Life — January 3, 1895 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE Here’s the very latest campaign story at Tim Campbell's expense: Dandy Jim‘ Horbacher, it appears, left a fine silk umrbella at the Tim Campbell campaign club'rooms the other night. Tim found it, and called Dandy Jim up on the tele- hone. » * Hello, Dand; Ts that you ?” Tim asked. Dandy dently nwwered yen, (Or he nest question Tim asked was : ** Did you leave an umbrella at the club, Dandy ?” Dandy must have said yes a) ain, for Tim yelled : “Ye did ? and is this it?” holding the umbrella up at the telephone as he said it. Buffalo Times. A MAN, meeting on the street Henry W. Paine, the distinguished, honest, and universally respected member of our Boston bar, addressed him as Mr. D—, a man of very different reputation. “Tam not Mr. D—," was the answer, ‘but Mr. Henry W. Paine.” ‘1 beg your pardon,” said the man, ‘for making the mistake.” “oT will excuse you,” replied Mr. ‘Paine, “but I sincerely hope the devil will not make the same mistake."—Dumd Animals. 's gota new Sunday suit of er close,” remarked one of the little girls s 's sewing class at the mission. Den why don't he never wear ‘em ?" asked another little girl triumphantly. * Hush, Katie !” said Miss Winslow softly. ‘1 have no doubt Maggie will {ell us all about itin her own way. “Yes, miss ; he can't wear ‘em now, cose de pants is gone,” explained Maggie. id How did he come to lose them ?"” He didn't lose ‘em, miss dey. was stolen! That is too bad! How did it happen ? Well, you see, miss, one day when he was off to his work and mudder was gone out todo a day's washing fer Mrs, Van Nobs, and I had taken the baby out to the park for to get the air, somebody bruk into’ our room and stole me fader's pew Sunday pants on him.” Stole them on him? You don’t mean exactly that, do you ?” asked Miss Winslow, with an indulgent smile. “Naw, she don't,” cried Katie, scornfully, ‘She don't_know how to talk proper. What she means is they stole them off him ?"—New York Werld. One rainy day recently a lady sat in an elevated car, with her umbrella lean- ing against the seat, As the train approached Forty-second street a tall, lank young man struggled among the standups for the door. In passing his’ right foot caught the umbrella, and carried away the ferrule end with a crash, The young man was very red and very much embarrassed, but he managed to stammer ‘out a confused apology. The lady, instead of being annoyed at the accident, smiled sweetly, and accepted the apology with such an air of grace as at once attracted the attention and admiration of the observant passengers. exclaimed a man near the door to his next neighbor, ** that “ By Jove,” If that had been my wife she'd have whacked that gawk over woman's a queen | the head !” “T never saw a woman have such complete control over her temper,” remarked another. «You'd have thought that idiot had done her a favor,” said the third. ‘She's an angel!” e ain't,” gruffly put in a little man in the corner who had overheard he’s my wife, and she wanted me to buy her a new umbrella this morning, and now she knows I've got to do it !"—Pittsburg Dispatch. AN Irishman, named Dennis, addicted to strony drink, was often urged friends to sign the pledge, but with no avail, until one day they read to a newspaper an account of a man who had become so saturated with alcohol that, on attempting to blow out a candle, his breath ignited, and he was instantly blown to atoms. Dennis's face showed mingled horror and contrition, and his friends thought that the long-wished for moment of repentance was at hand. “Bring me the book, boys! bring me the book. Troth, his breath took fire, did it? Sure, I'll never die that death, anyhow,” said Dennis, with the most solemn countenance imaginable. ‘* Hear me now, boys ; hear me now. I, Dennis Finnigan, knowin’ my great wakeness, dapely sinsible of my past sins, and the great danger I've been in, bad scran to them—take me solemn oath that so long as T tive, under no provocation whativer will I—blow out a candle ag’in."—Good uf his Ne: . Ove afternoon last week when a perfect-gale of wind was raging, a Brooklyn gentleman, in feeble health, was struggling toreach his home, aided by his wife. ‘Just as they reached the corner of a street_a. huge tin chimney-pot was tora from the roof of a house by the power of the wind and dashed to the ground just in front of the feeble gentleman and his wife. ** Good heavens ! "cried the gentleman, ‘* that was a narrow escape for us.” “If it had struck us it would have killed us,” she replied. ‘The two stopped for a moment to examine the chimney-pot—more dangerous in a high wind than a bombshell—but just as they were scrutinizing it a window near by was opened, a female head was thrust out, and in a shrill tone she “You needn't think you're going to carry that off, ‘cause it b'longs to New York Mercury. - you in the fight ?” asked an officer of an elderly negro on a steamer ga fort. “Had a little taste of it, sah.” “Stood your ground, did you 2” No, sab, I runs. Run at first fire, did you?" Yes, sah; would have run sooner if I had known it was comin’, Why, that was not very creditable to your courage.” Dat isn’t my line, san—cookin's my perfeshun.” Well, but have you no regard for your reputat * Reputation’s nothin’ to me by the side of life.” “Do you consider your life worth more than other people's ?” “It’s worth more to me, sah."—Exchange, That is the $3 fashionable “Redfern” the newest SHO brand of the famous WS, H.& M.” FIRST “QUALITY Look for “S$ H.& M.” First Quality on the label of every bolt you buy. “*SH.& M.” Dress Stays are the Best. VINODE SALUD (WINE OF HEALTH.) “Tendorse Vino de Salud without qualification. class of cases requiring something to build uy system. Such patients can take Vino de medicine or acquiring a taste for liquor.” W. L, ,DoucLas SOE pOvVAN, FRENCH & ENAMELLED C/ 45359 FINECALFS Keron fy *3.59POLICE,ssotes. 998992, WORKINGNE NS $2.$175 Bos ScHoo SHOES Over One Million People wear the. W. L. Douglas $3 & $4 Shoes Allour shoes are equally satisfactory They give the best value for the mone Blas Velveteen Skirt Binding. Thelewearing qualltics are uvourpesce prices are uniform,---stam: Prom $1 to $3 saved over other makes. If your dealer cannot supply you we can, It particularly suits an anaemic the tissues and impart tone to the nervous jalud without feeling that they are taking a AYMOND’S VACATION EXCURSIONS. ALL TRAVELING EXPENSES INCLUDED, FLORIDA and CUBA. Tv G: 4 Te to Je inctuding visits to 8t. Augus a the Sitlawaa aad, St. Jona'y Rivers: Pauatee, Orman gad fens cic ie tects Eton, the Tampa Bay ioe, and the ideal Royal Poloctana, we The cube J Parties will sail from Port Tampa on Pre mae, of the Plant Steamship Line, and spend On Week js Movers. 1S THE BEST. FIT FOR AKING. * EXTRA FINE* ‘LADIES: Spsetet 7 f Elegant Pullman Vestibuied Sleep and Dining Care will be employed for the rail Journeys Th The ta It the holders to ‘thelr stay tn penetrate ria teeta puans a Fy, 8 jut Eacort, or on Any Meee we Train ta Sead for descriptive book. Raymond & Whitcomb, 31 East Fourteenth St., Lincoln Bidg., Union Sq.. N.Y. 296 Washington St., Boston. 20 South 10th St., Phila. Pacttes' saer ‘Boeck May 31 ‘on sole, OO DO DODO re Ca} b Your Corset Cannot Break If you wear Pearl Corset Shields, Broken Corsets made as comfortable as new. (Letter on file in our office from a well-known physician.) A beautifully illustrated booklet about this celebrated ‘Spanish Tonic Wine mailed on application to ROCHE & CO., Importers, 503 Fifth Ave., New York.