Life — March 19, 1896 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Tuy came on atrain from the North the other day and headed up Jefferson avenue, holding each other by the hand. They had left the depot only two blocks behind when they came to a man sitting on a box in front of the store, and as he caught sight of them a grin crept over his face like molasses spreading out on a shingle. ‘ “Grinnin’ at us, I suppose ?” queried the young man as he came to a halt. “Yes,” frankly replied the sitter. ** Tickles you most to death to see us take hold of hands, don’t it 2” “It does.” “And you imagine you can see us feeding each other caramels, can't you ?" “Lean.” “And you shake all over at the way we gawk around and keep our mouths open 2" “That's me.” “Well, this is me! I'm not purty, and I haven't been cultivated between the rows, nor hilled up, nor fertilized. I hain’t what you call stall fed, and the girl ain't no prize chromo, but it won't take over a minit to jam you seven feet in the ground! I told Lucy I was going to begin on the first man who looked cross-eyed at us, and you are the chap. Prepare yourself to be pulverized !" “Beg pardon, I didn't mean—” “Yes, you did! Lucy, hold my hat while I mop the walk with him !" ‘ Say—hold on—say—" He took up the middle of the street like a runaway horse, and the young man took after him, but it was no use. After a race of a block the man gained so fast that the other stopped and went back to the girl and his hat. Stretching forth his hand to the innocent maiden, he remarked “Lucy, clasp on to that, and if you let go for the next two hours I'll never call you by the sacred name of wife !"—Philadelphia Times. Tuis story is told of Mr. Joseph Jefferson: A number of years ago he played a one-night engagement in a small Indiana town, appearing in his favorite part. The hotel at which he staid was infested by an Irishman “recently landed,” who acted as porter and general assistant. Judged by the deep and serious interest which he took in the house, he might have been clerk, lessee, and proprietor rolled into one. At about six o'clock in the morning Mr. Jefferson was startled by a violent thumping on his door. When he struggled into consciousness, and realized that he had left no call at the office, he was naturally indignant. But his sleep was spoiled for that morning, so he arose, and soon after appeared before the clerk “See here,” he demanded of this individual, “why was I called at this unearthly hour ?” “I don't know, sir,” answered the clerk. “I'll ask Mike.” ‘The Irishman was accordingly summoned. Said the clerk : “Mike, there was no call for Mr. Jefferson. Why did you disturb him ? Taking the clerk by the lapel of the coat, the Hibernian led him to one side, and said, in a mysterious whisper: ‘* He were shnoring loike a horse, sor; and oi'd heerd the b'ys saying something about how he were once afther shlaping for twinty years, so oi says to meself, * Moike, it’s a-cooming onto ‘im agaia, and it’s yer juty to get the crayther out o' yer house instantly."""—Hurfer's Magazine. AN eminent clergyman sat in his study, busily engaged in preparing bis Sunday sermon, when his little boy toddled into the room, and holding up his pinched finger, said, with an expression of suffering, " Look, pa, how Thurt it.” ‘The father, interrupted in the middle of a sentence, glanced hastily at him, and with the slightest tone of impatience, said, ‘I can’t help it, sonny.” The little fellow’s eyes grew bigger, and as he turned to go out, he said in a low voice, “Yes, you could ; you might have said ‘Oh !'"—Current Literature. A poor widow, not having bedclothes to shelter her boy from the snow which blew through the cracks of her hovel, used to cover him with boards. “ Mother," said the boy, “ what do poor folks do this cold weather who have no boards to put upon their children 2"—Current Literatur’. ICYGLES. Oo v ee If not, why not? No other wheels in the world stand so high in the estimation of Co cyclists, because INDIANA Bigs. ‘YOU RIDE ONES faverleys are built on honest Value lines, and the purchaser re- ceives full value for the investment. SEND TEN CENTS IN STAMPS OUR NEW CARD COUNTE! LOUISE & CO. ANNOUNCE THEIR Easter Display OF NOVELTIES IN IMPORTED Parisian Millinery, Tuesday, 24th March, and Following Days. 294 FIFTH AVENUE. TAS A PAIR OF A better Cocktail at home than is servea over any bar in the World. HE CLUB = I gaat LS MANHATTAN, MARTINI, WHISKEY, HOLLAND GIN, TOM GIN, VERMOUTH and YORE. 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