Life — February 28, 1895 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN ILLUSTRIOUS VISITOR. NEVER in all my life have T known of an excitement as intense as that which has prevailed in Our Village from the moment in which we heard that we were to be honored by a visit from a certain Distinguished Personage, and as I have learned that the magnifying glass failed to convey any adequate idea of it to the side world, I will give a short account of the brilliant entertainment given in his honor by no less a person than Mrs, Plushton Maca- roon. Of course the mere fact that the dinner was given by Mrs. Macaroon isa guarantee that the illustrious guest found himself in the very best of company and surrounded by an atmosphere of elegance and refinement such as it would be difficult to find in any other part of our broad land. On this occasion, however, Mrs, Maca- roon determined to surpass herself—to achieve the crowning triumph of her career, and at the same time impress her guest with the fact that there is no town in the world which can boast of such brilliant society, such culture, refine- ment and wealth as Our Village. In accepting Mrs, Macaroon’s invitation, the Distinguished Personage was gracious enough to say that he did so with an unusual degree of pleasure because he judged from the great reputation of his hostess that in her home he would meet only the most distinguished men, the most charming and beautiful women ; and there were a great many men and women in Our Village whose fame was world-wide, and whom he would esteem it a high honor to know, These polite words became a source of no small uneasiness to Mrs. Macaroon, who could not, for the life of her, imagine what particular people of distinction her guest referred to. “In fact cand she said to me with refreshing , 1 really do not know of any charm- ing and brilliant women in Our Village, except myself, whom he is likely to have heard of, and the chances are that he had no one in mind except me.” Nevertheless, Mrs. Macaroon took pains to surround herself with a company of famous and gifted men and women on the night of the dinner, which, it had been determined, was to be the crowning glory of the series of superb entertainments which marked the stay of the tinguished Personage in Our Village, and 1 am free to confess that never in all the years that IL have frequented the best society of our little town have | meta more brilliant company than that which rose as the illustrious guest entered the drawing-room and saluted him with bows which each one had acquired at an expense of not less than two dollars a lesson, In explaining this fact to her guest, Mrs. Macaroon also informed him that what he had probably mistaken for the sound of castanets was in reality nothing but the knees of the other guests rattling together in nervous ex- citement because of the awful presence in which they stood, ” continued Mrs, occasions of this sort, “+ muffled knees will be de rigueur.” We had no sooner seated ourselves at the table than our hostess asked her guest of honor if he would like to have the door at his ba left ajar, and at the same time administered a sly kick to the shins of Dr. Chester Crawfish, the celebrated wag and raconteur, who in- stantly observed in his quaint, delicious way that the door was no longer a door because it was ajar. After the laughter which greeted this sally of wit had subsided Willy Tealeaves, that delightful society re- porter of whom we are all so fond, gracefully diverted the attention of the Distinguished Personage from the witty doctor to the wealthy Mr. Bunco Dunem,—whom he is under contract to push to the front this season —by asking him to tell the company how much money he was worth, whereat Mrs. Macaroon frowned and directed a ser- vant to take Mr. Tealeaves’ pencil and paper away from him by main force. Then she ex- plained to her guest, who seemed to be in the very best of hu- mor, that the Dunems were new people who had only recently been allowed to. settle in “ Hereafter, Macaroon, on “a RECITE TWO PSALMS. AS A TOKEN OF HER Hl TO THE BELOVED PASTOR HER PARROT, A RARE Our Village, because of a strong prejudice against the elder Dunem who, having acquired vast wealth at the expense of his neighbors, was, in his later years, ostracized by everybody except the Presbyterian clergy. “Tcould not bear to see any innocent chil- dren in such pitiful social straits,” added Mrs. Macaroon, “* particularly when they havea great many million dollars which they are willing to spend for pretty nearly anything but taxes, and so T have taken this one up and will try to make something out of him.” At first the Distinguished Personage seemed rather disappointed and surprised because his hostess had not gathered about her board some of the chief officers of our army and navy, or some men and women whose books he had read and whose pictures he bad seen, and a certain inventor, who he assured her was known and honored in every quarter of the aworld, but when Mrs, Macaroon informed him that such people were never seen in Our Vil- lage and then reminded him of the fact that Tommy Mole, the composer, and Percy Blue- bird, of the Daisy Chain, to say nothing of Willy Tealeaves, were rightly regarded as bet- ter representatives of the cultivation and intel- lect of Our Village than the ones whom he had named. Then our visitor recovered his good humor and from that moment until the end of the dinner seemed continually on the broad grin. On our return to the drawing-room Tommy Mole played one of his own delightful EST ESTEEM SHE DECIDES TO PRESENT BIRD, WHO CAN