Life — February 21, 1895 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

» LIFE ° cr SeIQSORS AT NLL t Cuicaco boasts a new Mrs. Partington. Indeed, Mrs. Partington and Mrs. Malaprop of sacred memory must look to their laurels. "They never were millionaire’s wives, or, I fear me, leaders of society. As for those famous allegories on the banks of the Nile, the Chicago dame has long ago made them blush for their quiet commonplace- ness. If you don't believe it, listen to this, The husband of this new apostle of Malaproprianism had betaken ‘unto himself a costume fora fancy ball. And his wife thus describes him to the people who drink her wine and eat her dinners : “Then he came in in the garbage of a monk, and all [ could say was, ‘ Exit homo !'” AtMassacituserts official who spent several years in Kentucky, tells the story of judge somewhat given to bibulosity. After a night with the boys, the judge was con- siderably “* how-come-you-so,"" and for a lark the mischief lovers reversed the wheels on his honor's old cradle-shape wagon, putting the forewheels behind and the hind wheels in front, thus raising the fore part of the wagon to an unwonted eminence. When he reached home, near morning, his wife naturally wanted to know where he had been all night. _ He explained by saying in uncertain tones— “* Maria, I've been to Louisville, 1 started in good season, but it was ten miles, and up hill all the way."—Boston Transcript, A NewSParer funny man has invented not an absolutely fresh, but a comparatively new joke upon a very old subject. Miss Timid was talking about her own nervousness, and her various night alarms, *« Did you ever find a man under your bed, Mrs. Bluff?” she asked. “Yes,” said that worthy woman. The night we thought there were burglars in the house I found my husband there."— Youth's Companion, Tur: journey was long, and the old lady with the plaid shawl thought to beguile the time by a conversation with the tailor made girl who sat with her. «+ Live in the city 2” asked the old lady. “Yes. Work there,” answered the girl and said nothing more, “ Might Task what you work at 2” igures.”” s seemed discouraging, but the old lady plucked up her nerve and asked : “Figures? Livin’ picters or bookkeepin® ?""— Washington Star. A DETROIT man the other day received a sudden invitation from a Kentucky friend of his to come down and join a hunting party about to start out for the mountains. The distance all competitors as regards the excellence of his records. machine of tunes. Suddenly the was heard the one word, ‘* Halt!" delivered in a tone bespeaking authority. that ?” ask fy Bonaparte giving an order at the battle of Waterloo cents more on our bill.—Aate Field's Washington. stranger close to his means of livelihood, will, you down and make you ridiculous, but you will get the V. nevert so hard that the auc didn’t get the five, either. from a remote rural district for a vis five cents down town for a little dish of w on one of the new fangled cars for five cents. I gave the man fifty cents, and I should have thought anything of it if I'd got back no ch 4 just to hitch up to go so far. two spoonfuls of white cream! Queer town, this!"—Boston Transcript. imposition upo: Mountain, in Switzerland, there is a hotel frequented by people who wish to see the tise over the Alps. have passed over, but two failures I regard as a distinct imposi A PERIPATETIC exhibitor of the phonograph in Holland seems determined to a Vv He was exhibiting in the streets of Utrecht and a number of customers were listening to selectia ine ceased and there was a pause. i one of the listeners. “That,” was the rey ‘tis the voice of Na —London Daily News. Now, jes' look at thet sign, ‘* Don't Blow Out the Gas.” What does it mean ? They probably want us to call a boy todo it, so they can charge ““My friend,” said the candidate for Sheriff of Cheyenne, drawing a o do you want to make $5 easy to-night ? Allright. When I say in my speech, ‘Is there a man among you who will dd statement ?* you jump to your feet in the rear of the hall and shout, * Yes, si You are a liar and I can prove it!” and read from this clipping. ‘Then I willd eless. Is ita go?” Nope" “Why not?” “tried the same thing in Butte City a year ago, and the candidate jumped on 4 ( nce kicked me out of the hall and rode me out of town on a rail Try it on some one else—I've been there."—Boston Herald| iC “Tus is a queer town, this Boston,” said an old country gentleman who atrin it toa friend in Roxbury, “Thad to pay twee | ice-cream; and then I rode miles and m | ange at all. It was worth fi Only five cents for all that ride, and twenty THe average Englishman is public-spirited, and for the public good denounces ay himself, no matter how slight it may be. Near the summit of the Rig A ‘complaint book" is kept, in which travelers record real or fancied grievanc] Recently this book was found to contain the following entr: “desire to call the attention of the management and the general public to the that I have been up here two mornings for the express purpose of seeing the sun rise fr this mountain ; and that on both occasions I have seen nothing whatever but clouds. “One failure to keep the understanding with me—an implied contract—I mig Detroit man wanted to go, but he didn't know what kind of game was to be the object, so he sent this telegram for instructions : “Allright. What shall I bring 2” A few hours later he received this reply : “Corkscrews ; we have the rest."—Detroit Free Press. AYMOND’S VACATION EXCURSIONS. ALL TRAVELING EXPENSES INCLUDED. A WINTER IN CALIFORNIA. Special Trains of Magnificent Pullman Vestl- buled Sleeping and Dining Cars at Frequent Intervals ACROSS THE CONTINENT to Los Angeles, San Diego, San Francisco, ete. ‘The tickets cover every expense of travel both ways, and give the holders eutire freedom of movement oa {he Pacie Coast, and on the return journey If desired, with reduced rates at the leading hotels. FLORIDA and CUBA. CALIFORNIA, COLORADO, ALASKA and YELLOW- STONE NATIONAL PARK, Etc., in April and May. SANDWICH ISLANDS in March. EUROPE. Railroad and Steamship Tickets to all points U8 Send for descriptive book, mentioning the par- ticular tour desired, RAYMOND & WHITCOMB, 31 EAST FOURTEENTH STREET. NEW YORK. Lincoln Building, Union Square, 296 WASHINGTON STREET. BOSTON. Opposite School Street. 20 SOUTH TENTH STREET, PHILADELPHIA. Mutual Life Insurance Building. J. RoBinson, Liverpoo! “Tue other day I was walking beside a railway line with a man who was very bi of héaring. A train was approaching, and as it rounded the curve the whistle gave one those ear-destroying shrieks which seem to pierce high heaven. “That is the first robin,’ said he, ‘that I have heard this spring.’” deaf man’s face. LIFE’S MONTHLY CALENDAR. $1.00 a Year. = Ten Cents a Copy. CONTAINS Thirty-two pages of Humorous and Society Illustra- tions and Interesting Text. Each Month The Calendar awards Liberal Cash Prizes to its Readers for the most Suitable Contribu- tions for its Columns. If you have not Already Seen it, send Ten Cents for a Sample Copy to LIFE’S MONTHLY CALENDAR, 19 WEST THIRTY-FIRST STREET, NEW YORK CITY. A smile broke over tl ont Mn ‘WORLD’ RECORD! PLyine Good bearings and “tastst tres 00 earth — 'G. & J. PNEUMATIC TIRES” THAT® THe 0c Catalogue tee at any Rambier agency. GonmULLy & JurrEny MPC. Co.. Boston, Wathiegton New York, VOL. XXIV. Now Ready, Bound in Maroon and Gol Green and Gold, and Full Black. PRICE $5.00. comicbooks.com