Life — March 12, 1896 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> Englishmen visiting the United States have as many absurd and amusing experiences as Americans have when in foreigncountries, The English traveler who had been assured that west of the Missouri River the entire country was infested with bears, some of which were so bold that they came into the towns. He stopped in a Kansas village, and in the evening started out for a walk. ‘The stores were closed, but the moon was shining brightly. He rambled about the place for a couple of hours and started down the business street for the hotel. Suddenly he saw before him on the sidewalk a big bear, sitting on its haunches, with open mouth and paws extended, awaiting his coming. In a moment he was on top of a porch, crying for help, but no one heard him, and the bear sat and watched him. All night long he stayed there, trembling for fear bruin would climb the post, but comforting himself with the idea that it was too small to be used by a bear. At daybreak some men came along, and one of them wheeled the bear back to the doorway with the remark, ‘I wonder who put that sign in the middle of the walk."—Washington Star. A NoTED duelist was introduced to Col. A. Notep Duetist: Happy to make your acquaintance, sir. A moment later, being very much puzzled, he says to himself : “By Jove, didn’t I kill that fellow somewhere in a duel ?"—Texas Siftings. A GENTLEMAN once saw a boy peeling the bark from one ot his choice trees witha hatchet. The gentleman tried to catch the boy, but the latter was too quick for him, so the former changed his tactics. “Come here, my little son,” he said, in a soft, flute-like voice with counter- feited friendliness ; ‘come here to me a minute. I want to tell you something.”” “Not yet," replied the recipient, "little boys like me don’t need to know everything.”"—TJexas Si/tings. “WELL,” said Bill Yuss, “I've taken a powder for my headache, a pellet for my liver, and a capsule for my gouty foot. Now what puzzles me is, how do the things know the right place to go to after they get inside ?"—American. Josern Hattos, who accompanied Sir Henry Irving on one of his early tours through the United States, tells an anecdote of a certain judge who relieved the monotony of his court with a quiet though telling observation. “And, gentlemen of the jury,” said a certain flowery advocate, pleading before his honor, ‘as I stand at this bar to-day in behalf of a prisoner whose health is such that he may at any moment be called before a greater Judge than the judge of this court, I” His honor rapped sharply on his desk. Counsel stopped suddenly, and looked up with an interrogation in his protesting face. “ The advocate,” said the court, with great dignity, ‘ will please confine himself to the case before the jury, and not permit himself to make invidious compari. sons."—Washington Post. SOME years ago a man wastried in Nantucket for petty larceny, and sentenced by the judge to three months in jail. A few days after the trial the judge, ac companied by the sheriff, was on his way to the Boston boat, when they passed a man who was busily sawing wood, The sawyer stopped his work, touched his hat politely, and said: ‘ Good morning, judge.” The judge looked at him earnestly a moment, passed on a little way, and then turned to glance backward, saying to the sheriff “* Why, isn’t that the man I sentenced three months to jail the other day?" “Yes,” replied the sheriff, with some hesitation; ‘yes, that is the maa. But you—why, you see, judge—we—we don't happen to have anybody else io jail just now, and we thought ‘twould be a sort of useless expense for us to hire somebody to keep the jail for three months just for this one man, so I gave him the jail key, and told him if he'd sleep there nights, I guessed it would be all right."—Pittsburgh Bulletin. THE ONLY FAULT found with the “Shawknit Half-Hose 18 FOUND BY THE DEALER THAT SAYS “THEY WEAR TOO LONG.” THEIR UNEQUALLED DURABILITY IS NOT DUE TO GOOD MATERIAL AND WORKMAN- SHIP ONLY, BUT ALSO TO PERFECTION OF FIT. tay None genuine unless stamped on the toe, SHAW STOCKING CO., Lowett, Mass, Send for Descriptive Price-List. If not, why not? No other wheels in the World stand so high in tho estimation of cyclists, because Waverleys are built on honest value lines, and the purchaser re- celves full value for the investment. SEND TEN CENTS IN STAMPS FOR A PAIR OF OUR NEW CARD COUNTERS. RE COMMENOED Gravel, Calculus, Lazy Liver, and all Uric Acid Troubles. WILL CURE IT. | GOUT? PIPE E WATER LEHN & FINK, Agents, New IP Seccccccccocccocooocccoccs Se eeeoee Keep the Name in mind NUBIAN Fast Black Cotton Dress Linings WILL NOT CROCK. Ladies and dreesmakers everrwhere have proved Sheir high Positively unchangeable. perspiration Mado in several qualities ‘2 the fest Gowns and inexpensive Dresses. At All Dry Goods Stores. Look for this on every yard of the Selvage. Hl ack (uclan Suse XD Essoncs RHINE « VioLets (Name Registered.) THE QUEEN OF PERFUMES If you want a real Viole Perfume, be sure you ge “Ho, 4711 Rhine Violets” It is not a combination & other scents, but is abs lutely true to the flower: Cut this advertisemest out and show it to yout dealer. MOLHENS & KROPFY, New York, U.S. {0}