Life — January 23, 1896 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AMONG others entering the elevator at a well-known Fourteenth street dry goods establishment was a stout, determined looking Irish lady, She was car- ried up and down the elevator several trips, but evinced no disposition to get out at any particular department. The man in charge finally said : ‘*Madame, where do you wish to be landed ?" ** Lave me as near the Grand Central daypo as ye can," came the paralyzing response. She was left.— Texas Si/tings. THE late Dr. W. B, Robertson, of Irvine, was once addressing a boys’ meeting, and having delighted them with some of his racy anecdotes, he began to draw toa close by saying : ‘Now I'm going to point out the moral of all this." “* Never mind the moral,” shouted a little fellow from the middle of the hall; ‘gies anither story."—Argonaut. Tue spark of genius shows itself early in life, and my friend in Woburn has alittle girl just beginning her career at school who already exhibits sublime flights of intellect. One blustering, lowering day last week the teacher asked the school children to write their impressions of the weather. The little tots struggled for some time with their imaginations, and in many'cases the result was nil. But not so with my friend's little daughter. She sat near the window and watched the falling leaves dashed hither and thither by the fickle autumnal breezes. Then she was seen to write something upon her slate, and when the teacher approached, the child triumphantly exhibited this brief but wise com- position : “The world is full of wind."—Boston Globe. “We have the enemy on the run,” said the Spanish general to his chief of staff. “We have, general, but —" The officer gazed anxiously at the oncoming insurgents. I'm very much afraid they will catch up with us."—New York Sun, A MINISTER forgot to announce the social events for the coming week one Sunday morning, as was his wont. As he was about to pronounce his final blessing one of the deacons called his attention to the fact. No better oppor- tunity arising, he stopped praying and said, “ My brethren, I omitted to tell you that a clam chowder will be served at Brother Perkins’ next Thursday evening, and I want you all to come and bring your bowls and spoons.” Then he con- tinued his invocation: ‘And may the Lord have mercy upon your souls! Amen !"—Neww York Recorder. MaGistTRATE—You must be subjected to a great many temptations, you are up before me so often. PrisoneR—Dat’s de fac’, boss. trials. Dis here am de world of temptations and But de trials hit me the hardest, boss.—Hart/ord Times. Law supposed. Sick Man—Yes, but keep that quiet till after the funeral. show of grief-stricken mourners.—77t-Bits. ‘R (drawing will)—Your estate is much smaller, sir, than is generally I want a good He Hap Bee} pirate ? Cartaix Storas.—Yes. He charged me $11 a day for a hall room on the fourth floor.—/ndianapolis Journal. —Miss Gush—Oh, captain, were you ever boarded by a Junor HENRY HowLanp tells the story of the embarrassed but generous- hearted young man who felt called upon to relieve the sudden cessation of drawing-room conversation, which oftentimes overtakes even the most brilliant social circles. With the blushes surmounting his cheeks he timidly turned to the daughter of the nostess, who was not present in the room, and inquired : “* Ho-how is yo-your mo-mo-mother ? N-not th-that I gi-give a d—n, bu-but it ma-makes ta-talk."—New Haven Register. Haviland China It is important to buyers that they should be ’ 10 informed that the only ware that has always been known as Haviland China is marked under each piece: glands Limoges ™? marine Pure, Ot H &C . On White China, On Decorated China, HUNTER. “Hunter Baltimore Rye ” Absolutely Pure Old Rye Whiskey FOR CLUB, FAMILY AND MEDICINAL USE, THE BEST WHISKEY IN AMERICA Endorsed by Leading Physicians when stimulant is prescribed. Mellow. It fs pure." SOLD AT ALL First-class Cafes and by Jobbers, WM. LANAHAN & SON, Baltimore, Md. YEARS OLo. eeeaaeaamannennaaenmanad| GO UT 9 SCHERING'S rae | 13 RAZI WATER LEHN & FINK, Agents, New York. Gravel, Calculus, Lazy Liver, and all Uric WILL CURE IT. INSTANTANEOUS CHOCOLATE. 3 Take three des- se ir bert spoontulato SE IT.S cap of boiling rater oF milk. Stir briskly iy to serve. Put 1D in 1 1b. and 34 1b, tins. Stephen P. Whitman & Sen, Philadelpbia. RECOMMENDED FOR Acid Troubles. Noel comicbooks.com