Life — September 12, 1895 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A PICNIC POSTER. FROM A SKETCH FOUND IN A Mapnow: A MATHEMATICAL PARADOX. ‘AIR Phyllis, by the summer sea, Quite scorns the simple ‘rule of three.” Three swains has she, who blindly run, Obedient to the rule of one. WHAT'S IN A TITLE? N the account of a very costly ball recently given at Newport by a Mrs. W. K. Vanderbilt, we see that The young Duke of Marlborough was surprised, and he said that he had never seen anything to equal it in England. His grace did not “cut much ice.” In fact, he kept himself in the background, despite the efforts of Mrs, Vanderbilt to push him to the front. LiFe finds it difficult to believe that a retiring, domestic woman like Mrs, W. K. Vanderbilt tried “ to push him to the front.” But another paragraph in the same, article may throw some light on it. The Duke of Marlborough danced rather poorly with Miss Vanderbilt and iss Grace Wilson, sister of Mrs. Ogden Goelet, but he was the hero of the night, He is far from being a graceful dancer. ‘The fact is, he was overpowered by the wealth, beauty and fine gowns of the prettiest and richest women in America, Can it be that the hostess was ashamed of his dancing? We incline to the opinion that a badly dancing duke would be a more hours of duking, and what“. does he do in them? Can \ i he carpenter, or plumb, or tide a bicycle? He certainly eats, drinks and wears clothes but even Americans can do that. This being “ overpowered by the wealth,” etc., we can understand, There is no mystery about that. Weare a great people, dontcher- know, and when it comes to a competition in vulgarity’ between the American news- paper and the American smart set it is difficult to award the prize. NOTICE TO IDIOTS. HENEVER you see a dog pant in hot weather or act strangely, kill it. If possible collect a crowd of other idiots and stone it to death; or treat it in such a way that it bites you in self-defence. Then you ate sure itismad. The dog, of course, is not mad, and is, as a tule, by far the most intelligent actor in scenes of this description. To one case of hydro- the dogs possess wiser instincts than selves. “ FOLLOWING IT UP.” phobia there are thousands ——————————— of human idiots whose good luck it is that them- Comment by Referee: YOUSE FELLEYS MAKES ME TIRED, THIS AIN'T NO WALTZ QUADRILLE, AND I AIN'T CALLIN’ NO FANCY FIGURES NEITHER, IF YOU DON'T FIGHT SQUARER I'LL CHEW BOTH OF YE.” soul-stirring spectacle to the class of Americans there assembled than the most graceful republican citizen. But if a duke cannot dance what can he do? There must be long lapses of leisure between the