Life — March 21, 1895 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Well,” sai pain Sawyer, still gazing out over the water, “when I took up the | bill o' fare an’ see all the diffrent things there wast’ make a ch'ice of, my head spun round jest like a top. I looked her up an'down; one spell I had some thoughts o° orderin’ a tenderline steak with fixin's. Captain Judkins gave a grunt of disdain. “Well, I didn't,” continued Captain Sawyer. ‘+1 studied quite a season over the furrin dishes, but I deemed it wa'n’t best to run any resks so fer from home. An’ b' that | time the waiter was gittin’ kind o' impatient, an’ he says, * What’ll you have ?’ kind o° quick, an’ I decided ail in a whew !” 5 “Well, what did you have ?” asked Captain Judkins. “Why, Isays, * Bring me a mess o° pickled salt fish an’ a couple o' baked pertate said the recent traveler, carefully avoiding his old neighbor's eye.‘ It appeared t’ be the most nateral thing fo say, an’ so the words jest slipped out b’fore 1 come to a realizin’ sense."— Youth's Companion. A DuRHaM miner, aged 73, visited a Newcastle lawyer (a bachelor), for the purpose of making his will, The old man’s property consisted of two small cottages, which had cost him $150, and a little furniture. The lawyer having asked his client how he wished to dispose of his proj latter replied: ‘+ Ma old woman hes to hev all se long as she's my widdow. ma bairns gets all.” * What age is your old woman ?” asked the lawyer. Seventy-two,” replied the miner. ‘And how long have you and your wife been married | * Over filty years,” replied the miner. i ‘Thereupon the lawyer suggested to his client that he should give the wife the interest | during her life, whether she continued a widow or otherwise. / Hinney, aa winnot ; aa’ll hev ma aan way,” said the miner. “« But surely,” replied’ the lawyer, ** you don't expect your ok woman, now 72 years old, would marry again after your death ?” The miner, looking the lawyer full in the face, answered with much solemnity “Wey, hinney, thor’s nae knaaning what young cheps like yourself willde for money.” —Pear'son's Weekly. Two maiden ladies walked into a Broadway furniture store the other day and asked to be shown some chamber suits of reasonable price. They were tall, thin, prim and sisters. The salesman showed them an extensive line of bedroom furniture. At last a suit was reached that pleased one of the women. What's the price of this ?” she asked. “ Twenty-eight dollars,” replied the salesman, thoroughly seasoned wood.” Everything is first-class about it. it anywhere else in the city for less than $35. It’s a bargain.” It does seem reasonable, Sarah,” said the woman who had asked the price of the set. Sarah walked around the bedstead, scrutinized it carefully from several points of view and finally shook her head. ++ It doesn’t quite suit me,” she said, They left the store. of When they had reached the sid:walk, Mary said : ” asked the lawyer. “Seven pieces in the set. Made of You couldn't buy one like *: 1r's.a cur ous succumstance how women, fond of vriety as they be, will give 2 man the same things to eat year in an’ out,” said Captain Abijah Sawyer to Captain Nelson Judkins, as the two men sat on the wharf in the sun one September morning.‘ That's as sartin as the tides,” responded Captain Judkins, ‘ I've eat more herrin’ than any other man livin’, I presume t’ say.” Vell, now, my woman feeds me on pickled salt fish an’ baked pertaters,” ‘said Captain Sawyer. Sarah, I think we made a mistake in not taking that suit.” Do you really believe that ?” asked Sarah. Yes; it was a bargain. “Ieain't but what it’s nerishin’ food, an’ well-cooked,” he continued ; ‘but sing'lar how much M'ri' doos set by them two things fer a’ stiddy diet. An’ sence I've ive up follerin’ the sea, Tain't had but one chance to. git a change o' food in the year, cal'late I've eat about a thousand pounds o’ salt fish an’ fr'm thutteen to fourteen hundred pertaters durin’ that time.” “T shouldn't wanter make no statement as t’ the number o' herrin’ that I've been obleeged to stow away,” said Captain Judkins, ‘ But when you was down te Marthy’s Vineyard, week b'fore ‘last, you must ‘a’ had an opp'tunity to git ina fust-rate meal. I und’stood you stopped at the hotel durin’ the day.” “Yes, I was there fer a dinner,” returned Captain Sawyer, looking abstractedly out tosea. ‘That was the one chance I was referrin’ to.” “Why don’t you speak up an’ say what you had ?” said Captain Judkins, after a long Twon't make my herrin’ taste any wuss nor any better, so fur’s I know.” + But that bedstead, Mary ?” “ Well, what about it ?- I didn't see anything the matter with the bedstead. It was stylish looking and well made as far as I could see.” Yes, yes, but it was so low.” Well, what of that? For my part I like a low bed, But, my dear sister,” said Sarah reproachfully, *‘ that bedstead was altozethe too low. It would be utterly impossible fora man to crawl under it."—New York Herald. A Scotcn elder was asked how the kirk was gettingalong. Heanswered: ‘ Aweel, 5. we had goo members, then we had a division and there were only 200 left; thena — frour-a disruption, and only to of us were left ; then we had a heresy trial, and now ‘only me and Brother Duncan are left, and I have great doubts of Duncan's orthodoxy."—Zosten pause, Traveller. For sale by national News yin Great Britain. The Inter _ "EUROPEAN AGENT—Mowra Brentano, 57 Avenuo do l'Opera, London, ¥.C:, y Company, Bream's Bullding, Chancery Lane, Parts; Saarbach's News Exchange, 1 ‘Clarastraa, |, AoxxTs, Germany, Ageats for Germany, Austria and Switzeriand. Beecham’s pills for con- stipation toc. and 25c. 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Every barrel of rye whiskey made at this dis- tillery for the past 23 years has been sold and delivered to us. The ROBERT STEWART RYE is the best Eastern rye. Train's “RESERVE STOCK” R. 0. B. Glenlivet Scotch Whiskey, bottled in Glasgo' very old and choice. 7 “ All the popular brands of wines, liquors, malt liquors, &c.; very old and medium ages. . B. KIRK & CO., 69 Fulton Street. | | Also Broadway and 27th Street. Conservatories, Greenhouses, Palm H Our Patent Iron Frame Construction. Plansand Estimates of Cost and Tllustrated Catalogues Sent on Application. 288 MERCER ST.. N.Y. [JRPEES RM ANNU us HOTEL = == +» VENDOME == Seed Catnlogue.’? A handsome book of 174 pages with many new fea~ Back Ba} Common- Boulevard, BOSTON wealth Ave. tures for 1885," It tells all about the C. H. Greentear & Co, Private European Parties. (micHTM season.) May 11, tour of 63 days; June 8 tour of 56 jays: June 20, tour of 64 days: June 29, tour of Sy days. Comprehensive and delightful routes, For descriptive book and reference, address, TRS. M1. D. FRAZAR & CO., 70 and 71 Globe Building, Boston, Mass. Best Seeds that grew. Any seed planter is welcome to a copy FREE. 'W. Atlee Burpee & Co., Phila, comicbooks.com