Life — October 24, 1895 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TAFAK I" Ves, sire,” responded the grand vizier, with a most humble salam. “T sentenced a number of malefactors to death yesterday, did I not ?" “Allah's most glorious representative on earth was pleased to order the exter- mination of two and twenty Christian dogs —yes, sire,” murmurs Giafar, with another waist movement salam. “And have my orders and the Christian dogs been executed ?” queried the caliph. “Alas, sire, the public executioner lies at the point of death.” ““ Now, by the beard of the prophet,” testily observed the caliph, *' the public executioner is developing symptoms of pantataism. It is the public executioner’s duty to stand at the point of death, not to lie. Bid him bring his scimetar and report for duty forthwith in the courtyard.” “Alas, sire, Mohammed's most worthy understudy does not grasp his servant's meaning. ‘The public executioner groans in weariness of spirit and lies ill unto death, Already at the office of The Mussulman's Delight his obituary stands prepared upon the galleys.” “Giafar, did our serene mightiness understand you to say two and twenty Christian dogs await death ?” “Two and twenty, commander of the faithful.” “+ Let them be assembled in the courtyard at once, and—stay, Giafar !" S| |8/¢ Mar Pabst Malt Extract.... There is substance to it; It is vivifying, life producing; Gives vim and bounce— It braces. The « BEST” Tonic “Yes, sire.” “ Bid the court barbers assemble and shave the heads of the condemned.” “The child of the prophet speaks, and his servants obey.” “This being done, Giafar, you will separate this band of Christian dogs into two sections, consisting of 1x men in each. Give them a copy of the Rugby rules. with the latest approved American college homicidal amendments, and bid them play football to a finish.” “Justice and equity lie ever in the heart of Mohammed's favorite son,” said Giafar, with a shudder. “See that the gates are securely locked, Giafar, and leave these dogs to their fate. After the muezzin has called the faithful to evening prayer bid the mutes remove the dead and cast them over the outer wall, To those who survive, if any there be, you will cause to be read a technical story of the game written by one of the ladies of the harem. Death will speedily ensue.” “ His elevated calmness has spoken, and his will is a law unto his servants, of whom Giafar is the least. Allah be praised 1” said the grand vizier, moving from the caliph’s presence with another series of graceful salaams. “ Public executioners may come and go,” soliloquized the caliph, “but a good government club will never be needed ia Bagdad while my thinking apparatus clings to its trolley. Allah is great, and Mohammed is his prophet, but I cannot refrain fom remarking incidentally that Haroun-al-Raschid, caliph of Bagdad, is considerable of a peach himself."—New York World. A CLERGYMAN in England, pleading earnestly with his parishioners for the construction of a cemetery for their parish, asked them to consider the deplor- able condition of thirty thousand Englishmen living without Christian burial.” Still more curious was another clerical slip. A gentleman said to a minister : “When do you expect to see Deacon S, again?” “Never!” said the reverend gentleman, solemnly ; ‘the Deacon is in Heaven."—The Presbyterian Observer. 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