Life, 1895-12-19 · page 8 of 18
Life — December 19, 1895 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Page 398: Life Magazine - Satirical Content This page features **Mr. Joseph Jefferson**, a prominent 19th-century actor, pictured in period costume. The main text is a humorous mythological piece titled "From the Chronicles of Psattichus," which parodies classical literature by describing Apollo's destruction via dynamite after the "Golden Rain episode." Below is a theatrical dialogue scene titled "'TWAS THE WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS," featuring characters named Pater and Filia discussing seasonal preparations and social obligations. The satire appears to mock both pretentious classical allusions (through the absurd Apollo story) and upper-class domestic life (through the domestic conversation about Christmas preparations and social expectations). The humor relies on incongruity—mixing high mythology with modern concerns and casual domestic banter—typical of Life's satirical approach to American society.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
- LIFE: From the Chronicles of Psattichus. THE FIRST ECLIPSE. I was the morning after the Golden Rain episode (see Danae vs. Jupiter, Supreme Court VII.) And the ruler of the sods dropped into that unfortunate state of mind when he felt that to be respectable was to be uncomfortable, and to be other- wise, was to be unwell. All the landscape and_fire-escape (otherwise Olympus), seemed drear and gray. He looked for a speck of brightness, and saw it in the Sun, only, it wasn’t so —only so-so. Still, he called Apollo to him, and bade him strike his lyre. The malice of Mercury had caused him to load the lyre with dynamite, and at the first strike Apollo was out. There's nothing like dynamite to knock one out of drawing and every- thing else —and Apollo was out beyond question. The dwellers on Earth saw the first total eclipse on record and cried “See! Great Jove is angry with us because of our Mk. JOSEPH JEFFERSON, AS YOU SEE HIM TO-DAY. ‘TWAS THE WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS. (Scexn:—Luterior of a mansion on the Via Fif- Time: The present.) PATER (surprised): GAIN! An’ now it seems but yestere Thou mad’st a like appeal. “Ods! Close between, 1 wis, thy feast days come. FILIA: ‘The earth has turned Complete around, ‘The constant burned ‘The record of another year upon The hearts of men. PATER (slyly) : And on the heart of one y marked, and his on thine? ‘The ways of youth f sun has I wot misdeeds selves in the dust. And they rent their clothing and humbled them- Henceforward Apollo confined himself to striking attitudes and other things that wouldn't strike ba . but the mortals led a very rectitudinous life for some time. To get at the true inwardness of first cau: bit skeptical. LESSON, is to become a THE ORIGIN OF A CULT. champion humorist of the dis HE T seat of the amphitheatre on the very last day of Pompeii. ict. sat on the very top jast hour of the very Some people regard death too seriously. The Pomps took a lighter view of it, and had given a totally new kind of show as a grand finale. * What shall I call it?” said the humorist, and then his eye fell on the well upholstered legs of the ladies of the ballet. “Hal isa V FILIA: But that, good sir, is not Within the limit of our present theme. I crave such sum as to thy thought may seem Meet for the season's joy in my estate. PATER (grindy) : The season's joy is got at higher rate, Methinks, as seasons pass FILIA: We have our place Above the crowd, which we must fill. with grace, PATER (sarcasticadd ‘en though they squeeze me in the open mart With slump and corner? FILIA: ir, Our set is smart; the ways and means of Tt does not kne trade— I have it! well to remark that use doth br au-de-veal entertainment !"" coming season filtered down upon them. he cried. “Habet! Habet!" (Itis da habet ina man.) “ This And the first ashes of the H.W. Phillips. PATER (énterrupting) : Nor much of aught. FILIA (continuing) : ‘Twould ill become a maid To talk of marts—Thou know’st the Yule-tide gifts? PATER (explosively) : Cost like the de‘il! An’ Iam put to shifts To meet sight drafts. We must haul in our hors; Put on less style ! FILIA (é4 tears): Thou'dst make me feel the scorns Of other maids whose fathers have no more— Boo-hoo— PATER (gruffty) : Now, don't do that | I've vowed a score Of times I'd have it not!