Life — February 6, 1896 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘LIFE: AT A LOTTERY AGENT’S.—“ Can you let me have ticket No. 55?” “Why do you want that number in preference to any other ?” “My uncle appeared to me in a dream with the figure 5 on each of his cheeks.” The agent, after running his eye over all the tickets he had left, said : “Had he his mouth open at the time 2” “Yes, wide open.” “Ah! here is the very thing.” And he handed his customer a ticket with the number s0s.—/ournal Amusant, A VESSEL being ready for sailing, the captain ordered a new hand to take a boat to shore and buy ten shillings’ worth of vegetables. Not being certain of the meaning of the word, the man appealed to the first individual he met, ‘I say, mate, what might vegetables be ?"" “Vegetables ?” the stranger replied. instance." “That'll do,” said Jack. Having got his sack filled with peas, he pulled back to the ship, and when alongside the captain called eut: ‘ Have you got those vegetables ?” Yes, sir.” ** All right,” said the captain, ‘Then hand them up one by one.” “ By gad," said Jack, scratching his head, ‘I have got a job now and no mistake.""—London Telegraph. “Why, peas are vegetables, for THE following new story comes from the West: Mr. L., a good natured German, was the proprietor of a considerable clothing business in a country town, He had in his employ one John S., whom he had advanced from cashboy to head clerk and who had been for many years an attache of the store. Since ay as Have IGYGL his promotion, John had several times asked for a raise in his salary, and each time his request had been granted. One morning John again appeared at the old merchant's desk with another request for an increase of $ro per month. “Vy, Shon,” said Mr. L., ‘I dink I bays you pooty vell alreaty. Vot for 1 bays you any more?” “Well,” replied John, confidently, ‘I am your principal help here. I have worked you up toa large trade. 1 know every detail of the business, and indeed I think you could not get along without me.” “Is that so ?" exclaimed the German.‘ Mein Gott! subbose you vas to die ?” “Well,” hesitated John, ‘I suppose you would have to get along without me.” The ‘old man" took several whiffs from his big pipe and said nothing. At last he gravely remarked: “Vell, Shon, I guess you petter gonsider yourself dead."—Business Journal, Shon, vot vould I do THE Boston two-year-old was crying. * Not in the boisterous, crude, uncultivated style of the barbarian youngster of other localities, but after the restrained and comparatively decorous manner in which the thoughtful infant of New England's intellectual metropolis aban- dons itself to grief. “*Waldonia,” said the nurse, ‘think of the impropriety of this! Remember you are not in the solitude of your own apartments, but out in the open air. Reflect that to some extent the eyes of the world are upon you and endeavor to restrain your feelings.” Regardless of this eminently proper and seasonable reproof, the infantile Bostonian still wept. ‘The faithful attendant, losing all patience, stopped wheeling the perambu- lator, stepped around to the front of the vehicle and shook her long finger at its occupant, “You bad child!" she exclaimed, ‘I'll punish you for this! I'll never take you to another lecture as long as I live !"—Chicago Tribune. “Is it true,” an interviewer inquired of Mrs. Stanley, “that you are writing a book “True enough." “And what is the title " “How I Found Stanley. "La Epoca. AwvECLicquor a World- Rose cpus = tation. Got Lape ert” LAB, BRUT “SEC ARE THE CHOICE OF EXPERIENCED RIDERS, ‘Those who have learned to know the difference between a wheel that actually fs high grade, and one that is simply claimed to be. Others may be good, but the Waverley is the Highest of all High Grades. ‘of a new Waverley Scorcher {s offered to each person who recovers a stolen ‘6 Waverley during 1896, payable upon presentation to us of satisfactory proof of the facta and the sentence of the thief, ‘This reward is open to every One excepting the owner of stolen wheel, but is not payable to more than one person in any case ine eh CATALOGUE FREE BY MAIL NDIANA BICYCLE CO., INDIANAPOLIS, IND HE CLUB ~ COCKTAILS | MANHATTAN, MARTINI, WHISKEY, HOLLAND GIN, TOM GIN, VERMOUTH and YORK, We guarantee these Cocktails to be made of absolutely pure and well matured liquors and the mixing equal to the best cocktails served over any bar in the world. Being compounded in accurate proportions, they will always be found of uniform quality. Connotsseurs agree that of two cocktails made of the same material and propor- tions, the one which is aged must be better. ‘Try our YORK Cocktail—made without tn and del ining ‘and Buffet Cares ining ani of the principal railroads of the U. 8, AVOID IMITATIONS. For Sale by all Druggists and Dealers, F, HEUBLEIN & BRO., Sole Props., 69 Broadway, N. Y.. Hartford, Gonn. 20 Piccadilly, W. London, Eng. N the most exclusive set in Thompson street society, among the Washingtons and Adamses, Jeffersons and Clayburns, amateur theatricals are very much in vogue this winter. The other evening a perform- | ance of ‘* Othello ” was given at the residence of Mrs. T. Jefferson Washington, 99% Thompson street. A cotillon was to follow the play, and Mrs. Washington's invitations were acknowledged with few regrets. The hostess received her guests in the white and gold drawing-room, at the west end of which a stage had been erected. At 9.30 the cur- tain rose. The rdles of Desdemona and Othello were taken respectively by Miss Ariadne Jones and Mr. Quincy Adams Johnson. The rest of the cast was equally clever. Everything went well until the second act. Desdemona and Othello were having a little tiff, when suddenly O¢hel/o had occasion to sneeze. Turning impatiently to Desdemona, he cried: “‘Desthdemona, Desthdemona, whar am | my pocket han’kachief ?” Desdemona thought for a moment, and then with a sweet smile she said : “Sah, it am in de wash —New York Sun.