Life — May 28, 1896 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

RECIPE FOR THE MODERN NOVEL. Take a selfish and wordly husband, an oppressed and virtuous heroine, an artful and designing siren, and a hero in love with both, Let the first, by her purblind ingenuousness, irritate the husband and inflame the lover. Throw in an unnatural child, half angel, half devil, a general who uses familiar oaths, printed right off, a perspicacious maiden aunt, a very blank and cloistered ‘juvenile lead,” and a rake of approved pattern; sprinkle liberally witn de- scriptions of the heroine's personal beauty, especially insisting in every otner page on her “bowed mouth,” season with the bitterness of the hero's “galled,” “stung” and “maddened” heart; boil on the fiery question of a woman's duty towards a husband witha past, and serve in a pale-green binding, with good print and paper inside.—New Orleans Picayune. ToLsTo1 AND THE POLICEMAN: One day as the Count was passing along a street in Moscow, he saw a gorodovoy (policeman) ill-use a drunken man whom he was taking to the lock-up. Tolstoi, indignantat the barbarity of the gorodovoy, stopped him and said: “Can you read?” “ Have you read the Gospels ? “Then you ought to know that you must not ill-treat your fellow man.” The official took stock of the modest attire of the great novelist, and in- quired in his turn: “Are you a bit of a scholar ?” “Have you read the instructions to policemen ?” “An! Just you read them through, and then we will have some further eh, GOUT? *) SCHERING’S For Sale by Drugglsts. cue PIPE gu LEHN & FINK, Agents, New York. WILL CURE IT. AN eminent Scotch surgeon and professor in the University of Edinburgh was entirely devoted to his profession. A quaint incident in his practice will show this. The poet Tennyson had at one time consulted him about some affection of the lungs, Years afterward he returned on the same errand. On being announced he was nettled to observe that Mr. Syme had neither any recollection of his face, nor, still more galling, acquaintance with his name. Tennyson thereupon mentioned the fact of his former visit. Still Syme failed to remember him. But when the professor put his ear to the poet's chest and heard the peculiar sound which the old ailment had made chronic he at once ex- claimed: ‘Ah, I remember you now! I know you by your lung.”—/itisburg Bulletin, Here is the latest about Mrs. Van Rensselaer Cruger, who is so often the occasion and the author of an epigram, While dining with a foreigner the other day, the talk fell upon Russians in general, and a Russian nobleman who has bren visiting us, in particular. “Oh, those Russians,” exclaimed the fair authoress, who lately made a tour of the Czar's Empire. “Is he as ardent as all the others ?"” “Really, Madame,” replied the foreigner, “I cannot say, but I fancy t he differs in no degree from his compatriots.” “They are such ardent lovers,” rejoined the lady; ‘with them it is either surrender or death.” Whereupon the foreigner bowed low and said: to believe in a resurrection, Madame."— Vanity. “Verily, you persuade nie LittLe Boy: The preacher says there is no marryin’ in heaven. Git: Of course not. There wouldn’t be enough men to Ko North Lacrosse Argus. BURNETT'S KALLISTON, Tux dry, parched feeling of the face, after a day spent on the deck of an ocean steamer, will be refreshed by an appli- cation ot Burnott’s Kalliston. Gravel, Calculus, Lazy Liver, and all Uric Acid Troubles. For sale by all Drugytsts. Joscrn Buancrr Co., Boston, Mass A MATCHLESS SKIN TONIC. SIBYLLIN E. to ASELNE CUCUMBERS latectous of the skin. J. PARK & TILFORD. New-York: D NUBIA CREME SIMON amarvettous stork softent: whitening and perfuming the ote Most efficacious for light! SIMON 36, rue de Provence PARIS: Fast Black SPEEDILY REMOVES Wrinkles, Tan, Sunburn. CURES Eczema, Pimples, Blackheads, and all cetancous diseases, making the skin clear = ‘and soft, Unequalled for Use after Shaving. For Sale by all Druggists, or by mail on receipt of Drice, 0 cents per bottle, —Send for free booklet. — SIBYLLINE CO., 1 Madison Ave., N.Y. Cotton Dress Linings — For Waist and Skirt, Will Not Crock. It is positively unchangeable and of superior quality. Nothing else so fully satisfies the highest requirements and yet the cost is moderate enough for any dress. . . . . Look for this on * EVERY YARD of the Selvage. All Leading DRY GOODS Stores, LUlack Let CO Sas € Beevtsul boot of Rambler detaile tree at Rambler agencies o by mail. GORMULLY & JEFFERY MPG. CO. Chleaga Boston Wi New York