Life — January 16, 1896 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AT SEGRS A NeLLs Cuottte: Youah daughtah has consented to mawy me, and—er—I'd like to know if there is any insanity in youah family. OLOGENTLEMAN (emphatically): “There must be !—Ex A LAWYER residing in the North of England, and noted for his laconic style of expression, sent the following terse and witty note to a refractory client, who would not succumb to his reiterated demands for the payment of his bill: “Si, if you pay the enclosed, you will oblige me. If you do not, I shall oblige you."— Pittsburg Bulletin. ALL lecturers like to have their efforts appreciated, and some want all the world to realize how great was the satisfaction of their audience. The American tells of an instance where this inclination showed the lecturer in an amusing light. Brown: 1 say, James, the boy from the newspaper office has called for the report of that lecture. Is it finished ? Jasies (@ novice); All but a short sentence in the middle of it, and I can’t for the life of me make out from my notes what it is. Brows: Oh, just put in ‘Great applause,” it go. James acts on the suggestion, and the lecture is sent for publication with the doctored part reading “Friends, I will detain you but a few moments longer. [Great applause. ]— Youth's Companion. and let GrseRat Josern E, Jounstos, the Confederate com- mander, used to relate that in the hottest part of one of the early battles of the civil war he felt his coat tails pulled. Turning about he recognized a young man who had been employed in his tobacco factory previous to enlistment. “Why are you not in your place fighting ?" the general demanded angrily.‘ Why," answered the youth, ‘+I just wanted to tell you that if you don’t mind I reckon I will take my day off to-day !"— Argonaut. SMITH loves a good straight drink, and loves each one better than the first. It is needless to say that at times Smith goes under, The club man, whois a well-known Boston shoe dealer, was telling about one of those times.‘ Smith,” said he, “shad gone up to Maine ona visit.. His host was a jolly good fellow, and loved a good straight drink just as much as did Smith. Get two men of congenial temperament and similiar tastes together, and they generally make a night of Phat's precisely what Smith and his host did. Seems, also, that a clergyman was staying at the house, and he, poor soul, had slept the sleep of the just all night, Smith came down to breakfast in the morning, having had about an hour's sleep. The first man he saw was the clergy- man, The latter put both hands to his head, preparatory to breathing a devout blessing on the food. “Smith looked at him a moment, and then remarked, solemnly and gravely: _* My friend (hic) I've got jus’ same kind of head myself.'"— Exchange. (BEHIND THE ARRAS. By Bliss Carman. Wal designs by T. B. Meteyard. Boston and New Yee Lamson, fe, and Company. Cape of Storms, By Percival Pollard. Chicago: Tel Author. A Woman's Love Letters. By Sophie _M. Hensley. New York: J. Selwin Tait and Sons. The Black Lamb. By Anna Robeson Brown delphia: J. B. Lippincott Company. Atenas] A BuFFALo boy, when asked to write out what by considered an ideal menu, evolved the following : FURST COURSE. Mince pie. SECOND COURSE. Punkin pie and turkey. THIRD COURSE. Lemon pie, turkey and cranberries. FOURTH COURSE. Custard pie, apple pie, chocolate cake and pi pudding. DESSERT. Pie —Youth's Companion, Cartan (to belated possenger who has sud. appeared on the deck of the abandoned ship): Jun man! Jump quick ! Don't you see she's going dows] PASSENGER: Is my wife saved ? CAPTAIN s. PASSENGER: Well, so long. I can't spend ti} rest of my life explaining why I let her take ui steamer.—Boston Commercial Bulletin. ror sale by all Newndealers tn Great Britain. pational |News Company, Rream's Leadon, &. C., England, Aoxxrs. Building, Chancery ‘The Inter Lane, EUROPEAN AOENTS—Momra Mrentano, 37 Avenue de Opera, ‘Mayence, Paris; Saarbach's News Exchange. 1 Germany, aX Agents for IvoRY SOAP For bracing the Nervous Syste There is a “comfortable feeling ” comes after a bath with Ivory Soap. ‘Tne Procren & Gawore Co.. Cin'rh, There is no ey the equal of that BROMO-SELTZE\ BIBER LITTLE CIGARS. ALL IMPORTED TOBACCO. HIGHEST IN PRICE, FINEST IN QUALITY. 25c. a Bundle, 10 in Bundle. ‘Trial Package in Pouch by mail for 25c. H, ELLIS & CO., Baltimore, Md. Tue American Tosacco Co., Successor. executed. Linen and FRrieNp: Why didn’t you ever marry? |Table and Maen Lavy: Because, by the time my relatives thought I was old enough to marry, the men thought I was too old.— New York Weekly. 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