Life — April 9, 1896 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

If was in one of the mountain towns of Eastern Kentucky. I had dropped into a general store in the evening to make a purchase, and was lingering to hear a conversation between three or four men, when one of them arose, winked at me to follow him, and started out just as an old man who was saluted as “Cap'n Jim " entered. “Yo! isa stranger in town, I reckon ?” queried the winker, as we got out. “Yes.” “And nobody's dun told you about Uncle Tom who keeps this stoh ?” “Then I'llexplain. That yere Cap'n Jim has cum to town for powder to shoot squirrels. That yere Uncle Tom keeps it in a keg, and he allus lights a candle to weigh it out in the back room. I've bin a-talkin’ to him fur the last twenty years, but he doan’ believe it.” “Don't believe what ?” “That that ar’ candle and them ar’ powder am jess dead suah to cum together sumtime. Got to do it. Uncle Tom's gittin’ old and trembly, and thar’s got to be a calamitous calamity in that back room.” “And you think it will come off to-night 2” “Mighty likely, sab. I hated to git up and go out afore sumbody had treated, but we ar’ in dooty bound to save our lives, I reckon.” “You didn’t say anything to the others 2” “Twan't no use. They was talkin’ about b'ars, and a b’ar story would keep ‘em thar’ if the house was afire. Besides, they know all about it.” We had walked away about thirty rods while talking, and had just taken seats on the hotel veranda, when there came a terrible rumble—the night was lighted with a great flame—and then the earth seemed to rise up in waves. “It's that yere powder and that yere candle cum together!" shouted my friend as he picked himself up, ‘and now I hope that yere Uncle Tom feels a heap better fur his peartness!”" The store was demolished, and four men killed, while almost every pane of glass in the town was broken. ‘Had to be," said my friend, as we stood among the crowd gazing at the ruins. ‘‘ Yere was trembly Uncle Tom with whiskey in him—thar’ was the taller candle with proper ambishun—yere was the keg of powder jes’ itcnin’ to be tackled. Had tobe. Couldn't git shet of it!"—Detroit Free Press. CoL. Pace, who commanded a Pennsylvania regiment in the Civil War, often used to tell laughingly his first experience in marching the raw men who had enlisted for the War of the Rebellion. He was given command of a com- pany, and, after some preparatory drill, led them down a street in Philadelphia, They marched as well as could be expected for several blocks, when suddenly from the ranks rang out a loud ‘*‘ Halt!" The men wavered, and then came to a full stop. “* Who gave that order ?" thundered the enraged captain. “Potts, sir!” ‘* Potts!” a dozen voices called, and every eye turned on Potts, a stout German, a butcher by trade. ‘*What do you mean, sir, by giving that order ?" demanded the captain. “Well, sir, I've been trying for two blocks to get this company to keep step with me, and they wouldn't do it. So I stopped them to begin all over again.” Capt. Page's anecdote suggests the story of the old Scotchwoman who called on her minister to say that she and her brother John had decided that all the members of the Scottish kirk believed false doctrine and would be lost, and that John and she would in future worship at home by themselves. “Lam very glad,” said the minister dryly, that there are two of you who are right and will be saved.” “ Aweel, I'm no sayin’!” said Jean, shaking her head. ‘‘ Times I hae ma doots o' John."— Youth's Companion. 7 hs LECMOMS There is “Economy Senp por Descairtive Price-List. RNAS ISAS ASIST ASST SYST ATS IST ASIST STL BCT, In wearing the SHAWKNIT FL{ALF-HOSE, for they are the MOST DURABLE as well as the best-fitting. Testimonials to the effect that they are the best, and CHEAPEST IN THE END are received every day from all classes of wearers. None genuine unless stamped Qffaw?E7xe3~ on the toe. Suaw Stockine Co., Lowell, Mass, eacccces Keep the Name in mind NUBIAN Fast Black Cotton Dress Linings WILL NOT CROCK. radi ties, and drecamakere everrebere hav orored Mocedb pervpiretion. Blas fa ever soveral rraaltien and inexpensivi COEDS 27> Ricycle Shoe Many Styles—Men’s—Ladies'—High or Low-Cut. Corrugated Soles. Pratt Lace Fasteners. No tying—no untying. Prices— Black, $3.00; Tan, $3.50: Ladies’ Covert Cloth Knee Boot, $6.00. Ask your dealer for “Ball-Bearing” Shoes. It he hase’ them, shoes will be sent, express paid, on receipt of price. os that "Ball-Bearing” is stamped on heel. Booklet Free! C. H.FARGO & CO. (Makers), CHICAGO Trade-Mark on Heel. ‘At All Dry Goods Stores. Look for this on every yard of the Selvage. Vooeoew Seececeooosocooooccs e XD Essence RHINE « Yiouers (Fame Registered.) THE QUEEN OP PERFUMES For Sale by Druggists. Pampniey Face. LEHN & FINK, Agents, New York. GOUT? PIPE SRAZI Gravel, Calculus, Lazy Liver, and all Uric WATER wit core rr. IT. If you want a real Violet Perfume, be sure you get J “Ho. 4TIl Rhine Violets It is not a combination of other scents, but is abso- lntely true to the flower. Cut this advertisement out and show it to your Acid Troubles. eres he