Life — May 21, 1896 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SIGNoRA Yrsitox, a noted Amazon, had abad fall from her horse, resulting ina severe injury to her shoulder. The surgeon, who was speedily summoned, bound up the wound, and when the operation was completed the lady inquired: “Do you think, doctor, the injury will be seen ?” “That, signorag” replied the surgeon, * will rest entirely with you ?"—/ Cartino. Mrs, WILSON, a very prominent lady, tried to get Mrs. Jones's cook away from her, and actually went to Mrs. Jones's house when she was out and offered the cook more money. The next time they met at a big dinner Mrs. Jones didn’t notice her. Some one who sat between them said : rs, Jones, you know Mrs, Wilson, do you not ?”” “No, I believe not,” said Mrs. Jones. ‘ She sometimes calls on my cook, I understand, but we do not exchange those courtesies." —Boston Traveller. Guest: Give me griddle cakes with syrup, some fried chicken, baked potatoes with the coats on and a plate of ice cream. Watrer (calling down tube): Batter at de plate—slide! A hot fowl tip off stuffed gloves and one umpire in de ice box.—New York Press. “WHEN you married me you said you were well off.” “Twas, but I did not know it."— Vanity. ‘THE man who was standing on the ledge of a fourteen-story window and washing the outside of the plate-glass pauscd in his work a moment and looked inside at the pale-faced men sitting at the various desks in the room. ** Poor devils!" he said to himself, ‘Some men will do ‘most anything to make a living !" And he whistled a tune and went on washing the window.—Chicago Tribune, ir, you called me a fraud! : And you, sir, called mea liar! FUMER: It might be a good idea for us to get together and open a seaside boarding-house.—Philadelphia North American. It was during the terrific December gales of a year ago, writes a correspond- that a Yankee schooner, flying sigoals of distress, sailed into thg Bay of raltar, Almost immediately the American vice-consul, with a friend, put off from the Calpe Rowing Club piers, to visit her. As they clambered up the ship's ladder, they were welcomed by the captain, a jully Yankee from Ply- mouth, and by his rather gloomy crew. . “*Captain, are you in trouble? What can I do for you?" asked the vice- consul, at the same time remarking that his friend had that morning arrived from New York on the “* Fuerst Bismarck." “Wal, sir! The Lord knows we've hed our troubles, bein’ fifty-four days out o' London, an’ no nearer New York than this, Two of the lads went over the side in that last blow, an’ our topsails went when them spars did. This pesky cargo o' chalk hes strained her, so she's takin’ in water this minute. ‘Thar's a sight o' things we needs done, an’ we'll be obleeged for your help, o' course, sir, But if this here young man hes just come from New York, he can tell us what we want to know afore we does anything else.” The sailors crowded around their captain and listened intently, as be con- tinued : “What we want to know is, haow did that there Harvard-Yale football game come out in November ?"— Youth's Companion. “IF two cyclists started from City Hall, one, who could ride twenty-five miles an hour, at ro o'clock, and the other, who could ride thirty miles an hour, at 10.30, when would they come together ?” was the question asked the boys’ class by a Brooklyn teacher the other day. ‘There was an oppressive silence before little Johanie, who was near the foot of the class, put up his hand, signifying that he had solved the problem without the aid of slate or pencil. “Well,” said the teacher, expectantly, ‘ where would they meet, Johnnie ?” “* At the first saloon they come to ?” was the demoralizing reply.—New York “Ball=-Bearing Ricycle Shoes fare made to ft and wear. They toch and support the foot at every point. lowest, Corrugated sol secure schiany,terlos—high oF Pratt Fi everywhere. will ey ae Fan, 350: £0 to 8.00, Sold by deaters 4 it rysre dose sot, ie shoos mieraiearaet C.H. FARGO & CO. are. BURNETT'S KALLISTON. Berore starting for the mountains or seashore, be sure that you have a bottle of Burnett's Kalliston for sunburn. For sale by all Druggtats. Josten Bunncrr Co., Boston, Mass, of price, stamped on heel, CHICAGO. 2 y° and rough counters. THEN WHY NOT WEAR THE u will admit that it is quite as indispensable to comfort ‘ that a stocking should fit and be without bunches and percep- tible seams as it is that a Shoe should fit and be without protruding pegs ‘ ‘Flame Cannot Jar Out. | PaacorBxé STOCKINGS ? THEY FIT and there are no bunches or perceptible seams in them. They are the only § stockings constructed in accordance with the shape of the human foot. salgsewmee ens, aaa SHAW STOCKING CO., “SIXSE!- Descriptive Price-List to any applicant. GOUT? aOu Ts SCHERING'S ERAZI sven PIPE nal LEHN & FINK, Agents, New York. RECOMMENDED FOR Gravel, Calculus, Lasy Liver, and all Uric Acid Troubles. WILL CURE IT. The new patent method of attachin; tern tothe wheel makes this an impo: Burns either Kerosene or Naphtha. The Polished Reflect! Combicetion st Lenses ice makes most intense and penetrating light. strictly first-class bicycle, The Only § fentera on the market. The 1896 rior ‘os 4 Price Paty ‘ctiveredt tree or oe your dealer. BRIDGEPORT BRASS CO., BRIDGEPORT, CONN., U.S.A. ie iia gets tty abd hy Lhe vile stars gna brated tamp ever