Life — April 4, 1895 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘LIFE: One day in my missionary work in the Cumberland Mountains, said a minister, I rode up toa much better-looking house and hillside farm than was customary in that section. Good morning,” 1 and the road. * How d'y 2” he responded. “Very nice place you have here,” I remarked. “ Right peart,” he returned.” “Can I see the man of the house ?” I inquired. Thar ain’t none. 0? Does a widow own the place ?” No; a married woman.” “Who is she ?"” “* Lige Jackson's wife.” ** And there is no man of the house ?” “That's what I said.” “ Well, can I see Mrs, Jackson, then ?”” “No; she’s gone down to the store to sell some truck.” “When will she be back ?” “ Ain't no tellin’, She does purty much ez she pleases ‘round here.” Mr, Jackson doesn't cut much of a figure, does he ?" I laughed. Not much,” * Are you working for him?” “Course not ; fer her.” “Who are you?” I ventured, for I was bound to see somebody who ¢ the information I sought. ‘The man smiled a little. Oh," he said, * Lain't nobody much. Cheerful Moments. said toa tall, thin man working in a patch between the house Id give me I'm only Lige Jackson's wife's husband."— ““ I1's astonishin’,” remarked an old Yankee fortyniner, as he nodded over his lass toa friend, ** what a coward a man is at home—a reg'lar crawlin' sneak, by Jove! I've traveled a good bit, and held up my head in most 0’ the camps on the coast since ‘yp. I've got three bullets inside o’ me. I've shot and been shot at, and never heard nobody say I hadn't as good grit as most fellers that’s goin’. But at home I'm a kyote. Afore I'd let the old woman know that her hot biscuit wasn’t Ar when it's like stiff amalgam; I'd fill myself as full as a retort. I've done it lots 0° times. Most o? my teeth is ;ove from tuggin' on beefsteaks that the old woman fried. D'ye think I roar out when I go over a chair in the dark ? “No, sir. While I'm rubbin' my shins an’ keepin’ back the tears, I'm likewise sweatin’ fur fear the old woman has been woke by the upset. It didn’t used to be so,” sighed the poor fellow, thoughtfully rubbing his scalp. ‘* When we first hitched, I thought I was superintendent; but, after a year or two of argyin’ the pint, I settled down to shovin' the car at low wages. I kin lick any man o' my age an’ size,” cried the old gentleman, banging the saloon table with his wrinkled fist. ‘I'll shoot, stand up, or rough-and-tumble for coin ; but, when I hang my hat on the peg in the hall, an’ take off my muddy boots, an’ hear the old woman ask if that’s me, I tell you the starch comes right out o' me !"—Chicago Ledger. A story is told of Mr. Balfour's receat golf-starring tour, He had made an iroa shot in which he had sent the soil almost half as far as the ball,‘ What did I hit ?” he asked his caddie, as he looked round to discover a hidden boulder or a decapitated stump, The only reply was about as crushing as could have ‘been compressed into a single werd —"* Scotland.” Wuen a man tempts fate by reminding a spinster of her condition, his punish- ment is generally swift and sure. In a county of Ireland where the Quakers were numerous the entire body on one occasion gathered together for one of their quarterly meetings. After the exercises of the morning a public luncheon was held, at which all the Friends attended. The conversation turned to matrimony. * Bridget,” said an unmannerly youthful member of the society, speaking across the crowded table to a prim, elderly maiden lady, wilt thou tell me why thou has never married | “Certdialy, Friend William,” responded the ready Bridget in a voice audible ever the room, ‘Tis because I am not so aisy pleased as thy wife was."—Exchange. Yor sale by all Newndealers in national News Company, Fream's reat Briain. ‘The Inter London, E. C., England, FUnorgaN AogxTs—Mewra Brentano, 37 Avenue de l'Opera. Parts; Saarbach's News Exchange, 1 ‘Clarasti ence. . ot change, rama, May' IVORY SOAP The detestable odors of many hotel and sleeping car soaps are intended to conceal the poor quality of the soap itself. The traveler who wishes to thoroughly enjoy his toilet and bath, will carry a piece of Ivory Soap in his toilet case. Tne Procren & Gawoit Co., Cin HITCHINGS & CO., Horticultural Architects and Builders And Largest Manufacturers of GREENHOUSE HEATING ano VENTILATING APPARATUS Established so Years. Conservatories, Greenhouses, Palm Houses, Etc., Erected Complete with Our Patent Iron Frame Construction. Plans and Estimates of Cost and Illustrated Catalogues Sent on Application. 288 MERCEE ST.. N.Y. | NOTICE. | Cheap, Strong and Durable, Will hold 26 numbers, Mailed to any part of the United States for $1.00, postage free. Address Office of * LIFE," 19 West Thirty-First Street, N.Y. UBSCRIBERS TO “LIFE" ||| will please give old address as well as new when re- questing change of same, “LIFE BINDER. i | | are prepared to “\Miake to Order LDEN SCEPTRE|Ladies’ > 1S PERFECTION.. |Tailor-Made We WILL SEND ON RECEIPT Me asm -OSCUIMES ‘Walking, ANY ADDRESS. PRICES f OF GOLDEN SCEPTRE, Top and Driving [1b #130, Yld 40e [AGE PAID. re Carnocut ace (Coats la so Riding Habits and Bicycle Suits in the latest styles and of the most desirabie materials Private European Parties |a (e1cHTH SeAsON.) Very Low Prices. West 23d St da! June 20, tour of 64 day: june 29. tour of 87 days. Comprehensive and delightful routes, For descriptive book and reference, address, NIRS. N. D. PRAZAR & CO., 70 and 71 Globe Building, Boston, Nass. unless th is printe liquors, 4 a. B.E Ala