Life — May 23, 1895 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Oxe day when Major Heap, of the United States Engineers, was in charge, under the then Col. Newton, of the Government exhibit at the Centennial, a crank entered the office demanding to see Col. Newton. The Major saved his superior officer the boredom of the visit, extracting from the crank that he had a new invention that could destroy any army upon which it was worked. “It is the most powerful explosive the world ever saw, and I propose to send up a balloon over an army that would attack ours, setting the fuse so it would go off the moment the balloon floated over the army of the enemy. “That is all very good, indeed,” said Major Heap, “ but suppose that a current of air should carry your explosive balloon over our army—what then ?"” “Well!” said the crank, laying his hand on the Major's arm, ‘I tell you what it is, my friend, our army would have to get up and run like — Vanity. THE proprietor of a country hotel was himself receipting the guest’s bill, when the man called him by name. The proprietor looked up inquiringly, but did not seem to recognize his familiar customer. “You don't remember me, I brother Jim.” “Jim ? what Jim 2?” queried the landlord cautiously. see, but you knew: my “Why, my brother Jim. Don't you remember him ?" “Oh, yes, I remember him, and a meaner cuss I never knew," replied the host grimly. “+ Jim's dead now ; don't be too hard on him, He had good streaks, and he was awful lucky in some ways.” **Oh, he was !” “Why, just five minutes before he died, a man came in and paid him ten dollars he owed him, He died holding the bill tight in his hand.” “Ah,” responded the host, handing back the receipted bill, “then he had money to burn!” The brother departed pondering on the landlord's meaning and the far-off look in his eye when he made that last remark.— Social Circle of Anecdote. “Tite doctor has ordered me to try a change for awhile,” said Mrs, Gabb, “Then if 1 were you I would go to a photographer's and have my picture taken,” said Mr, Gab. «Why should I do that 2” asked the lady as she brought her teeth together with a click. ** Because the photographer will tell you to look pleasant, and if you obey him it will be the greatest change that you could possibly experience." —New York Mail and Express. 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