Life — February 14, 1895 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: SPECIAL MESSENGERS. O, Violets, look all around, And search the city through, Until a little girl is found Who's sweeter far than you. And when you meet hertenderglance, Just tell her you're a sign; That if she'll give me half a chance T'll be her Valen- tine, A WEAKER SISTER. [7 being the afternoon of the second Thursday in the month, the regular meeting of the Advanced American Business Women’s Union was about to be held. It promised to be a very remarkable and interesting session, Nearly all of the leaders of the Great Cause of Woman's Natural Supremacy over Man were present. Allof the noble unmarried members who had sternly and heroically refused to submit the ordering of their lives to his tyrannical command. Refused many, many times, according to their own undisputed assertions. All of the married members who had been reluctantly induced to give him one last chance to see if anything could be made out of such an apparently worthless object, but who had finally been forced to cast him off forever in despairing disgust. Not one of the leaders of the great movement which threatens to subvert our whole social system was absent. It was possible to pick out nearly every one of those mighty intellects which are fast pushing Man from his pinnacle of artificial supremacy and rapidly reducing him to his proper position of a human door-mat. There was old Mrs. Mary T. Scolder, whose ceaselessly persistent efforts to get in her vote had drawn the eyes of the whole country upon her, and who had been nearly clubbed away from the polls in over fifty election districts. There was the scintillating Mrs. Twoanto, whose brilliant work on “How to make up Accounts without Computing on the Fingers,” is fast making her an enviable reputation in feminine financial circles. ‘There was Miss Sourgrapes, the lecturer, whose masterly and keenly critical discourses on ‘Love, a Masculine Weakness,” never fail to draw crowded houses and shouts of unseemly laughter from flippant and weak-minded men, There were scores and scores of others, all equally gifted and equally devoted to the cause. In fact as the President rose in her place she felt with a thrill of pride that never in all history had such an aggregation of commanding intel- lect and talent been gathered within four walls. ‘The members will please come to order,” she said in a clear and carefully modulated tone of voice, as she rapped loudly with the gavel on her desk. Instantly the hum of conversation ceased. “Let me see; what day is it?" asked the Secretary absent-mindedly as she picked up her pen and prepared to take notes of the proceedings. “Why,” thoughtlessly exclaimed a very young member, with a delicate blush mantling her sweet fair face; “it's St. Valentine's Day, of course!" . If a bomb had exploded of a mouse escaped in the midst of the assemblage it could not have produced greater consternation than this “Why DON'T YOU LOOK FOR WORK ?” “I'M AFRAID,” “APRAID! WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?” “TM AFRAID I'LL FIND IT.” ill-timed reference to the discarded past, when Love was the unworthy object of woman's ambition. At once there arose a shrill expostulatory chorus of contempt and derision, and before the unfortunate member could realize her error she found herself rapidly hustled out into the hall and the door shut in her face. Then after a few moments of intense and hair-pin loosening excite ment order was restored, and it was unanimously resolved that as soon as Miss Rosy Budd had paid up her semi-annual dues, amounting to a dollar and seventy cents, she should be expelled and her name dropped {rom the rolls of the Advanced American Business Women's Union forever. But as Miss Rosy sorrowfully turned her steps toward Huyler’s, she murmured defiantly : ** I don’t care! they're all of them horrid, hateful old things, anyway ! Harry Romaine. SN 7 OUR brother ? brother.” “Oh, yes; or, what is the same thing, I have two half brothers.” D I did not know that you had a NTIST: What are the last teeth that come ? BRILLIANT DENT: False teeth, I guess