Life — November 28, 1895 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SOMETHING LIKE AN ANCESTRY. “Jim, WHILE WE'S AWAITIN’ FOR DE SUN TO SET AFORE WE BREAKS INTO DE CHURCH YONDER, LET ME TELL VER DAT YER AIN'T GOT NO OR NARY EVERY-DAY SLOUCH FUR A PARDNER, I'S GOT THE BLUEST CONWICT BLOOD A-COURSIN’ TROUGH MY WEINS; MY GRAN- FADER KILT A Hessk CASSEL pOOK, AN’ MY MUDDER'S SIDE I KIN SHOW T'REE GENERA- TIONS WOT HAVE REEN HUNG RY DE NECK!" “ My dear, dear old boy !" began the effusive young man as he entered a Woodward avenue car and slapped a middle-aged man on the back, ‘but I was just thinking of you a moment ago ! How do you do, anyway 2” “Lam well, sir!" {rigidly replied the man as he turned full around, “Ah! Beg pardon for my mistake. I was certain it was my dear old friend Colonel B.” ““Tsaid I was well,” repeated the man who had been slapped. “Yes, I know, and I beg you to excuse me. It's the first time I ever such a mistake, The resemblance is wonderful.” “Did you wish to speak to me, sir!" demanded the other in tones y 48 degrees below zero. “T slapped you on the back by mist I am sorry for it. You look ki twin-brother of my old friend, Colonel B., and I mistook you for him, very sorry, and I hope you'll overlook it.” “Are you addressing me, sir!” came in cold and flinty tones across the af “Yes, sir. When I came in I took you for my old friend, Colonel B. was not until after I had slapped you on the back that I found out my ais It was very rude of me, and I beg pardon and hope you will overlook it.” “What do you wish me to overlook ?” The young man got up to go all over that speech again, but a plumbe was about to get off took him by the arm and walked him out and dropped on the asphalt, and said : “Young man, you must have drank one too many cocktails. ‘That's oli onel B, himself you've been talking to all this time !"—Detrott Free Press. THE possibilities of the English language have frequently been describe the great American game of baseball, but for striking illustratia from the Herald, of Quincy, IIL, has rarely been equaled : “ The glass-armed toy soldiers of this town were fed to the pigs yesterdy the cadaverous Indian grave robbers from Omaha, The flabby, ove! Reubens who represent the Gem City in the reckless rush for the baseball p had their shins toasted by the basilisk-eyed cattle drivers from the West. stood around with gaping eyeballs like a hen on a hot nail, and suffered the yaps of Omaha to run the bases until their necks were long with thirst. E had more errors than Coin's Financial School, and led the rheumatic procs to the morgue. ‘The Quincys were full of straw and scrap iron. They ci hit a brick wagon with a pickax and ran bases like pall bearers at a funeral three-base hits were growing on the back of every man’s neck they coulda'tad tem with a feather duster. It looked as if the Amalgamated Union of S American Hoodoos was in session for work in the thirty-third degree. geezers stood about and whistled for help, and were so weak they couldsti glass of beer if it had been all foam. Everything was yellow, rocky and sl basted, like a stigtossel full of dogglegammon. The game was whiskered frostbitten, The Omahogs were bad enough, but the Quincy Brown Sor & their fins sewed up until they coulda’t hold a crazy quilt unless it was tied a their necks.” Radical Improvements in PIANO-FORTE Construction render the Masons Hamlin s PIANOS Pea PS, MOST BEAUTIFUL INSTRUMENTS. use oO f b e i n Unquestionably the Most Durable Pianos Made. ey domt rene poty gu ning CLEAN ? of keeping and incoevchence ta winiaaa New Styles Just Introduced. They who Gaiatgue maitdenapniacin = IO TACtICEe it oF «iknow. Masons Hamlin ; areason for be- ing clean, as well as the means. CHICAGO. COLLARS € CUFFS ey CLUETT All you have guessed about life {nsurance may be wrong. If you A wish to know the truth, send for Pi ‘> “How and Why,” Issued by the Pann Mutvat Lire, ga1~3-s Chest- nut Street, Philadelphia, Madison Square, South, - Importer and Maker of RICH FURS 24 EAST 23d STREET, NEW YOR CRAVATS and COLLARETTES In Stone Marten, Mink, Japanese and Ros Sables, Richly trimmed with full tail ca SHORT CAPES With square or circular yokes in Chincd4 Persiana, Broadtail, Lofka, Mandarin Las Seal and Imperial Ermine. COATS, JACKETS and LONG CAPES For Street or Carriage wear in Scalskio, dor Mink, Persian Lamb and Sables. SPECIAL IMPORTATIONS. j Cloth Driving Coats, fur lined and trim and a number of very handsome Cloaks Wraps for Carriage and the Opera. WHOLESALE DEPARTMENT. Skins and Trimmings for Tailors and Mal of Robes et Manteaux. comicbooks.com