Life — September 5, 1895 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ir is not without cause that the term “ hard-headed” has so often been applied to the residents of rural districts in New England, Not long ago a dusty, tired-looking man, presented himself at the desk in the one hotel of a New England town, and said he wanted a room till six o'clock the next morning. “I've eat my supper, an’ I shall be off before breakfast,” he said, gravely, to the clerk. * Now what’ would be your lowest price for a room to sleep in ?” “Fifty cents, if you leave at six o'clock to-morrow morn- ing,” was the reply. Well, now, wouldn't a quarter make it jest about right, >” said the wayfarer, producing a battered twenty-five- cent-piece. “You see I'm all excited up travelin’, an’ I don't expect to sleep more'n half the time I'm in there! —Youth's Companion. Here is a dog story, which you can believe or not as you please, A gentleman remarked of a friend's dog that the two eyes of the animal were remarkably different in size.‘ Yes," was the reply, “and he takes a mean advantage of the fact whenever I have a stranger to dine with me. He first gets fed at one side of my guest, and then goes round the table to his other side, and pretends to be another dog."—Harper's Round Table. Te following is said to be an exact translation of the letter sent by a Chinese editor to a would-be contributor, whose manuscript he ound it necessary to return: “Behold thy servant prostrate before thy feet, I kowtow to thee, and beg that of thy graciousness thou mayest grant that I may speak and live. Thy honored manuscript has deigned to cast the light of its august countenance upon us, With raptures we have perused it. By the bones of my ancestors never have I encountered such wit, such pathos, sucn lofty thought, With fear and trembling I return the writing. Were I to publish the treasure you sent me the Emperor would order that it be made the standard, and that none be published except such as equaled it, Knowing literature as I do, and that it would be impossible in ten thousand years to equal what you have done, I send your writing back. Ten thousand times I crave your pardon. Behold, my head is at your feet, Do what you will. Your servant's servant, THE EDITOR."—Exchange. Doctor: I would advise you, dear madam, to take frequent baths, plenty of fresh air and dress in cool gowns. Huseann (a hour /ater): What did the doctor say ? Wire: He said I ought to go to a watering place, and afterward to the mountains, and to get some new light gowns at once.—Fliegende Blatter. LIVELY PLAYS FOR LIVELY PEOPLE. By Thomas Stewart Denison. Chicago: T.S. Denison. Grania. By Hon. Emily Lawless, New York: Macmillan and Company. Robert Louis Stevenson and other Poems. By Richard LeGallienne. Boston: Copeland and Day _ The Child in the House, By Walter Pater. Copeland and Day. Robert Louis Stevenson, By A.B. Boston: Copeland Boston : ‘by Lass and Other Stories By Mary Beav- w York: Macmillan and mpany. I've bought a bulldog,” said Parsniff to his friend Lessup, ‘and I want a motto to put over his kennel. Can you think of something?” “Why not use a dentist's sign, ‘Teeth inserted here ?*" suggested Lessup,—7it-Bits. “Boy fell into the water at the park to-day,” re- marked Master Pitcher, as he placed his hat over a bust of John Bunyan and took aseaton the music canterbury, ‘‘and just as we all thought he was a goner his big dog pulled him out.” “ That shows, Arthur,” remarked Mrs, Pitcher, how dangerous it is for boys to play at the water's edge.” “Think so, ma? I thought it showed how safe a boy was if he only had a dog."—London Sporting Times. For slo by all Nowndealers to Great Britain. The Tater national "News Gora eam's Buliding, Chancery Lase, Usodon, EC, England, Lenses. “ id EURorgax AOExTs—Momra Rrentano, 37 Avenuo de l'Opera, ‘Mayence, Parts; Saarbach’s No Tachanwe,, 1 "Clarastrame, Germany, Agents for Germany, Austria and witserland. IvoRY SOAP Some persons insist on having the costliest of everything. They do not buy Ivory Soap. Those who want the best do. ‘Te Procter & Gawore Co., Cinrtt, A DELIGHTFUL VEL. Good looks depend upon a clear and healthy | No **OLD CROW RYE” is genuine Satisfaction and Speed in Columbia Bicycles The famous Hartford Single-Tube Tires with which Columbia Bicycles areequipped add much to the ple: ure Columbia riders have in bicy cling. Even the dreaded puncture terrors with Hartford Pubes. Repaired in a min- Anyone can do it. Dunlop best of double tubes, if you prefer. POPE MFG. CO. taatronn Co, HE R MAJE STY. |" Try S-A-N-A-D-O-R Skin Soap. By ELIZABETH K. TOMPKINS. 12mo, cloth, $1.00; paper, soc. “ DROCH,” writing in Lire, says of it: “* Her Majesty’ is an idyllic love story of a young queen, who is altogether a very fasci- nating personage, a most humane, lovable woman, and, as the young Englishman who met her said,” the jolliest girl Tever knew.’ It is written with a charming style, with grace land ease and very pretty unexpected turns of expression. Moreover, there is a gentle and ‘vasive sense of humor that makes it real, Boman, and sympathetic. OF all the recent royalties in fiction, *Honoria’ seems to tus the one most easy to domesticate at an American hearthstone, », Itisa satisfac. tion to say that "Her Majesty’ is a far better novel than most of the foreign atrocities that have been pushed into popularity. It has the good fortune to be written with intelligent skill; it sparkles with delicious fancy, and it is a clean-minded love story that is neither prud- ish nor stupidly Philistine.” At all Booksellers, G. P. PUTNAM’S SONS, Publishers, - 27 West 23d Street, N. Y. | ‘The Ideal HOTEL: America | wo VENDOME" | C. H. Greentear & Co, Diccs: Scribulous must be a very sympathetic man. Ficcs: What makes you think so? Diccs: He was asked to send a copy of his latest book to the hospitals, and he wouldn't do it, Pittsburg Post-Dispatch. CANNIBAL (to captured missionary) : Have you any particular wish before you are dished up? MIssIONARY: I should like to deliver one more lecture on the advantages of a vegetarian diet.— Ueber Land und Meer. Facial blemishes cannot exist where one uses S-A-N-A-D-O-R Skin Soap, untess the word RYE {s printed on the label and case, and our firm name is on the case, cork, capsule and label. Many counterfeits are offered. Every barrel of rye whiskey made at this distillery for the past 23 years has been sold and | delivered to us. The Roneet Stewart Rve Train's * ve Stock") R.O. B. Glenlivet Scotch Whis- key, bottled in Glasgow; very old and choice. All the popular brands of wines, liquors, malt liquors, &.; very old and medium ages, H. B. KIRK & CO., 69 Fulton Street, Also Broadway and 27th Street. Travelers’ Headaches or Cured in 20 minutes by Train Sickness} Bromo-Seltzer. For Sale on all Trains by Union News Co.’s Agents. |