Life — May 2, 1895 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Tieovore Hattam once defended a burglar. The burglar’s wife was on the witness-stand, and the prosecuting attorney was conducting a vigorous cross- examination, ‘ Madam, you are the wife of this man?” “Yes.” “You knew he was a burglar when you married him?" “Yes.” ‘How did you come to contract a matrimonial alliance with such a man?" ‘ Well,” the witness said sarcastically, ‘1 was getting old, and I had to choose between a lawyer and a burglar.” The cross-examination ended there.—/-xchange. AN application for an annual pass was made to Commodore Vanderbilt by the president of a road about twenty-five miles long. ‘ Your road doesn't seem ver a great amount of territory,” suggested the Commodore to the applicant. it isn't quite so long as the New York Central; but, t's just as wide!" The pass was issued.—New York Tribune. Mr, J. L. Macapam, the Scotchman, who invented the kind of paving which bears his name, is said to have been a guest at a large dinner given in honor of Sir Walter Scott. Being asked to respond to a toast, Mr. Macadam rose, and, at the end of his speech, proposed the health of the great Sir Walter Scott, the colossus of literature!” In an instant Sir Walter was on his feet, and lifting his glass, exclaimed : ‘* Here's to the great Mr. Macadam, the colossus of roads!" —Argonaut, Maup: I don't know what I am ever going to do! : Why, what is the matter? Maup: Why, M. Feara, of Paris, was talking very earnestly to me in French last night, and I didn’t quite understand him ; and he spoke so impetuously, and I replied, ** Oui, oui,” several times, It has just occurred to me that perhaps he was proposing.—Harper's Bazar. Down in Mississippi not so very long ago there was a young darky who bore the classic name of Scipio and was the happy possessor of two mules which re- joiced in the appellations of Sam Jones and Mary, and so dearly did he cherish the brutes that one day when he met a girl named Mary he fell in love with the dusky maiden for no other reason, as he admitted, than that she bore the same cognomen as the off mule, and they decided to wed. Scipio wanted to do the thing up right and give the bride a present, so he went one day to the little country store, and, after examining the entire stock, purchased two hoopskirts and took them back to the girl. She was delighted, but pretty soon she said : “Look heah, Scipio, what furd’ you get two er dese hupes for ?”” “Why, honey,” responded Scipio, ‘I didn’ want'cher t’ look lopsided.” “\Whus’ ‘at? Lopsided ?- Humph!” From Le Courrier Fransaise. “Shoh, honey. I got one fur de right laig an’ one fur de lef." —Exchange. LIEDUCATION SENTIMENTALE.—Br Bearnstey. Bi tuk.Scrits: 2°. $8 ASK FOR THIS BRAND. CY CATALOGUE FREE. CL ES ARE WARRANTED. THE highest of all high grade machines built in the world, regardless of price. Our facilities are the best in the world for the production of the finest possi- ble results. Every machine fully guaranteed. INDIANA BICYCLE CO., Indianapolis, Ind., U. S. A. Eee MULHENS & KROPFF, New York, U.S. Acts. GOUT? UT? 9 SCHERING'S RECOMMENDED FOR 3 Gravel, Calculus, Lazy Liver, and all Uric For Sale by Druggists. Acid Troubles. LEHN & FINK, Nes New York. WATER WILL CURE IT. PLAIN OR ORNAMENTAL. | THIOK OR THIN. OF FINEST WOODS, PAR UE FLO ORS viNeenIae reine seuoaa. THE ANTERIOR HARDWOOD co., DIAN APOLIS,