Life, 1895-10-03 · page 13 of 26
Life — October 3, 1895 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a satirical humor piece about marital hypocrisy and courtship anxieties. A husband reproaches his wife, claiming he never would have married her had he known she swore (used profanity) before their wedding. She responds that *he's* the real hypocrite—and explains why. The joke's twist: The wife reveals the husband was so nervously indirect in proposing (hinting, beating around the bush) that *she* got nervous and kept cutting him off, fearing she'd lose her nerve. Only when he finally asked directly did she accept. His accusation about her swearing becomes absurd when confronted with his own cowardly, roundabout approach to proposing. The "retribution" is that his indirectness caused the very hesitation he's now blaming on her character flaws. It's a gender-dynamics piece mocking both nervous suitors and the pretense of moral superiority in marriage. By Clyde Fitch, a known American playwright of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Wife: The Husband (sadly): é e a Be \Z > \\ it ne RETRIBUTION. IF I HAD KNOWN BEFORE WE WERE MARRIED THAT YOU SWORE $0, | NEVER WOULD HAVE MARKIED You, THAT'S WHAT COMES OF BEING A HYPOCRITE, half-back is terrible. I've been on tip-toe night and day all week ; I've been embracing the empty air, and kissing the unsubstantial sunshine and moonlight! My patience is all gone, but my love remains immovable. Why have you let me get so far toward asking you the one leading question in Cupid’s catechism, and then every time pulled me up short — breathless and angry?) Why ?” “T'll tell you,” she said earnestly, interrupt- ing me before I could say more. “The truth is, you've been so nervous about it, so timid, suggesting everything, and saying nothing, beating around the bush, and leading up the point by easy stages, that by the time you were ready to say the word I was so nervous myself and fidgety, I was actually afraid! A sort of stage fright it was. I didn’t dare let you speak. If you had ever asked me straight out I doubt I'd have accepted you long ago.” $ paused only for breath, but I didn't wait. “Will you marry me ?" L asked almost with a gasp. And that was all we said for a long, long time. Clyde Fitch. comicbooks.com