Life — March 12, 1896 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE Mrs. A: I'm surprised that your husband earns so little if he works as hard as you say. What does hedo? Mrs. B: The last thing he did was to calculate how many times a clock ticked in the course of a thousand years.—Philadelphia Inguirer. “* How is your daughter getting on with the piano, Numson ?” “ First-rate. She can play with both hands now. She says she will be able to play with her ear in six months."—Household Words. Cuicaco is determined to have a finer library building than Boston, even if it has to hire persons to sit in the rooms and do the reading.—New York Evening Sun, Tue head of a department was invited to dinner by his minister. Sitting between a door and window, the worthy man had several fits of sneezing. The minister, by way of showing his sympathy, stepped up to him and said: “You seem to have a cold, monsieur ?” Our head clerk became confused, and stammered forth : “*T have that honor, monsieur le ministre."—L'Echo de Parts, Atadinner-party the other night a handsome young physician had been particularly bright and enter- taining. As the ladies left the table, cigars were passed and accepted by all of the gentlemen but the doctor. ‘The host looked at him in astonishment. “What, not smoke ?” said he; “why, my dear fellow, you lose half your dinner.” “Yes, [know Ido,” | replied the doctor ; but if I should smoke, I would lose the whole of it."—Argonaut. A YOUNG man had just bought an overcoat, a handsome, stylish garment. That evening it rained heavily. He was going out, and did not relish the thought of getting his new coat soaked, On the hat-rack in the front hall hung a mackintosh belonging to his brother, and as the young man’s eye fell upon it he said to himself : “Just the thing! John won't be going out, and I’ll save my new coat as much damage as it would get in three weeks’ wearing.” He slipped on the mackintosh, went out, and, on his return, found his brother in their room. ay, old man,” said the borrower, ‘1 ased your mackintosh to-night.” at was all right,” said the brother, "I got along very well without it.” “You haven't been out this evening, have you 2” “Then what did you wear?" “Your new overcoat."—Memphis Commercial-Appeal. The Ypsilanti Trade Mark is stamped on every garment, ‘Tho perfection of health pro-W CONCENTRATED tective underwear. It fits so oLETTES AR wid On: Giolets) ov GE well youonly know you have PERFUMES it on, because you are #0 com- L. ae triamin) 44, place de la Madeleine. PARIS ticlane. Send for Catalogue SSN EEE and our new book entitled “Modern Underwear and How to Wear It.” Free. HAY & TODD MFG. CO., awarded at the Paris - ¥psitanci, Mich, HYOIEMIO, ADMCRENT £ INVISOLE. TOILET POWDER — CEX. FAW, Inventor 9, Rue de ta Palx, Paris.— Caution. None Cenuine but those bearing the word “FRANCE” and the sicnatare Cif. FAY. Fated INSTANTANEOUS CHOCOLATE. LIFE BINDER. in a foe CHEAP, STRONG, DURABLE. 100. ses te ere re Mailed to any part of the United States for $1.00, Y ») pe ROUSE, HAZARDEE Address Office of ‘‘LIFE,”” 19 West Thirty-first St., New York. Makers, 199 O Bt, PEORIA. TLL. WILL HOLD 26 NUMBERS. Berong, "Hihert, A