Life — February 28, 1895 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LIFE: Joux C, UNDERWOOD, who was elected Lieutenant-Governor of Kentucky on the same ticket with Luke Blackburn, is an amusing story-teller, particularly when he is started on the subject of political stumping in Kentucky. ‘Our people,” said he to an Evening Post man not long ago, * don’t like snobbishness. PTemember one time when I was stumping one of the mountain counties, I bought $25 worth of nickels and carried them in my saddle bags. At every log cabin T would ride up and ask for a drink of water. Out would come a little boy or girl with a gourd dipper of warm water. I would take a swallow, then drop a nickel in the dipper. The little one would run in and 1 would go on, ‘The child’s mother would come out and have the generous fyaleman pointed out. The consequence was that I got the vote of that house. Well, one morning I rode up to a house and a little girl brought me out a dipper of water. I felt in my pocket and discovered that I hadn't a copper. “+ Little girl,’ said 1, * 1 generally have a nickel somewhere about me, but I haven't to-day, so I'll give you what's the next best thing for a girl, and’ that's a kiss,’ and I got down off my horse and kissed her for my own little blue-eyed girl at home. " Another little black-eyed girl here showed up, and I had to kiss her for a niece of mine she looked like. By this time another little girl showed up, half a head taller than the rest, and, not to be impartial, 1 kissed her; when I found that four or five other girls had gathered, and I wasin for it. So, beginning with the smallest, I kissed each one. The change in stature was so gradual that I didn't notice that the last one was a full-grown young woman—and right handsome at that—until I had kissed her. Looking up I saw that there were two or three old ladies laughing at me, and, thinking that I had made a bad break, I lifted my hat to the young lady and begged her pardon and explained how it was. She didn’t seem to mind it much, but the old ladies kept laughing, and one of them said: * Why, durn it, she's Bill's wife. “Well,” L thought, ‘I'm in for it, That knocks out all my votes in this neighborhood.’ I inquired at the next house who Bill was, and was told that it was * Buck’ Holmes, the hardest citizen in Carter County. Next day I had to speak at the court-house, and when I came up I noticed a gang of about twenty- five rough-looking fellows off at one side and a big six-footer talking to them and gesticulating with both hands. *** Who's that ?” I inquired. ‘That's ‘Buck’ Holmes and his gang,’ was the reply. Cold chills ran down my back and I shifted my revolver around to where I could reach it without trouble and then sauntered up to overhear what he was saying. “** Well, I'm blankety blanked !' I heard him say, ‘if he don’t catch my vot No snob, thar, gentlemen. Jest as soon kiss a poor man's wife as a rich one’s ‘That settled it, and I got 150 more votes in that county than any other man on the ticket.”"—New York Post. A TAILOR who had banked up a large number of desperate accounts told a lawyer friend of his troubles, and the lawyer said to him : * Why don't you get after these fellows ?” “ Well,” said the tailor, "if I put the accounts into the hands of an agency the expenses would eat up whatever small portion of the accounts they could collect.” “Don't give them to an agency. I have in my office two young men who are reading law.” They are anxious to make some money on the side and will collect for you on a percentage. It won't cost you anything, and they have the time to hunt these fellows up and keep after them.” “You send them around and I'll give them plenty to do.” On the day following this conversation the two students of law called on the tailor and were given a big bundle of old accounts. ‘They returned to the office and one of them went in to tell the lawyer of their good fortune. “If you boys get right after these fellows and keep after them you can collect a great many of those bills and make some money,” said the lawyer, who was always generous with fatherly advice, We'll do our best,” said the young man. fost of them can’t be collected by law, but you can worry a deadbeat until he pays you. Stick to 'em.” “Yes, sir. By the way, when could you attend to this?” The young man laid before his superior a statement showing that he (the superior) was indebted to the tailor in the sum of $12 for a pair of trousers pur- chased Sept. 20, 1888. ** Great Scott!" said the lawyer, ‘'I believe I do owe that.” “Do you want me to keep alter you?” “No, I'll pay it right away.” “Thanks. I'll get $3 out of it."— Chicago Record. A FEW days ago the little son of a weil-known physician was entertaining a playmate at his father's house. As children will, they ransacked every nook and corner of the building. ‘Their curiosity led them to explore the recesses of a closet in which the doctor keeps his instruments and other personal effects, among which ls a complete skeleton. ‘The strange boy was frightened when he first beheld the grinning remnant of what once had been a human being and started to run away, The doctor's son, however, had seen the skeleton so often that he entertained for it only that feeling of contempt begotten by familiarity, and in a lille while succeeded in so allaylog the fears of his companion that We youngster began to handle the thing and rattle its dry bones. “Where did your father get it?” he finally asked. “1 don't know,” was the reply. ‘But I guess it was his first patient, for he's had it an awful long time."—Butte Miner. 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