Life — April 2, 1896 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN EASTER MORNING SURPRISE. “WELL, By GUM! I'D LIKE TO SE: THE RABBIT THAT LAID THAT EO! By DAISY. Ni Daisy will publish horoscopes in this de- . __—>_ partment only in the order received. Re- smember the conditions. Cut out all the pictures from 4,000 copies pf LIFE and forward them to Datsy, to- gether with a photograph of your brain by Roentgen. Twinkie twinkle, little star; Daisy telis us what we are. CHAUNCEY (D-P-W). Tis gentleman was born under Pisces, in-trine with Aquarius, in total collapse with Cancer, a deathly pallor on the face of the moon, the lines crossed on Libra and the rest of the planets arrayed in iron ear muffs. He is short and singularly beautiful, with long primer features, a bour- geois expression, Roman nose and an italic brain. He is the proud possessor of a tender, loving nature, is likely to be misunderstood, and is revered by all who do not know him. Has little imagination, but an unusual memory, which serves the same purpose. He shrinks from publicity, and his whole life is spent in constant fear that be will get his name in the newspapers He has a happy faculty of always saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, has a natural inborn love for antiquities, and would do good work in the Smithsonian Institute. Will find his most agreeable companions among the deaf and dumb. Should stay’in at night beware of traveling on railroads and avoid foud. Will succeed best as a coachman or waiter in the Waldorf. ORIGIN OF THE GOTHIC ARCH, LITTLE WILLIE (IMPERIAL GERMAN). HIS young man was born under a hope- less Mars, with the band on Jupiter playinga funeral march, the sun frozen, twenty-one blizzards on Mercury, and the rest of the planets groveling in the dust. Although but three weeks old, he weighs eighteen pounds, has three teeth and feeds himself. Has a very powerful imagination, enabling him even to conceive of others, and in a short time will become the possessor of great wealth, owning heaven and earth, the dry land and waters therein, all of the stars, with a guaranteed first mortgage on upper Hades. He is the pos- sessor of a McKinley modesty, treating kings and queens with the same deference that he accords to all, and would do good work asa railroad ticket agent or a society reporter. Should avoid people, wear Uitlander pajamas, a steel gag and sleep ina balloon. Succeed as a supreme being. rs ‘i é VICTORIA (W-T-T-N). THis lady was born under Leo, with that sign in the ascendant, Gemini and Pisces tied for second place, fourteen alarms of fire on Aquarius, and the standing army of Mars drinking chloroform out of tin buckets. She is tall and swanlike, wears a Hohenzollern bang,hasa reversible profile that looks well either way and is out of sight in a London fog. She is very intelligent, speak- ing words of two syllables with great ease, and is noted for her great generosity,spending money like water in the desert of Sahara. Is likely to meet with injury if traveling in cabs, and should seek the seclusion afforded by the tops of omnibuses when out-o'-doors. Is deficient in manner, and would do well to read books of etiquette and should use a ready letter writer when corresponding. Should seek the society of adults, ride aGladstone wheel and wear Venezuelan bloomers. Will succeed best as a houseworker, or might take in washing by the week. KEEPING THEM OFF. “T SHOULD think the tourists coming to this place would destroy this lovely park of yours,” said the Northerner to the Floridian. ‘* Well, they used to pick the oleanders and steal my cocoanuts, but 1 put up that sign over there and since that time they've re- spected my rights.” The Northerner walked over tothe sign and read as follows | PLEASE DO NOT IRRITATE THE RATTLESNAKES, HE new woman doesn’t want to forget that the apparel oft proclaims the man. comicbooks.com