Life — April 2, 1896 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

T SIQSORS AT Waly “WILLIE, where are those apples gone that were in the storeroom ?”” “They are with the gingerbread that was in the cupboard."— Exchange, ‘‘Don'T you bother your head about fame, Pat. It rarely comes to any of us till after we are dead.” “*Faix, an’ o'im willin’ to shtay here and wait for '— Yonkers (N. Y.) Gazette. “My pocket’s been picked,” cried the bearded woman, “and I know who did it. The armless wonder has been sitting right alongside of me all the morn- ing !"—Harper's Bazar. “By Jove, I'm in hard luck!” “How so?" “Why, here’s a money order I've just got for $20, and the only man in town that can identify me to the money-order clerk is one that I owe $30 to."—Somerville Journal. A TURKISH physician once called in to attend an upholsterer very ill with typhus fever gave him up for lost, but passing the house next day found him still alive and on themend. On inquiry, he found that the patient, in his consuming thirst, had swallowed a pail- ful of the juice of pickled cabbage. Called in subse- quently to attend a dealer in embroidered handkerchiefs ill of the same disease, he prescribed at once the juice of pickled cabbage. ‘The next day the man was dead, whereupon the doc- tor entered in his notebook the following memorandum : “While pickled cabbage juice is a very efficient remedy in cases of typhus, it is not to be used unless the patient be, by profession, an upholsterer."—Pittsburg Dispatch. It having been the custom in a certain establish- ment in the North to pay the workers fortnightly, and the workmen having found the custom somewhat incon- venient, it was decided to send a delegate to the head of the firm to state their grievance. An Irishman, named Dan D—, famed for his sagacity and persuasive powers, was selected forthe task. He duly waited on the master, who addressed him thus: “* Well, Daniel, what can we do for you this morn- ing?” “Tf ye plase, sur, I've been sint as a diligate by the workers to ask a favor of ye regardin’ the paymint of our wages.” “Yes; and what do they desire ?" queried the master. “Well, sur, it is the desire of mesilf, and it is also the desire of ivery man in the establishment, that we receive our fortnight's pay every week."—7it-Bits, “*THomas, Isaw you laugh just now. What were you laughing about ?" “*T was just thinkin’ about something.” “You have no business thinking during school hours. Don't let it occur again.”—London Answers. HARPER & BROTHERS, NEW YORK, TRE BICYCLERS, and Three Other Farces, By John Kendrick Bangs. The Second Opportunity of Mr. Staplehurst. Pett Ridge. Tommy Toddles. By Albert Lee. A Souvenir of ‘'Trilby.” LAMSON, WOLFFE & CO., BOSTON AND NEW york, Earth's Enigmas, By Charles G. D. Roberts. Magda. By Hermann Sudermann. The Gold Fish of Grand Chimu. Lummis. By W. By Charles F. COPELAND & DAY, BOSTON, The Rhythm of Life, and Other Essays, Meynell. Hills of Song. By Clinton Scollard. The New Virtue, By Mrs. Oscar Berringer York: Edwin Aroid. The Rule of the Turk. By Frederick D. Greene, A New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons. Doctor Congalton's Legacy, By Henry Johns ork! Chasie Scribner Sons y HeDty Johnson. New eh wes Palaccerystic Sea, Porter lure o) siby? Fletcher, Philadelphia’ 1. BLippincon Cot By Alice » New By A.S. Morton. St By Adeline Sargent. Some years ago a lawyer at Chillicothe, Mo., a son of the Emerald Isle with the wit characteristic of his cout- try, received a collection from Iowa against a maa who had been dead for some time. He returned the collec. tion with the following advice : “«__, is dead and in h—l, and as Iowa is nearer that place than Missouri you had better bring suit is lowa.""—Green Bag. Evnoresx AGExrs—Mesara Brentano, $7 Avenue de Opera, Mayeace, and Switzerland. Brisk exercise, a good quick rub, An Ivory-Soap-and-water scrub, With nerves restrung and muscles tense The woman ’s new in every sense. want a sure relief for pains in the back, side, chest, or Allcock’s Porous Plaster BEAR IN MIND—Not one of the host of counterfeits and imis tations is as good as the genuine. BURNETT'S KALLISTON, Any irritation of the skin is soothed by an application of Kalliston. Relieves sunburn. For sate by all Druggists. Jostrn BURNETT Co., Boston, Mass. WE PAY POST. by the Penn Mutvat Lirg, ACE. All you have guessed about lite insurance may be wrong. If you wish to know the truth, send for “ How and Why,” is- '921-3-5 Chestnut Street, Phila- delphia. Silk, Wool and Merino Underwear. Gloves for Walking and Driving. Shirts Ready-made and To Order. Bicycle and Golf Hose, Sweaters, Leggings, Ladies’ Sweaters, Plain and Fancy. Bicycle Suits, Bicycle Corsets, Shirt Waists, Tam-O’Shanter Caps, Broadway and 11th Street, Twenty-Third Street, New York. we | Men's Farnishings. Hosiery in all Grades. Silk Mafflers. Cloth and Cotton Outing Suits, Blazers, Belts, Ties, Gauntlet Gloves, Golf Capes TT ALLALIA LALLA LALLA LIAL ALLEL ALLA LL ALLL comicbooks.com