Life — July 2, 1896 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

*> LIFE: 533 A NEW RENDERING. we T HEY never loved, who dream that they loved once!" Ah! Mrs, Browning knew the heart of man— One love-affair proclaims him but a dunce, He loves the best that loves the most he can! By DAISY. Daisy will publish horoscopes in this de- partment only in the order received, Re- . member the conditions, Cut out ail the Pictures from 4,000 copies of Lire and forward them to Daisy, to- gether with a photograph of your brain by Roentgen. Twinkle, twinkle, little star; Daisy tells us what we are. MARK (H-N-A). HIS gentleman was born under a hypnotized solar system, Mars scorching through space, twenty-one aurora borealises vying with each other for position, Reed birds shedding 0 their pin feathers throughout all space, and the tin dipper filled to the brim with ambrosia imported direct from Canton, O. He is fourteen cubits in stature, has an asbestos brain, with a smile that covers both hemispheres, and can easily hold the earth in the palm of one hand. He is the proud possessor of a say-nothing-but-saw- wood temperament, has the tact of a bunco steerer, wears a brass-bound face and knows how to stack the cards at the right moment. He is very simple in his tastes, preferring the toot of a tin horn to the music of a golden trumpet, and he should sleep in asilver throne at night, surrounded by the glad songs of worshiping multitudes, or he might do better work as a sheep-driver in the Desert of Sahara. He is very loyal, preferring friendship to country, and appears eighteen sizes larger than normal when on the crest of a wave. Will shrink as he grows older, being hull down in 1900, Might succeed as a juggler, the proprietor of a freak show, or an elephant trainer. * . * ELLEN (T-R-Y). HIS lady was born under a gilt-edged Libra, in hemstitch with Capricorn, the footlights on Venus working overtime, and the Bloom of Youth three feet deep on the face of the moon. She is fourteen hands high, with open-work features, and a lisle-thread com- plexion almost as good as new; is visible on a clear night with the naked eye, and looks best in a tailor-made tarpaulin, trimmed with glass beads. She has an engaging disposition, a marble heart, and a glad hand, speaks English like a native, and can also walk and play games. She is very unsettled, never staying long in one place, and has great power over others, hypno- tizing them for hours at a time. She should live in America where she can wear diamonds without being noticed, should sit up late every night for the sake of others, and would make a first-class flower girl. EMILE (Z-L-A). HIS gentleman was born under Serpens, with Pegasus stuck in the mud, Venus below par, the heavenly twins strangled, Mars in the ascendant, and the scales on Pisces dropping off with a dull, sickening thud. He is knee-high to an elephant, with woven-wire whiskers, a camel's hair complexion, come-on fea- tures with a sea-weed brain, and Tooks wellina hospital. He has aretined, sensitive organism, stand- ing aloof from himself, and his mind is as pure as the driven snow— in Chicago. He is very ambitious, but his dearest hope will not be realized. He should avoid pen and ink, live a retired life, and would do good work as a hermit in an Indian jungle, or might succeed as a sewer contractor or editor of the New York World. i" ANOTHER AFFRONT. RE not the homeo- paths making a mistake That monu- ment to Hahnemann in Washington will be a splendid thing artistically and an honor to the coun- try, but are the builders wise to thus flaunt their prosperity in faces of their hereditary foes, the ‘‘ Regular” phy- sicians? We have a deep sympathy for the latter. Nothing is more annoying to a good hater than the triumphant prog- ress of those he has once decided to despise and ignore. But the world was ever thus ! Hahnemann was the discoverer of a vital principle that has saved countless lives, but the old school of medicine would undoubtedly have been considerably happier if he had been quictly burned, or at least suppressed. Such fellows as Archimedes, Columbus, Sir Isaac Newton, Hahnemann, Humboldt, and Ben Franklin are sure to make enemies and to stir up trouble. While we are ready to admit that the followers of Hahne- mann save many lives where the old school fails, we must protest against this wilful injury of the ‘ Regulars’” sen- sibilities. Imagine the feelings of George the Third if a statue of Washington had been deliberately erected beneath his royal nose ! ITS ORIGIN. ~ HE: Where was the game of “poker” first intro- duced ? HE: In the Ark, when Noah entered with ‘‘two of a kind.” OMESTIC NOTE: Always put new cakes of soap~ in your guest room. It is a legitimate use of guests to have them rub the sharp corners off of new cakes of French soap. jj aa Land comicbooks.com