, ina fit of drunkenness, he committed a cowardly murder. Children,” he continued impres- sively, “where do you think that — boy is now 2” “SJ! He stands before us!" cried the children, as with one voice.—Sketch, “I'm done with South America,” he declared with an air of disgust as he looked at the other loungers in the hotel regaling parlor and sipped a glass of beer. “Nature overdoes everything down there. Melon vines grow so fast that the melons are ruined by being dragged over the ground. Where the soil is most fertile the natives have to go up in a balloon to pick grapes. Corn grows so tall that crows eat it out of gun range, and the stalks have to be cut down with an ax, The grass comes on so fast that the farmers make hay every week, and there is enough fruit raised to supply the markets of the world. A man can live there without turning a hand,” “T guess not,” grunted an old toper who was looking for just that kind of a snap. “I say you can and have the best there is going. But I wouldn't live there if they deeded me the whole shooting match. There are more snakes there than there are leaves in Formosa, or wherever it is, They can run like a motor car and climb a tree like a cat.” “Ught” shuddered the toper. “And you people don't have any storms up here. One of your cyclones wouldn't be a fresh breeze down there. I've scen a blow in Brazil turn an iron kettle inside out. I'd just bought a ticket for a place sixty miles away one evening, when I'll be durned if the wind didn’t pick the little station up and land me right where 1 wanted to go. It was done so quick that the old clock didn’t get through striking seven while we were making the trip. I located a gold mine on top of a hill, and it was full of gold, One night the whole top of that infernal hill blew away, and when 1 found it a lot of Spaniards had jumped the claim,” “ How’s the grocery business?” brusquely asked a man who had come in a minute before, but the South American traveler had vanished as though on the wings of a South American storm. “Runs a little one horse grocery out here at Jumptown,” continued the newcomer. ‘ Never been out of Michigan in his life. Heavyweight champion liar of the world."—Detrott Free Press. Drink HIRES Rootbeer when youre hot; when yowre thirsty ; when callers come. Atany andall times drink HIKES Rootbeer. Matte only bs"The Charles K. Hires Ca.. Philatetphia, A tie. packsge makes! galicas. Sold everyebere, THE ORIGINAL Pepsin Gum CAUTION,—See that the name Beeman is on each Wrapper. The Perfection of Chewing Gum And 5 Delicises Remedy fer M and Gea Sickzess, Or Send Sc. for sample package, Beeman Chemical Co. 23 LakeSt., Clerelacd, 0. inate of P pepsin Ghowing Gum. 1000000000000000000009 _ AMiniature > Vesuvius inside your head You know how that feels Indigestion, Insomnia, Overwork—posaihle causes; Wright's Paragon Headache Remedy the cure, certain as the sunrise. No scientific truth more wonderful than the amount of positive re- lief contained in one small wafer. Down goes the wafer—away goes the headache—ap go your spirita, That's the process. A large box of Paragon Headache Remedy postpaid on receipt of 25 cts. in stampa, or sample free if you willsend youraddress All druggist, Agents Wanted inevery CHAS. WRIGHT & CO., emunty in the U.S. Man'f'g. Chemists, DETROIT, MICH. are weak. ) alte —the food drink. It is as delicious as it is nourishing—-the pure and palatable nutriment of pure malt and hops. Invaluable to all who & Fresh § Gut Grain There’s health in the very scent of it. There’s vitality and a growth in strength and flesh in that great- est of grain products ANHEUSER-BUS Cy, “Ulitne TRADE MARK For sale by all druggists. = Prepared by ANHEUSER-BUSCH BREWING ASS’N, St. Louis, U.S.A. “You can rely on it,” said the Montana man, | \« we believe in a strict enforcement of the letter of the law. In a fight recently one man literally buried bis dirk in his adversary’s hip. , And do you know what they did? Why, the sheriff actually arrested the wounded man and had him fined for carrying concealed weapons." —Boston Courier, Send for handsomely Mlustrated colored booklets and other reading matter. New York Depot, 24 and 27 West St. CWE ON ONL ONL OR