Life — December 12, 1895 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

**Onxe summer,” said Colonel Wilham M. Ollin at a college fraternity dinner, ‘a few years after the war, Colonel Higginson was traveling in the South, and he got to talking with a farmer in some little town, who was employing a considerable number of men at his haying. The farmer told Colonel Higginson that most of them were old Confederate soldiers. “+ You see over there, where those four men are working?! asked he. ‘Well, all of ‘em fought in the war. One of ‘em was private, one of ‘em was a corporal, one was a major, and that man ‘way over in the corner was a colonel.” “+ Are they good men ?' asked Colonel Higginson. Well,’ said the farmer, ‘that private’s a first-class man, and the corporal's pretty good too.’ But how about the major and the colonel ?* “<The major’s so so,’ said the farmer. ++ But the colonel ?* *** Well, I. don’t want to say nothin’ against any man who wasa colonel in the war,’ said the farmer, ‘but I've made up my mind I won't hire no brigadier generals.'"—Boston Herald, ComMERctAt. travelers, sometimes called drummers,” have acquired a reputation, perhaps undeserved, for largeness of statement. Thus we read in the Washington S/ar that a commercial traveler of the more flashy type had just finished a startling story, when the listener, a new acquaintance, remarked : “That reminds me of one of Munchausen’s yarns, “ Munchausen,” answered the drummer ; “ who is he ?” “Why, don’t you know about him ? He is the most colossal example of mendacity that civilization has produced.” A moment of silence followed, broken by the commercial traveler. xcuse me,” he said, “would you mind telling me what house he travels "— Youth's Companion. Mr. CHUGWATER entered the store with confident air of a man who knew exactly what he had come to buy and was prepared to pay the cash for it. ““L want a Butterworth pattern No. 99,674.” he said, “ for a 38-inch waist.” “Are you sure that’s the right size?” asked the young woman behind the counter. Are made in the Largest and Best Equipped Bicycle Factory in the World. Tt requires a corps of scientific men to construct a bicycle that will meet the demands of the modern st men in the world in each departinent - steel experts, m ¢ largest and most thoroughly modern bicye dl ed make every part under ‘Our own roof. rider. We have the intendent, master mechanic, s buy the best bigh-grade material, regardless of cost, know we are right in warranting the Waverley tobe Do you want the best? Our catalogue is free by mail. best bievele INDIANA BICYCLE builtin the world, rezardles CO., Indianapolis, Ind., U.S.A. + Yes, that's the size my wife told me to get.” “* Is it for her ?" said the young woman, with some hesitation of manner. “IT don’t know that that makes any difference,” rejoined Mr. Chugwater, slightly raising his voice, ‘but I have no objection to stating that it is.” “I beg pardon, but—but would you mind telling me how much she weighs ?” “She weighs about 150 pounds.” “I thought so,” said the young woman, reaching promptly for something in one of the pigeon-holes behind her. ‘It’s a 28-inch size the lady wants. A 38- inch would be about the right size for a 375-pound person, and we don't keep it in stock. Twenty-five cents, please.” Mr, Chugwater paid the money, put the pattern in his pocket, and walked out of the store with a curious feeling that he had shrunken three or four sizes too small for his clothes and that forty giggling girls had seen him shrink. Chicago Tribune. ‘A CLERGYMAN was very anxious to introduce some hymn books into the church, and arranged with his clerk that the latter was to give out the notice im- mediately after the sermon. The clerk, however, had a notice of his own to give out with reference to the baptism of infants. Accordingly, at the close of the sermon he arose and announced that‘ All those who have children whom they wish to have baptized please send in their names at once to the clerk.’ The clergyman, who was stone deaf, assumed that the clerk was giving out the hymn book notice, and immediately arose and said: ‘ And I should say, for the benefit of those who haven't any, that they may be obtained at the vestry any day from three to four o'clock ; the ordinary little ones at one shilling each, and special ones with red backs at one shilling and fourpence.""— Christian Advocate, One day recently in a Dundee school the teacher was examining the class in history and asked one of the boys: ‘* How did Charles I. die ?” The boy paused for a moment and one of the other lads, by way of prompting him, put his arm up to his collar to signify decapitation. Boy No. 1 at once grasped, as he thought, his friend’s meaning, and ex- claimed, to the great amusement of the class : * Please, sir, he died of cholera."—London Morning Journal, Importer and Maker of RICH FURS 24 East 23d St., Madison Square, South. MAKER OF Persian, Mink, Sealskin, and Crown Sable Garments. hanical experts, super- le plant in the world— of price. SUSPENDERS BEARING mus TRADE = @ HEST Et ARE THE 4 MARK Apps) IMPORTER OF Theatre and Carriage Wraps, Cloth Driving- Coats, Far-lined and Trimmed. A rich variety of exclusive things in Collarettes and Capes, Garments remade to present style of Fashion. Wholesale Department. Skins and Trimmings for Tailors and Makers of Robes et Manteaux. “GRADUATED” ELASTIC CORD mae wy so. Best furnisher keeps them. Fifty cents and upwards, Cheaper model at % cents, Sample palre mailed for orice. Look for “graduated” cord and the name on every pair. CHESTER SUSPENDER CO., * No. 7 Decatur Avenue, ROXBURY, MASS. ‘TRANSPARENT ESTFE. Name. address, pictares nder handle. Agta w'td. Nov, Cut. Co, Canton, 0. 4 Cy = & wid org: pro oft org 19 comicbooks.com