Life — July 23, 1896 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ozodonr TEETH, “BREATH 0,02 0n9; NUBIAN F*Sa. Cotton Dress Linings—For Waist and Skirt, Will Not Crock. _It is positively unchangeable and of superior quality. Nothing else so fully satisfies the highest requirements and yet the cost is moderate enough for any dress. . . . . . All Leading 3 =e Look for this on DRY GOODS WEEE ff EVERY YARD “etm ea) « ¢ oom CCC FUSE Lach of the Selvage. Haviland China. It is important to buyers that they should be informed that the only ware that has always been known as Haviland China is marked under each piece: Nand On White China, On Decorated China, WINDSOR HOTEL Bth Ave, 46th to 47th Sts, N.Y. THE COOLEST HOTEL IN NEW YORK. Unsurpassed in location and perfect in all appoint ments. Free Coach and Baggage to and from Grand Central Depot by giving us notice. Am- erican plan $4.00 per day and upward. European plan St.soper day and upward. | Musle during dinner. The travelling public will find this a delightful, cool, and homelike hotel. WARKEN F. LELAND, Proprietor. CHAMPAGNE. DEUTZ & GELDERMANN, Ay, Prance. Possessing to the fullest extent the fruity and delicate character peculiar to the wines of the famous AY district. Agent C. H. ARNOLD, 278, William 8t., N. Y. City. GOLD LACK TWO DREAMS. She sai “*T dreamed of angels, They filled the heavens blue; Now was there e’er a sweeter dream ?” He said:—" I dreamed of you!” —Detroit Free Press, AN Irish judge tells the following story of one of the juries in the south of Ireland, where he was trying a case. The usher of the court proclaimed, with due solemnity, the usual formula: ‘Gen- tlemen of the jury, take your proper places in the court!” whereupon seven of them, instinctively walked into the dock,—Green Bag. A MINISTER in Columbus says that women have more nerve than men, asa rule. This, he says, is especially the case when it comes to marrying. Some time since he was called to marry a young couple in what might be called the aristocratic circle. The young man was very much excited, but was trying to put on a bold face for the emergency. To show that he was not frightened io the least he concluded to ask the minister if it was customary to kiss the bride. After stuttering for some time he finally broke out; ‘Is cussing kistomary ?" The minister kindly informed him that it was not under the circumstances, and the young man was led to the alter like a lamb.§ —Mansfield Shield, “* Mr. STARR,” said the manager, ‘ you posit- ively must quit letting your mind dwell so much on your wheel.” Eh! Why ?” asked the tragedian. “Perhaps you are not aware of it, but in the third act, where you should have cried, ‘Ye gods, 1am stabbed,',you shouted, ‘I am punctured !'” —Cincinnati Enguirer. ‘THe Irishman when called upon to reason out a problem often makes a short cut towards the answer and therepy proves that “brevity is the soul of wit.” One day as Pat, a water carrier who supplied the little village with water from the river, halted at the top of the bank a man famous for his inquisi- tive mind stopped and asked : “How long have you hauled water for the village, my good man ?”” “Tin years or more, sorr,” was the ready an- swer. Ab, yes! How many loads do you take in a From tin to fifteen, sorr.” “Ah! Now’ I have a problem for you. How much water at that rate have you hauled in all, sir?" Pat promptly jerked the river and replied see there now, sorr. is thumb backward toward “All the wathcr you don’t —Chicago News. Tue late Earl of Portarlington was always for- getting the names of people whom he had met. Once, on recewing a gracious nod from Queen Victoria at a Marlborough House garden party, accompanied by a few words of kindly inquiry after his health, he replied: * You are very kind, madam; your face seems strangely familiar to me, but for the life of me I cannot remember your name."—Argonaut. Dr. J.'s little boy, four years old, had never seen a funeral procession, for they are of rare occurrence in the quiet side street where the doctor lives. Lately, however, one of the doctor's patients died, and their was a burial from the street. As the procession moved along, the little boy came running to his father, and, pointing to the hearse, asked : “0, papa, what is that?” “That, my child,” said the doctor, with a deep sigh, ‘is an erroneous diagnosis !"— Youth's Companion. A MAN who stuttered badly went to consult a specialist about his affliction. The expert asked, “Do you stutter all the time?” N-n-n-no,” replied the sufferer. ‘'I s-s-stut- t-t-t-ter only when I t-t-t-talk."—Harper's Bazar. comicbooks.com