Life — April 23, 1896 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Yes,” said the Cedar street lawyer, ‘‘there are many funny incidents in the law business, but there is a sad side to some of them, too, which makes me reflect on how small a proportion of all human wrongs and misfortunes we are able to relieve. One day, soon after | began practice, a handsome and fashion- ably dressed woman came into my office. From her looks I judged she was not much over twenty years of age, and I learned afterwards that she had been married only a short time before. She told me that she had been sent by a clergyman who was a friend of mine, and after some hesitation added that she He was general superintendent of a big Northwestern railroad system, and whenever his trains got to running late the clerks in his office always scented trouble. Word was immediately passed around that “the old man" was liable to have another ‘mad fit” if So and So, hauliag No. —, didn’t pull into the end of the division on time, and everybody got out of the way who could When the morning overland train, which pulled out just about the time the superintendent reached his desk, arrived at the end of the first division, it was reported twenty minutes late. He immediately wired the conductor to know the cause, but got no answer. Several divisions were passed over in the same way, each report showing the train losing time, and repeated telegrams as to the cause failed to bring any response from the train conductor. Finally the “old man" could stand it no longer and sent a rush message: ‘* For God's sake, why don't you make time?” This answer came back from the conductor: ‘How in — can I with three car-loads of receivers on board ?"—Cihicage Chronicle. had had trouble with her husband, “1 supposed that my visitor was seeking to be released from Hymen's bonds and asked if there was any evidence on which she could base an action for divorce. She seemed to be horrified at the thought and said : “Oh, no, sir; I don’t want a divorce.’ ‘+ Well, then,’ I said, ‘ probably you can get a separation.’ ated the grounds on which it could be obtained. “+ But I wouldn't have a separation if I could get it,’ said she. “1 was becoming a trifle puzzled, but I hazarded another suggestion. “* Better go up to Judge Blank,’ I said, naming one of the police justices. ‘He will give you a warrant, and you can bring your husband into court and make him contribute a fixed sum per week to your support.’ “*T don’t want him to contribute to my support,’ said the woman, almost crying by this time, ‘I can make more money than he can." This was exasperating, so I said: “Well, madam, you can’t get and don’t want a divorce or a separation, and you don't wish to compel your husband to contribute to your support. You must pardon me if I can fail to see now I can advise you, for I have no idea as to what you do want.’ “Tears welled up in the young woman's eyes, and, clasping her hands, she faltered, plaintively “+ T-[—want him—to—to—love me!" And I enumer- INqurRine Tourist (in an Oklahoma restaurant): That is a novel idea of yours, surely, calling your guests to dinner by firing off one barrel of your shot- gun. But, pardon me, why do you discharge only one barrel ? PROPRIETOR EARLY BirD RESTAURANT : I keep the other bar'l to collect payment for the dinner with.—Marper's Bazar. ‘THe wife of a Cincinnati clergyman traded a barrel of her husband's sermons recently for a new bread pan. Some time afterward, the ragman came around again, and asked if she had any more sermons to sell.“ Why do you want ser- mons?” “Because I did so well with those I got here a year ago. I got sick in the summer and a preacher in the country boarded me and my horse three months for that barrel of sermons, and he has since got a great reputation asa I will give you five cents a pound for all you have got."— preacher up there. New York Sun. New York Tribune, ENRVZANZRZN ZN ZA = STAMPED & {1 THE HALF-HOSE ‘arare « STAMPED | Keep the Name in mind NUBIAN Fast Black Cotton Dress Linings and obtainable direct from the makers, who will send a 4 E WILL NOT CROCK. Lalies and dressmakers everywhere bave proved their character. Positively unchangeable. Not Sectad by pereptration Made {n several qualitice for the finest 1d inexpensive Dresses. went All Dry Goods Stores. Look for this on every yard of the Selvage. Ce (; xchk ND G7) Essence RHINE « Vioters (Name Registered.) THE QUEEN OF PERFUMES If you want a real V iolet. Perfume, be sure you get “Ho, ATH Rhine Violets” It is not a combination other scents, but is abso lutely true to the flower. Cut this advertisement out and show it to your dealer. WOLHENS & KROPFF, New York, U.8.Agee™ > a 4 ON THE TOE Dy P Fit Well, Look: Well, Wear Well They are Jane only half-hose canausictea tn accordunce with THE SHAPE OF THE HUMAN FOOT. $277 Sold by the trade generally. Descriptive Price-List to any applicant, SHAW STOCKING CO., Lowell, Mas CASTES TS AS AS TS TS TS TS TS AS TS TE AS AS TS TE TE AS AS AE AE TS AST CHOLLI SHG ‘Ball-Bearing” Bicycle Shoe “FITS AND FEELS LIKE A GLOVE’ Seamless at sides, Flexible corru- gated soles. Pratt Lace Fasteners. Men's —Ladies'—all sizes—all widths. Black $3.00; Tan$3.g0. Sold by all Shoe es Gnd Sporting Goods dealers This Trade-Mark on Heel If your dealer has none in stock, a pair pill be serit prepaid on receipt of price. Hooklet free. CH. erdicAc Co. (Mfrs.) Gravel, Calculus, Lazy Liver, and all Uric SCHERING'S PIP ERAZ l Acid esr Aci Trestles x. WATER WILL CURE IT. CURE IT. For Sale by Druggists. Paupncer Face. LEHN & FINK, Agents, New York. comicbooks.com