Life — January 17, 1895 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CH FONE RR IN VELO VOLUPTAS. 45 OPEN FOR THE SEASON. & ARE we all prepared for the opening of the Winter Season ?” asked Lucifer, as he sat in his luxuriously appointed private office. “Yes, your Satanic Majesty,” replied the Head Assistant Devil obsequi- ously from the door mat. “* Has the asbestos car- pet been laid in the new ball room ?" “Yes, your Majesty. “Well, why don't you fix the grate in No. 11 furnace? The temperature in my room went down to nine hundred last night and I was nearly frozen,” “It has been done, Sire.” “Have you made the contracts for our annual supply of sulphur and brimstone ?” “Yes, your Royal High- ness?” “Then you may pre- pare a circular on “The Advantages of Hades as a Winter Resort,” and don't forget to mention the dry- ness of the climate and our freedom from malaria and mosquitoes.” “No, your Highness.” “And emphasize the fact that we make no extra charge for open fires in every room.” “Tt shall be done.” “And you can say that we have never been troubled by any contagious disease, and that the people who once form the habit of coming here remain our steady patrons and never go anywhere else. That's the pull I have over other winter resorts,” concluded the Devil as he chuckled gleefully and signed for the menial to withdraw. Harry Romaine, es ELL, Jane, have you found the rose for my hair yet?” s, madame, but now I cannot find the hair.”