Life — July 4, 1895 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AMERICAN naval officers now in Washington who were recently in China tell of a day they spent ashore looking for sport. For a few yeg, amounting to about four cents, they secured the services of two Chinese to fight for their enter- tainment. The fight went on bravely, and as fights go in China, not being up to the American hippodrome style, one of the Chinese was whipped. But he was angry. As he moved away from the scene of combat he found a stone, and, turning upon his late antagonist, struck him a blow that killed him. The murderer was speedily beheaded, but the authorities decided that it was no concern of the Ameri- can officers if a murder resulted from their plan of amuse- ment. One of the younger officers remarked: ‘* We not only got a fight, but a killing and an execution, all for four cents. You coulda’t beat those rates." Argonaut, One. story is repeated of the late Mrs. Paran Stevens which may be placed here to her credit, although it is not long since it was told in print. An opulent woman, who had got into society, as it were, by climbing over the fence, when the policeman’s back was turned, once asked Mrs. Stevens in a supercilious way about a young lady she was introducing. “Who is your friend, Miss —?" she said. “Miss — is a charming girl,” replied Mrs. “+ well bred, as you see, accomplished, entertaining. “Yes, I know,” persisted the snob, ‘but dear Mrs. Stevens, of course you know what I mean —who is she ?”” “My dear woman,” retorted Mrs. Stevens, “I can no stevens ; more tell you who Miss — 1s than I could have told those who asked me who you were when you first came to New- port."— Worcester Gazette. Just as the surly man had for the twentieth time re- pulsed the life insurance agent a brick scow collided with the ferryboat, and the passengers were thrown into the water. “Can you swim ?” asked the agent, maintaining a finger in his victim's buttonhale, “N-no,” splattered the surly man, wildly beating the water. ‘*Oh, save me!” “« Promise to try one of our 15 year non-slippable tontine policies,” demanded the agent. “II promise" gurgled the surly man as he was sinking for the last time. And inside of two minutes the agent had him on the wharf and was filling out aa application.—New York Recorder. Mrs. MCBRIDE (entering the kitchen): Bridget, didn’t I see that policeman kiss you ? Bripcet: Well, mum, sure an’ yer wouldn't hev me lay mesilf opin to arrist for resisting an officer, mum.— Harper's Bazar. PATERFAMILIAS : What on earth makes that young man stay solong ? Doesn’t he know how to say good-night ? Epytn: Of course he does. That's what makes him stay so long.—Puck. 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