Life — March 7, 1895 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GREAT EXPECTATIONS! From Patt Malt Budget. WES the head of the concern arrived at his office ‘on the very cold morning his room was cold. “Is the steam on?” he asked, The stenographer girl said it was. “Ah! Isee,” he remarked, ‘* The pipes are filled with cold air,” and with that he unscrewed a small plug from one end of the radiator. The cold air came whistling out and after came a trace of steam. *+1'll wait till it heats up,” he said. The steam began to blow through the hole, so he started to screw the plug in again. “Ouch! Gee! ‘Thunderation!" he screamed as he danced around onone foot. The steam had scalded two of his fingers. * The radiator began * blowing off” like a locomotive, and spurting water across the carpet. ~ Run forthe janitor !” he yelled. |‘ Somebody get that plug and put it in! Go tell the engineer!" The room was clouding with vapor as he pawed around on the floor for the plug that had dropped while he burned his fingers. “+ can't find it,” he gasped, as he jumped up again. ** This is terrible. What can we do?” The stenographer girl looked at him and calmly said: “Why not tuin off the steam ?"—£x, THe reverened doctor is ‘a little round, fat, oily man of God,” but he is blessed with a brain anda laugh far greater than most men, and he never hesi tatés to tell a joke, even though it be ‘one on him The last time he met the Saunterer he had been hav- ing trouble with the steam boiler of his house, and had sent for a plumber to locate the difficulty. “The plumber came,” said the doctor, “and proved to be a burly Irishman, twinkling all over from the sole of his feet to the top of his carrot pate. I sent him down stairs, and in my study, just over the boiler, by the way, awaited the result of his investigations In about ten minutes he reappeared, looking some- what disturbed.” “Is this the place where ye sits and wroites!” said he. “Tis,” said I. “Then he, “ye may thank God ye wasn't blown to h—Il “And,” concluded the doctor, ‘I told him I agreed with him in more ways than one."—Boston Budget. McSwatters: It’ McSwatter: CSWATTERS: Why, when the doctor treats me, T always have to pay for it. Syracuse Post. SOMETHING IMPORTANT. ARRIVAL OF THE CASTELLANES. THE MARQUIS AND MARQUISE HERE TO ATT THEIR SON'S MARRIAGE TO MISS ANNA GOULD. THE Marquis and Marquise de Castellane, the father and mother of the Count de Castellane, who is about to marry Miss Anna Gould, arrived here yester- day on the French line steamer La Champagne. They were accompanied by their second son, Count Jean de Castellane, On the trip over from’ Havre the Castellanes occupied suits Nos. 43 to 49 on board the steamer. They were popular on board. When La Champagne reached her pier about 11 o'clock yesterday morning the Castellanes were met by the Prospective bridegroom land driven to George J. Gould's house, No. 857 Fifth Avenue. It took three iages to convey the Castellanes and their servants F jould house. A big express wagon followed after with their baggage. There were fifteen pieces of luggage in all.. The Marquis and Marquise brought with them fgmily jewels and other costly presents, which Miss Gould will receive from them as wedding gifts. A duty of $2,500 was assessed on the presents by the customs inspectors. At the Gould house the Castellanes were met by the members of the Gould family, and later there was a family party at luncheon. The Marquis and Marquise and their younger son will be the guests of George J. Gould until after the wedding. They have a suit of rooms in the second story of the Gould house. he suit consists of a drawing-room fitted up in’ Louis XVI style, a library and half a dozen bedrooms. Now, while the above is apparently truthful, and brimming with lovely details, we are still ignorant as to the quality of underclothing worn by this interesting family, and are told nothing regarding the number of Castellane teeth, or whether there was a squeak to their boots. And what was in those fifteen pieces of luggage ? Americans are a nation of readers. In every home in our broad land, with possibly few exceptions, are treasured means for this delightful and beneficial employment of leisure moments. Each year broad- ening in its method of individual culture, contributes increased facilities, and brings them within the reach of all. But there is no literature for the common people like that of the newspaper. It is the daily companion alike of the prince and the peasant, the man who inherits and the man who earns, of the millionaire in his mansion, and the laborer in his cot. It comes as regularly as the glow of the lamplight, and finds a welcome at every fireside. If the night be fair under the radiant moon that walks in queenly beauty through her starry courts, or if the pitiless storm beats madly at the window-pane—it does not matter— this messenger of good tidings is present to entertain and instruct, to tell to willing ears in that little circle what goes on in the great bustling world without, ‘What better message can the merchant send than his advertisement of household necessities or fashion's novelties? What better avenue to the domestic group can the tradesman find ? Try it, and you will soon realize in an increase of patronage, it has brought to your trade a new con- stituency of buyers. Try it, and you will never return to the old methods; nor will you ever cease to wonder why you so long neglected such a profitable invest- ment. PETTINGILL & CO., Newspaper Advertising Agency, 22 School Street, Mutual Reserve Bl BOSTON, MASS. NEW YORK CITY. Ccomicbooks.com |