Life — December 12, 1895 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A TOUGH fish story is related which may or may not be true, and as it relates to an Atlantan we print it. The story goes that one spring, while a party of Atlantans were fish- ing at the dead lakes, in Florida, a well-known Atlanta lawyer lost his gold watch from the boat in which he was sitting. The next spring he made another visit to the lakes and during the first day’s sport caught an eight pound trout. His astonishment could be imagined when he found his watch lodged in the mouth of the trout. The watch was running and the time correct. It being a stem-winder, the supposition is that in masticating his food the fish wound up the watch daily,—At/anta Constitution. ** OWING to your not having screensin your car windows,” said the traveler, ‘I got a cinder in my eye the other day, and it has cost me ten dollars toget it out. I want toknow what you are going to do about it.” “Nothing, my dear sir,” said the railroad official. “* We have no use for the cinder, and you are perfectly welcome to it. On a strict construction of facts, you did go off with our @ Property, The cinder of course, was not yours, but we do hot care to make trouble for you in so smalla matter. Pray, do not give the incident a moment's thought."—Sia Fran- cisco Post. A PoOLice officer was under cross-examination in the police court. The defendant was charged with using vulgar language, battery, disturbing the peace, drunken- ness, and resisting an officer. “You put the handcuffs on this man, didn’t you?” asked the attorney for the defense. “Yes, sir. “Why did you do that ?- Was he resisting or attempting to escape at that time ?" “No, sir.” “ He was walking along quietly enough, wasn't he?” “Then why did you handcuff him ?" “+ He was using vulgar language.” “ But why did you put those things on his wrists ?” *+ 1 couldn't put them on his mouth.” “What did he do then ?” “He tried to run.” * And what did you do?” “* Tbroke his jaw for him,” * Why did you break his jaw “ Well, I couldn't break his leg, could I?” “Then, as I understand it, you put handcuffs on him to keep him from using vulgar language and broke his jaw to keep him from running ?”” “Yes, sir; that’s right; that's what I did,” ** Did the handcuffs stop his vulgar language ?"" “That's what they did.” * How? ** Well, he’s deaf and dumb, and he was swearing with his fingers.” “+ Did breaking his jaw stop his running 2” * Yes, sir. When he came to he was where he couldn't run."—San Francisco Post. Lawyer: madam. Wivow: Oh, Mr. Bluebags! How can you say such a thing, with my second hardly cold in his grave.— You will get your third out of the estate, HARPER AND BROTHERS, NEW YORK. THE ROUND TABLE, Bound Volume for 185s. Aftermath, Part Second of * A Kentucky Cardinal” By James Lane Allen, 4 House-Boat on the Styx. Cuan Fanny Burney and Her Frie Seeley. M.A. (Imported.) Horace Walpole and His Seeley, M.A. (Imported.) COPELAND AND DAY, BOSTON, Moody's Lodging House and Other Tenement Sketche By Alvan Francis Sanborn. By John Kendrick Bangy NEW YoRK. Edited by L. B World. Edited by L. B Outline of The Phitanety ¢ PD Greenough _ White, London: Ginn and ccomey The Woman's Bible. Part 1. Publishing Compan: English Literature, By [D. Part 1. Boston ast New York: Europes TUE. telephone, it is said, is not making much prog. ress in Russia. And no wonder! Fancy a maz going to the ‘phone and shouting : ‘* Halloa, is that you, Dvisastkivehsmartvoiczskic ?” ‘0, it is Zollemschouskaffirnocknstiffsgrowot. Who's speaking ?” “ Sezimochockiertrjuaksmzskischokemoff. 1 wast to know if romanskeffiskillmajuwchzvastowst ki is still stopping with Dvisostkivchsmat —The Katipo. Sue: [was afraid you were going to kiss me thea, you pursed up your lips so. He: Oh, no; I wouldn't dare do that. had some sand in my mouth. Sue (disgustedly): Don't take it out. into your system.—High School World. I merey Ie may ge raters to Great Britain, pany, Rream's Building, C! land, doaxrs. ‘The Inter chancery Lana, FUROFEAN Acewrs—Meaura. Brentano, 37 Aveaue de l'Oper, Ivory SOAP “A good complexion needs no artificial toning Use a pure soap like the Ivory or heightening.” and leave nature to do the rest. Tne Procten & Gawort Co., Conti, | CTION DERIVED FROM ' TH NS OS {2 SMOKING 7 Z RETURN TO FORMER MANAGEMENT. HAMILTON HOTEL, HAMILTON, BERMUDA. OPEN DECEMBER UNTIL MAY. For circulars and information apply until Dec. 12 at office’of Boston Home Journal, 220 Devonshire street, to D & BROOKS, Managers. Winter Cruise The Hambur; Express S.5. New York, raltar, Algiers, Genoa, andria (for Cairo and the Pyrai from New York to the Bealterranean vane the Yortotne west inate <t American Line's ERST BISMARCK will leave january 28th, 1896, for Madeira, ice, Tunis, Alex: Play “WATERLOO.” The popular New Board Game. Fe young or old. Novel and Excitisgy Price, $1.25. Bc initicave IT 1S ONE OF THE ids), Jafla, (for \ DELGHTEUL > BLEND “ONCE. HE a \RESULT rust us BOTH 1 A202. TRIAL PACKAGE OST PRO FOR cents MARBURG BROS.<*reer ant sceica GARDEN CITY HOTEL Garden City, Long Island. ‘This new Hotel Is now cpen for questa, situated 10.8 park of thirty acrvs. Heated by steam and open fire- places in rooms. Plazas with sutherly expovare en. Closed in glass and heated. Rooms single or en sulte ths. Reached by Loug Island jerusalem), Smyrna, Constantinople, Athens, Malta, Messina, Palermo, Naples, Genoa, New York.’ Duration about 10 weeks. inter cruise to the WEST INDIES and Spanish Main. The Hamburg-American Line's twin-screw Express S.S. COLUMBIA will leave New Vork, January asth, 1896, for Port au Prince (Haytij, Mayaguez (Porto Rico), $1. Thomas, St; Kitts, Antigua, Guadeloupe, Martinique, St. Lucia, Barbados, Trinidad, Guayra (lor Caracas” Veneruela), and. Puerto Cabello, Kingston (Jamaica), Havana ; | York. Duration about 4% weeks. joieans deme ea a tes oe ur particulars addres: M. F. MEEHAN, Manager, Garden City, or Gaubax City Co., Room 187, No. #80 Broadway. THE IN FREO'K H. LEVEY CO. used on LIFE is manufactured by jekman St.,N. Y. first time a transatlantic liner (about 4 ti large as an ordinary W. I. Liner) with all its comforts is offered on this route. For further particulars apply to the Mamburg-American ine, 37 Broadway, N.Y. PARKER GAMES Highest Award World's Falr, 1893. Our Illustrated Catalogue describ “Innocence Abroad,” * Chivalry, “ Napoleon’? and too others for 2c, stamp. “* Wonderland"? and ‘+ Uncle pretty Card Games in Colors for | BE cate gach. ‘All gam Pi RKER BROS., SALEM, MASS., U. 5- Ccomicbooks.com