Life — February 27, 1896 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE: “ Mamata, teacher whipped a boy to-day for whispering in school.” “Well, that was right.” “ But, mamma, he hollered ten times as loud as he whispered. Record. "Chicago Sue: What do you mean, sir, by kissing me ?- What do you mean ? Hej: Er—nothing. Sue: Then don't you do it again, I don’t want any man kissing me unless he means business.—/ndianapolis Journal. FLORA: Chollie told me last night that he believed I could break a man’s heart with my smile. Laura: Chollie was just talking. cinnati Enquirer, A man's heart is not like a mirror.—Cin- W. C. Coup, the circus man, has had many remarkable experiences, and a reporter asked him if the dreaded cry of “ Hey, Rube!" had ever sounded in his tent. “No,” said he, “but it came near it once in a small Kansas town, when, for- tunately, there were no newspapers to spread the affair publicly. I had among the attractions of the show a man-eating ape, the largest ever in captivity. He was chained to the dead trunk of a tree and looked very ferocious. “Early in the day I speak of a countryman handed him a piece of tobacco, which the ape chewed with great pleasure. The word was passed around that the ape would chew tobacco, and several gave him plugs. Finally one gave him a piece that was filled with cayenne pepper. The ape bit it, then, smarting with indignation, snapped the fastening of his chain and yelled, ‘Let me at ‘im, the murtherin’ ijit. Oi’ll hev the loife av him or me name ain't Mahoney.’ Then be started through the crowd with a handspike ready to strike, but the culprit escaped. I docked the ape a week's salary, and it was the last time I had any trouble with him."—Pésladelphia Times. In his book, ‘A Little Tour in America,” Dean Hole of Rochester, Eng. land, quotes with unction many specimens of what he regards as typical Amer. ican humor, When he was in Cincinnati the thing that most impressed him was the following bit of doggerel which he heard recited in that city : “* Little Willie from his mirror Sucked the mercury all off, Thinking, in his childish error, It would cure his whooping cough. At the funeral Willie's mother Smartly said to Mrs. Brown: “*"Twas a chilly day for William When the mercury went down, —New Orleans Times-Democrat, RICHARD HARDING Davis is not an ardent admirer of Henry Irving asd Miss Terry. When one recalls his quarrel with Edward W. Townsend over the “Major Max" article, it is not surprising that he should not like Miss Terry, for on meeting him, she told him how glad she was to know him, how much she had enjoyed his work in the past, and how much she anticipated reading his last book, “Chimmie Fadden,” which was so well spoken of. Mr. Irving also made a sad mistake when Davis, at adinner given to Mr. Irving, was honored by sitting next tohim, Davis had arrayed himself with rows of orders and medals pie sented to him by the Sultan and the President of Bolivia and various other dig- nitaries. ‘These orders Mr. Davis would no more travel without than he would without his tooth-brush. It was with the greatest satisfaction, therefore, that he saw they attracted the attention of Mr. Irving, and all the guests noticed that the actor raised his eye-glass and scanned them closely, and, alas, for Mr. Davis! all the guests heard Mr. Irving remark: ‘How interesting. I always like to see college badges !"— Vanity. **LA DELICATESSE” COMPANY. Herkimer, N. Y., offers an “S. & F.” $100 Wheel to the person who shall make the greatest number of words from ‘ DELICATESSE.” Stamp for particulars. ROR ARAN ANANANANANANANAN Sans ANAANANAIANANANANANY ANAAANANANANANANAAANATZ| THE LEADER OF BICYCLES IN PROGRESSIVE MECHANI- CAL CONSTRUCTION. THE 96 MODELS ECLIPSE LIS WME) ALLFORMER EFFORTS. ELI Ow: FELLOW SEND FOR BEAUTIFUL CATALOGUE La, Get E-C-STEARNS AND CO. ISYRAGUSE N‘Y: BYAULLEADING PHYSICIANS. a ‘A VALUABLE SUBSTITUTE RS, SOLID Fop0. awarded at the Paris Exhibition a5 VELOU HYGIENIC, ADHCRENT einvisise, Oo! POWDER — CEX. FAW, Inventor 9, Rue de ta Patx, Paris.—Cantion. None Cenuine bot those bearing the word “FRANCE” and the signature Ci. FAY, LIFE BINDER CHEAP, STRONG, WILL HOLD 26 NUMBERS. Mailed to any part of the United States for $1.00, Address Office of ««LIFE,’’ 19 West Thirty-first Street, New York. DURABLE. There's not much for me to live for; 1 don't suppose I have a friend in all the world. THe Rev. CHERRYBLE: Not much to live for? Nonsense, If you have no friend, you have 20 body to borrow money of you; nobody to call whe? you are in the middle of an interesting book: nobody to tell stories about you to other people; nobody, in short, to bore you before your face to abuse you behind your back. And yet you SJ you have nothing to live for !—7%# Bits. Tommy: Papa, there is a large black bug on the ceiling. PRoressor (very busy): Step on it and lear me alone.—Fiiegende Blatter,